To not want gp to have ds alone?

[FurBabyMum02]

So i dont have an issue with the in laws at all its not a trust thing, theyve been left alone with ds plenty of times while me and dh have done jobs and theyve taken him out for a walk for an hour so we can get stuff done. But since ds was born (he's 1) theyve been hinting about taking him out for the day alone or having him overnight. I just dont want them to and its getting irritating. Theyve even now sorted a carseat so they can have him with 0 indication from us that it will be happening. I chose to be a parent, i miss him while he's at nursery when I work and im still getting used to the seperation, he only started a month ago so when I'm with him at weekends I want to make the most of it. I'm not at the stage yet where I'm particularly wanting a break although I'm sure it will come.

I dont see the need for a 1 year old to have a day alone with them when we can enjoy the experience as a family (when older I get its a different experience for the child and a 'freedom' from parents usually with special treats etc). Aibu to think every other weekend visits with us is fine at this age?

It's probably relevant that their other grandson is there alot as his mums a single parent and they have him every weekend 1 night at least to give her a break so they're used to that and I guess expect it with my son aswell. They're always saying it seems ages since they saw ds and I think it's because they're in a routine with nephew. Dh and I agreed on every other week so we get family time just the 3 of us every other week aswell.

I find this really sad. So your in-laws only get to see their grandson every other week. YABU.

You're not unreasonable at all. It's your child so it's up to you.

A day out with grandparents is lovely. Don't expect them to hang around and wait until he's older. Maybe they'll be permanently busy and not available to be used as free child care when you decide they're acceptable to look after your precious child

YANBU - be prepared for the GP militants to be out saying it's horrendous they don't see him four times a week etc 😂

At only 1, I'm not sure what they'd plan on doing as a special day that you can't be involved in! If you want your weekends as a family, and see them when you can I don't see an issue with it. Then going to buy a car seat is on them, not you 🤷🏻‍♀️

They had their turn being the parents and calling the shots, now it's your turn. Don't feel bad about it. They crossed the line not you

If her parents would be so bitter that they would punish the child by pushing him away then they're not fit to have him in the first place. What a bitter way of thinking you have. As if everything needs to be tit for tat. Where's the love in that?

OP, would you feel better about short visits alone? I have a 1.5 yo and MIL also wanted her alone. I said that I simply miss her too much if I haven't seen her for 3 hours. So now she goes to play with nan for 2 hours a week while I do the big food shop or take a long walk. It's long enough for all of us and their bond is developing nicely. It does help that my MIL 100% respects any rule that I have.

Oh and we started with 30 minutes at first so dd got used to being left with someone else. She cries when I leave but as soon as I turn the corner MIL will send a picture of her playing happily.

Yanbu. In the end he is your baby, and I can see how having pressure exerted to give him up even for a day, is likely to be uncomfortable. Every other weekend is fine.

If the GPs want more time with him, they need to work with you, not push against you.

Of course you aren't being reasonable. 1 still little, and no one has the right to be possessive about your child.

It is 100% reasonable to say thank you for the offer and we will let you know when that will suit us as a family. Just because the other gc goes doesn't need to affect your decision.

Children aren't toys or props for role play. They're human beings.

Every other weekend is loads by the way

Your child not theirs. Your choice not theirs. What is it with all these GPs putting pressure on to have their gc at their place for the whole day / overnight when the parents don’t want that?

Totally agree ^

It is up to you. Being pushy is so off putting so I can see why you feel the way you do. If you’re not ready for overnights just keep repeating that.

& in a few months you will be complaining that his grandparents spend more time with their other grandchildren or that they don't provide any support if you urgently need childcare.

YADNBU - if they see him every other weekend that’s loads, way more than my DS (also 1) sees his GPs! The need to have quality time as the three of you totally makes sense. Not sure why GPs need to see your DS alone anyway?

stick to your guns - if you don’t you’ll end up resenting grandparents and damaging that relationship.

I don't necessarily think you're being unreasonable but, just a bit of advice, don't make this hard for yourself. They more formal and stubborn you are about this the harder it will be and the more tense those relationships will be and I could bet you that thsi will take a u turn on your relationship with your partner.
Just look at it this way, they haven't bought a car seat to get at you, they've done it to enjoy you're child. A relationship between grandparents is really special and it sounds like they are just excited!
I remember feeling very much like you and I look back and see how in some ways I was wrong.
Yes they don't need to be round every night etc, but to tell them every other weekend.... it sounds like a court arrangement for the grandparents!

Thees literally no need for the GP to have him overnight! Stick to your parenting decisions.

Yanbu. Every other weekend is a lot to me! My parents live 3 hours away and see baby once every couple of months and FIL lives closer but works and so see him maybe once a month, we are often busy on weekends in between with siblings who live a distance away/friends/extended family etc.
When you feel ready to appreciate their babysitting overnight that is fine, your child, not theirs as others have said.

I'm not at the stage yet where I'm particularly wanting a break although I'm sure it will come

Then just say this to them.

I dont see the need for a 1 year old to have a day alone with them

I think this is rather short sighted.

While you're not being unreasonable, if they live nearby then every other weekend doesn't feel like very much. Is your husband happy with this set up? Would he like them to see your son more? If not, and you don't particularly enjoy their company then fair enough. But at that age my parents saw my baby several times a week - sometimes I'd pop in for a cuppa, so not a long stay but just so the relationship with the baby could grow - and they're incredibly close now.

Fine if that doesn't suit you, just something to consider

Mine didn't have my daughter until she was 2 and that was because i was going to a child free wedding. They never pestered to have her alone or bought car seats etc, only a cot for when we all visited. Your call OP, he's your child

Dear God 🤣 anyone that bitter and nasty wouldn't be welcome near my child. Hope you're not a grandparent

(but you're totally right on the overnights - no need if it doesn't suit you)

Tell them you’re not ready. My kids didn’t sleep out until they asked.

It's your choice as it's your child but I'm looking forward to the day my DD can go out with my parents for the day. She is 4.5m currently and very clingy so wouldn't work. We are trying auntie for a few hours in a couple of weeks! 🤞 however she doesn't go to nursery or anything so I'm with her 24/7 at the moment

How much would u say is reasonable to balance our family time and a 3 and wider family? We both work full time, evenings are out as its literally dinner bath bed for ds he's wiped out after nursery, so weekends are all we have for family time.

Ita reassuring to see so many saying this is OK. I genuinely thought I was being a needy first time mum but I just miss him when he's away!