Living off a man!!!

[iabr]

If you are among the posters on here who always sneer at SAHMs for 'living off the husband,' do you also -

• sneer at women who work PT and therefore earn less than their husbands - so are, by definition, also 'living off the husband" to a greater or lesser extent?

• sneer at women who work full-time, but still earn significantly less than the husband, so the house and other expenses are largely funded by his higher income anyway?

• sneer at any woman who has a dual income lifestyle that she couldn't maintain on her own salary / wealth?

I really don't want to get into endless personal anecdotes of - "Well I earn £x and DH earns £x..." This is about the issue of 'financial independence' within families per se. - ie . recognising that it's accrued family wealth that determines financial independence and it's not necessarily always as simple as who earns what. A SAHM may well have greater financial independence than a woman on a high salary, depending on that family's underlying financial circumstances.

So AIBU to say to MN - Stop telling SAHMs they are 'financially vulnerable' - unless you know the details of their unique financial family circumstances!

I would want to pay for a nanny (and I did) so I could continue my career while knowing my dds were well cared for. That meant I had the freedom to leave my relationship and take care of myself and my family if I wanted as well as being able to succeed in my career.

ultimately if it works for you to be the “helpmeet” in the relationship, that’s fine on an individual level. But on a societal level the fact that womens careers are seen as less important and workplaces still act like no one in a senior job has childcare responsibilities is a major contributing factor to women earning much less and being so much less likely to succeed in the workplace. So the fact that women vastly take on these unpaid roles still while men work unencumbered by domestic responsibility leads to huge inequality.

When did that ever happen? You started a weird angry thread about how women who rely on their partners income aren’t financially vulnerable. Then took offence when people pointed out it’s not true.

I’ve never seen that happen in threads.

I think pmt could be it…

"I’ve never seen that happen in threads."

Can't be true then.

Yes, some of the time it's probably in response to that.
And sometimes it's not, you'd be surprised.
Next time one of these threads comes up (it won't be long 😅) try reading it from a SAHMs perspective. I'm confident you'll see what I'm saying is true. Some on here are a lot less reasonable than you are( on both sides of the argument)..

No "sneering" here - just genuine concern for the plethora of women who leave the job market and make themselves vulnerable to financial abuse and no prospects. It's very scary to think of all the women stuck in awful relationships because of money.

Also, as a "single mum" I think we get a load more shit. AND I work full-time!

Might as well go and get a noose!

"You started a weird angry thread about how women who rely on their partners income aren’t financially vulnerable."

Did I? All of them? Or did I just suggest not assuming anything?

Oh blimey @iabr this is going round in circles! On a relevant thread where the OP says they are a SAHM because it's relevant then people will talk about women as a group being more financially vulnerable because it's a fact.

You don't seem to recognise that your own financial position is not typical for most SAHM. Put simply- it ain't all about you!

If you want a thread about general structural inequality, start one.

This thread was about not making assumptions.

People don't make assumptions. I've just explained. It's a fact.

Not sure what the point of this is, but will happily take it on board if there is?

Anyway, I can't say it again.

Next time people are out and about in office hours, but see one of "the SAHMs" (she will be instantly recognisable by her unmistakeable air of 'low self-esteem), do me a favour will you....

Chuck a fiver at and point her kid's buggy in the direction of the nearest day nursery. If she looks confused, a quick scintillating lecture on how she is facilitating structural inequality should do the trick.

You clearly have more of an issue with SAHM than the rest of us @iabr

@Marynotsocontrary

But they often do.

And I've only ever seen it said in response to the usual sneery put downs from sahms.

I love my kids too much to leave them
I didnt have kids for someone else to raise them

Why cant a woman just be with her kids

We need to value sahms!

I put so much into my kids

Etc etc

" You clearly have more of an issue with SAHM than the rest of us"

Ban the SAHM, I say!

@Topgub it's pointless attack and counter attack that has gone on for years and it's shameful tbh

Surely what matters is raising happy, well adjusted children who become positive and successful members of society. That's the outcome after all, isn't it?

And neither 'side' - SAHP or WOHP has a monopoly on that. Because as has been explained countless times, being a good parent is about so much more than whether you're working or not.

This thread was about you being offended that people don't assume you're minted.

It's almost as if SAHMs are as varied as PT and FT working people, pensioners and the general population, ReneBumsWombats. Shocking news, I know.

If sahm aren't doing anything different in terms of overall parenting what difference does it make that wm say they do everything a sahm does?

The way it usually goes is someone will say "I couldn't be a SAHM I'd be sooo bored, how do they fill the time"
Then someone will reply
"I find it easy to fill the time by doing household stuff, cooking, shopping, the gym, school run, toddler group etc"
Then the reply will come,
"That can't possibly fill more than two hours, I do all that and work full time"
It's usually said disparagingly rather than factually.

.... and vice versa (yawn)

Yeah @missdemeanors

Its especially frustrating when it allows people to avoid the actual problems but it's hard not to get sucked into it.

@MrsBwced

If you're a sahm and that's your bias, sure.

If you're a wm it goes

I couldn't possibly work. My ohs job is too intense, how on earth would my children cope without me to raise them and to love them as much as I do

I have to be with them biologically programmed attachment theory pcg didn't have them to dump them/outsource their care blah blah blah

@iabr

You clearly just want everyone to agree with you that being a sahm should be beyond criticism.

Crazy.

Very, very few people are entirely financially independent for life from passive income, or would be should they divorce or be widowed.

If you're back at work now, you're probably not either.