AIBU to say I wouldn’t want a male massage therapist?

[Wombat100]

Just read an awful article on the BBC about these poor women who have been sexually assaulted by male massage therapists who they booked to massage them at home.

I was thinking about it and to be honest I don’t even like being at home alone if eg. a boiler man I don’t know comes to do a boiler service. I’m probably being a bit ridiculous/OTT in that regard but the thought of booking a male masseur via an app and inviting him into my home totally gives me the creeps.

Nb. I would have a massage from a male therapist at a spa etc where there are other therapists around/he is known, it’s just the home element which would make me feel really vulnerable.

Just wondered whether others agree?

YABU - you would happily book a male therapist at home.
YANBU - not in a million years would you book a male therapist to come to your home alone.

I wouldn't book anyone to come to my house to give me a massage, male or female.

I've only ever had one massage from a woman and I hated it, although mainly because it was the supposedly relaxing, spa-style of massage and I just find that sort of thing irritating and for some reason vaguely creepy.

All the other massages I've had have been sports/physio/deep tissues type massages, which are very much not for relaxation and really hurt, and they've all been from men. Maybe in that realm of massage therapy there are more men than you find in the beauty spa/wellness kind of massage? I've never really thought about it.

Personal trainer here — I work with massage therapists a lot.

It's extremely common for women to request a female therapist. Very, very normal. We have conversations like this pretty much daily. Any male masseur with integrity will be very used to this. (Ditto PTs.)

Happily had a male massage therapist at home.
Honestly your body, your choice, but a news item is news bc rare. Might as well say no male doctor should ever treat a woman.

I would rather have a female doctor, it's harder to be taken seriously by male doctors. Also women are 32% more likely to die if they are treated by male surgeons.
www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/health/women-die-operation-male-surgeon-b1986757.html%3famp

I feel more comfortable with female masseuse. Probably a bit old fashioned 😳

Nope, I would not have a male massage therapist. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
There's a local case at the moment whereby a male massage therapist sexually assaulted multiple women and he was working in an upmarket establishment.

I actually think it’s alphapie that looks like a bully - by belittling and sneering at women who admit that they feel a bit scared or vulnerable. Its people and opinions like that that made it hard for me to acknowledge and admit that I’m not comfortable.

Absolutely. More and more we’re expected to ignore our instincts, which are based on our own experiences and those of women throughout the ages. If we pretend that men are no threat to women, we are kind, liberal and inclusive and that’s what is expected of us. Any acknowledgement that men are a threat to women is met with a torrent of NAMALT, which we are all perfectly aware of.

I don't even like blokes massaging me in a spa, they're usually too hairy. (I'm not sure I'd like a particularly hairy woman either).

I can't imagine inviting a male massage therapist into my home while I was there alone, no.

I do a male sport therapist at his premises where he's the only member of staff though. He is very careful to ask for consent before touching each part of me.

Either way there's no "fault" with the women.

100% YANBU.

Your body, your choice, perfectly understandable position to take

Tbh I don't know why massage is such a thing. I think if you have already given someone the power whether male ir female to touch you so intimately that it can only escalate from then on.

Of course I'd fancy my chances of fighting off a woman nore than a man so I'd not even entertain the idea of a male masseuse .

But putting my body in the hands if anyone or anything like that...no I just couldn't

I realise that's probably an odd way to look at it. The MN much loved spa day is my idea of hell. If others like them then that's their call and absolutely support a request for same sex therapists. Because I would have been one of those years ago.i would have been the one who happily accepted a male to help prove that NAMALT.

But now, now. No way. Done. We don't owe men our bodies to validaye their need ti be deemed " safe" and accepted by women eveb in places they have no business being. Like with oily hands next ti a half naked woman.

^ This

I've happily had a male masseuse, but I'd never have one in my own home.

Not unreasonable at all - your body, your home, your choice.

I was assaulted by a male massage therapist inside a fricking airport in front of people. I am still haunted by it and have not managed to ever tell anyone! After that I would never put myself in that position again. I do not think all male massage therapists are sex offenders... I just couldn't risk it again.

Yes I agree. Having work done in the house isn't personal, and they are usually well known local tradesmen so it's highly unlikely they'll try anything silly - not impossible but it doesn't worry me.

It's not so much that I think a male massage therapist would try anything untoward, it's just too intimate. I don't go to male hairdressers either, I just don't feel comfortable. Fortunately there are loads of female massage therapists/hairdressers out there!

Who is belittling anyone?

Women are well documented on here for not being able to accurately assess risk. If you feel unsafe go for it, but it's that feeling of being unsafe that needs to be looked at. I know women who will never walk anywhere alone, despite the fact women are the lowest risk group for random attacks in the streets. Women who would rather shit themselves in a hospital bed than be helped by a male HCA, there comes a time where you need to assess the risk and reward with more balanced eyes, as if you are genuinely more comfortable humiliating yourself than accepting help from a man you need therapy.

No comparison.

A male Dr has had years of training, expertise and his lucrative career is on the line if he does something to bring his profession into disrepute.

Anyone can call themselves a massage therapist.

Who is belittling anyone?

Says the poster who goes on to dismiss the fears, risk assessments and decisions of other posters.

Are you a man @alphapie? That sounds like a mansplain.

I’d always request a woman- not out of fear of anything happening, just because I know I’ll feel more relaxed that way and that, after all, is the point. Then again, I’ve always made a point of seeing female gynaes as well for routine things 🤷‍♀️

I've only had one massage done - I had some pain in the upper back - but I booked specifically with a woman. Not because I feared assault, but because I don't want a man touching me in a semi-intimate way.

''Who is belittling anyone?''

''Women are well documented on here for not being able to accurately assess risk''

It would be funny if it weren't so irritating.
How do you ''document'' Mumsnet anyway?

I would, and have, used a visiting male therapist, but only on recommendation from friends or a reputable site where he has positive reviews (inc from women). But YANBU not to book one if you're not comfortable!