To not want gp to have ds alone?

[FurBabyMum02]

So i dont have an issue with the in laws at all its not a trust thing, theyve been left alone with ds plenty of times while me and dh have done jobs and theyve taken him out for a walk for an hour so we can get stuff done. But since ds was born (he's 1) theyve been hinting about taking him out for the day alone or having him overnight. I just dont want them to and its getting irritating. Theyve even now sorted a carseat so they can have him with 0 indication from us that it will be happening. I chose to be a parent, i miss him while he's at nursery when I work and im still getting used to the seperation, he only started a month ago so when I'm with him at weekends I want to make the most of it. I'm not at the stage yet where I'm particularly wanting a break although I'm sure it will come.

I dont see the need for a 1 year old to have a day alone with them when we can enjoy the experience as a family (when older I get its a different experience for the child and a 'freedom' from parents usually with special treats etc). Aibu to think every other weekend visits with us is fine at this age?

It's probably relevant that their other grandson is there alot as his mums a single parent and they have him every weekend 1 night at least to give her a break so they're used to that and I guess expect it with my son aswell. They're always saying it seems ages since they saw ds and I think it's because they're in a routine with nephew. Dh and I agreed on every other week so we get family time just the 3 of us every other week aswell.

A 1 year old definitely cares whether parents are there. At that age they will generally prefer to be with parents all the time. Especially if you only have him 2 days a week, I really wouldn't send him to grandparents for one of those days. Can't they have him on a weekday? It would be a pretty selfish grandparent who couldn't understand your preference to actually spend some time with your child.

Also there's no reason to start getting babies ready for the next stage all the time. They can can get used to a new routine at the right time. No one seems to be suggesting that the grandparents should go and live in an old people's home "to get used to the routine"

As someone who has no family support, you're so lucky to have this problem!

Obviously you shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with but the time will come when you're very grateful so I would handle it sensitively.

One suggestion - could they take a day off work, take him out of nursery for a day or half day? Another suggestion: as part of that or separately could they come and put him to bed and babysit for an evening so that you can get out with your DH? Neither of those involve you losing much or any time with your son if that's the major issue.

Do what suits you, but the gps are offering from a place of love. They only have sil to compare you to and she needed a break. I know it’s not the same. But sil situation gave gps a chance to form a close relationship with their GC and they want the same with your child. Children benefit form close relationships with Gps too of course.

id explain that you don’t see enough of non tired child so it’s too soon but when you are ready you will let them know. Maybe try a lunch out with DH and let them have a couple of hours, you never know you might like it? In 6 months time when he’s running around being able to eat a meal in peace might be nice!

Thank u all so much, so lovely to have so many ideas and different perspectives. I think that trying a few hours may work best to start with. I do pick him up early on a Friday as I only do 4.5 days so we get that afternoon together. Perhaps if they booked a Friday off they could have him for the morning. I asked dh again if hes ready for a break atall and he said not a break per say but he would like it if we could go for a lunch together just us so perhaps we will try and do that.

I get it. I went back ft after dc1 and there was no way I'd given up my weekends with him those first few months. After a year or so I felt much better about it then dc started staying over

Why are you denying your child and gp's a relationship you are definitely being unreasonable

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall and @SnackSizeRaisin actually my grandson is now eleven, so he is old enough to make a choice, and he was definitely not playing us off against each other because I didn't even know until his mother told me. She thought it was funny! My grandchildren are invited, after discussion with their mother, and it is up to her first and then to my grandchildren as to whether they choose to accept. It works for us all and I feel, in our family and with the personalities of us all, that this way of doing things has contributed to our close relationships. However I am not saying that another way might not work for you. I wasn't, and wouldn't, be rude enough to suggest that somebody else was bringing up their children in the wrong way just because it is different to mine. I was expressing my thoughts and describing what works for us. I believe it is not completely against all MN rules to express my own opinion?

You make a great point here OP! A short break, and use it as alone time with your DH! My mum warned us about making sure to still make time for our significant others. You started your family with them, ultimately (all going well) you will end up back alone with them when kiddies fly the nest in years to come so its important not to forget that. Could be a nice opportunity for your DS to get a few quality hours with the grandparents, get them off your back, and enjoy some time with DH! Hopefully that keeps everyone happy

Suit yourself and your family needs. Let them come over to visit to see your child and spend time there. What is it with these grandparents who are over invested and acting like it is their right to have a small child over and to stay over. I would be the same and would be suiting myself. Stick to your guns or they will just take over, it is not as if you are stopping them from seeing your child.

I'd have loved my in laws to want to do this - they've never had the kids ever.
My own parents babysat occasionally. But truth be told both sets were too old to have them for a full day (mid 70s when my first was born).
I think it's lovely they want to and one is a great time to start building that bond. I never knew my grandparents and it's a wonderful thing to have them around and it's not the same if you are around too.
If you think one is too young then I hope you will reconsider when your child is a bit older.

If it doesn't feel right for you, then don't do it. It's not like a library book that has to be returned by a deadline! You've made your arrangements, and don't be pressured into changing them. You did not have DS for someone else's benefit. As DS is at nursery, he might find it unsettling to stay away from home overnight so soon. If you don't want to do this, if you are not ready: just say no (or at least, not yet).

It’s natural for a one year old to want to be with its mum as much as possible and for you to feel the same way. The grandparents are being selfish pestering you about this. It isn’t ‘help’ or a ‘break’ if you don’t want it.

You're being unreasonable and selfish. It's 1 day, not a week!

How exactly is seeing them every other week denying them a relationship?

Do they have much of a social life etc, or does it mainly revolve round grandchildren?

In the kindest way you need to relax a bit. You are ok for them to have the child when you want to get stuff done and it suits you but when they ask to have him for longer when it doesnt suit you then its a flat no. Little bit selfish. They are asking if they can take him out for the day, not on a month long holiday. But because youre needy you dont want him to go. Look at it from his pov not yours. He would most likely love a day out with his GP's. Youre going to end up alienating them and when you need them for the odd hour so you can get your jobs done then they may say no. They are his grandparents and they love him and want to spend time with him, dont be so uptight about it. I really dont understand why some parents over think things like this so much. 🙄

Yanbu about not wanting to go without seeing your child for a whole day.

However, if he's at nursery, could they look after him one day a week instead of going to nursery?

Some absolutely ridiculous responses here.

YANBU OP. We lived abroad for the first 5 years of ds' life, so none of the grandparents saw ds more than a couple of times a year, and certainly not overnight by themselves. I was always there. Ds is 6yo now and has a wonderful relationship with them all. Quality, not quantity. None of them ever pushed me for overnights alone. And it certainly didn't affect playdates now he's older. From the age of 5 he was happy to be left at a birthday party, and at 6, he goes for days out with one of his friends parents without me. Stays happily with my mum or dad for days without me - either at mine or ds' request. Neither my parents nor PILs have ever asked for overnights. And if they had at 1yo I'd have said no. I needed to be with my baby then, not them.

YABVU

He's not your possession.

Are you scared he'll love you less if he loves them!?!

Well in future when you want some help or a favour I hope they shoot you down.

@20viona it’s not like she is stopping the GPs from seeing her DC

They won't love him unless they see him every week?

Not sure it's the op being unreasonable here. Don't be absurd

What a very nasty thing to say