To think this isn't normal?

[skinnylov]

I was at a caravan recently for a few nights with my family and I really could enjoy myself due to the constant thoughts and worries about germs.

The place seemed clean but whenever I was eating I kept picturing how many people had holidayed there previously and thinking about all their germs and dirt. I brought my own plates and cutlery as I have always been funny with that anyways and can't stand the thought of others (except people I know) eating off the same plates etc even if they've been washed. And even then how do I know if they have been washed properly? It makes me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

In the shower I would jump in and quickly clean and back out it would make my fully body shiver and get goosebumps just thinking of other peoples hair, snot and skin down the drain that I physically couldn't be in the shower for more than a couple minutes.

My husband has claimed I ruined the full holiday due to this as I didn't really eat however, I didn't tell him the real reason, would just say I'm not very hungry etc but I think he just knows by now.

The weird thing is at home I am not a clean freak at all. I spend time with my kids over cleaning the house. I really am not a germaphobe it's just in situations where others have been before me I can't stomach.

For instance when we first moved into our house I couldn't eat very well for a few months as I kept thinking about the previous occupants germs and dirt. However, after a few months and once I'd settled in I got over that. However, I refused to have a bath until we got a brand new one as I just couldn't bring myself to bathe somewhere someone else I didn't know had. So I went two years in my house without having a bath and just showering until we got our own one. I bathed a few times but now I can't as I always just think about the dirt and grime that's in the drain and how close I am to them lying in the bath.

I know this isn't normal behaviour but it's not something I feel I neee to get help for as it doesn't impact my day to day life. So I'm just wondering is anyone else the same or knows of anyone else the same? It's puzzling cause I'm really not a germaphobe and am fine at my friends house/parents house etc. It's just buses/hotels/caravans/planes/certain restaurants etc.

Untypical
If you were my DP it would be an untustainable and I would be looking at divorce. I couldnt live my life like that.

Seems you’re not alone at all with this. I’m very similar and going to a caravan last autumn for two nights was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I felt sick and anxious the whole time and wanted to come home due to how filthy I felt it was. You’re not wrong to feel how you do/it’s not ridiculous, but when you write it down and think about it once out of the stressful situation, perhaps you can see (as I can) that others around you don’t feel that way? It’s also so draining to not enjoy things like most others seem to. Even in my own home, I have to get our sofas and carpets professionally cleaned regularly as I hate the thought of all the germs in my home. I don’t visit many family members or my ILs because they just don’t clean/sanitise their homes to my needs and I find it so overwhelming. It’s not being snobby, it’s an intense feeling of being out of control.
Hope you can manage to get help with your anxieties.

Some of these parts are so sad. I feel for third if you with this kind of phobia (and I feel for your families too). But it bothers me that quite a few of you think it's okay, that you don't need help, and it's the rest of us that are wrong.

I also wonder if the kids who've grown up through the whole Covid thing will be a generation of germaphobes. That's really worrying.

Ffs. I can't phone type this evening. Some of these POSTS are so sad.

OP are you me? I had to re read this because I could have written your post.

I don’t see it as much of a hindrance - I just work round it. Lots of people are saying it’s not normal but I’d say it’s my normal and I’m ok with it.
My family think I’m funny and we all laugh but they do see my point sometimes. For example if we are eating/drinking out I always get the wine glass with someone else’s lipstick on. I’m always the one who gets a hair in their takeaway.
Maybe I just look harder than they do?

These intrusive thoughts are a form of OCD and you need help to overcome them, surely it's ruining your life

@notangelinajolie Errrmmm... But if you happen to get a not-so-clean wine glass, you ask for a clean one. And then carry on with your life. Like Everyone else would.
It's on a different scale if the possibility of a mucky glass makes you bring your own one everywhere.

It IS impacting your life. Please seek help,life could be so mich better for you.

Just speaking on my own behalf here, I get that my reactions which are exactly the same as OP are not quirks and are no doubt a form of mental illness. I handle it as best I can and so far the only person it affects is me. I am seeking help, but wait lists are shocking.

But what doesn't help is people debating things like how much skin is left places or how much cleaning you would have to do to genuinely de germ a place because tbh it adds to the anxiety of it all and will no doubt manifest itself somewhere.

I'm sure it's well-meaning and maybe it's just me who feels that way, but maybe just be mindful.

I am also like this pre-Covid I think I was fairly relaxed more anxious when travelling abroad and foreign places such as hotels. However since Covid it has extremely heightened I moved into a new place and thoughts were very worrying having said this I don’t think I have any problems I think it’s just a preference/habit.

My weirdest “quirk” at the moment during this heat is sanitising my feet after taking my sandals off when arriving home then tiptoeing straight to the bathroom to have a shower.

Also for the previous posters who have suggested getting help where would one seek such help?

Fucking hell.

It sounds a pretty miserable way to live. Hopefully those who have children are mindful about their actions.

I'd start with the GP.

And yet - if your name is anything to go by - you have a dog. Now .... if you are looking for a few germs to worry about head in the direction of pets!

I know this isn't normal behaviour but it's not something I feel I neee to get help for as it doesn't impact my day to day life.

It does impact your day to day life, though.

You have to heavily restrict where you eat, holiday, leisure activities like swimming are out..

Do you have children? This will massively negatively impact them. It’s already impacting your relationship with your husband.

Please get some help for it. As PP say, it is a treatable issue.

McDonalds are cleaner than the majority of 5 star restaurants. Their hygiene is shocking but they can get away with it because people think they look clean and assume they are be used they’re expensive.

*because not be used

The way you frame it as can't do <some perfectly normal thing>, but can do <something no one would ever consider a problem> shows that it certainly is affecting your life.

And no, it's not normal or healthy.

Of course we all make judgement calls about which situations are/aren't going to make us ill (in retrospect, the pizza restaurant in South America where there wasn't a sink to wash hands after going to the toilet was a mistake...)

But you really should feel like it's a considered choice, not something you can't do. And it shouldn't exclude normal things which don't risk making you ill like sharing washed plates and showers with people you don't know.

Go to your GP for help.

You say that this doesn't impact your life but you've given us a list of exactly how it impacts your life.

Your husband feels that your 'condition' ruined your family holiday.

Please talk to your GP. as soon as you can.

You are still n danger of exposing your children to this 'condition' and that would be very sad.

Your fears may well impact your marriage if you don't seek help and support.

I find it hard to eat as I am constantly thinking there is something icky in the air.. I didnt realise it was so abnormal.

'Something icky in the air'?! What does that even mean? Of course it's abnormal! How on earth do you think people coped through the whole of human history, before antibac sprays etc? People were living, eating and functioning for thousands and thousands of years before anyone knew germs were even a thing! If germs were visible, you'd realise how utterly futile it is to think you can actually avoid them!

All this 'ewwww' 'boak' stuff is just so infantile! If someone genuinely can't help it, and it's an actual compulsion rather than just ridiculous over-fastidiousness, then they should get some help!

OP, I work with teenagers and it's very common for kids who grow up with a parent at home with these sorts of issues to develop similar anxieties themselves. I've seen it many times. You say it isn't interfering with your day to day life, but that's because you avoid certain places and situations that are triggering for you. If left untreated these sorts of problems usually get worse over time and so the list of places and situations you have to avoid will get longer and longer, which will take a toll on your family life. Please go to your GP and ask for help, there will be a wait for this but at least you will be doing something about it.

It's obviously about how this poster feels and thier lack of control around the situation.

To call a mental health concern "infantile" says a lot about you.

So surprised with the amount of people on this thread excusing this as normal. It really, really isn't.

If I want to go out to eat or stay on holiday I just go there. No extra preparing or cleaning products or cutlery. I just go. If self catering and taking those things anyway I 'd give everything a rinse if it wasn't clean but otherwise I'd just crack on with life.

I went out with someone once who had OCD, it was horrible. He used to leap up after sex and shower, then not be able to go out on weekends as he had to do his laundry which took ages. He wouldn't travel by public transport.
It was a crap existence.

These sorts of things hugely impact your children. If it's got to the point your DH said you ruined the holiday it is surely time to grip it and get help. You don't want your children to suffer with OCD too.

I worked with someone once whose wife was like this. She would make him take clothes off after work before entering the house and then he had to go straight to the shower. They had a special porch built onto the front door for the changing of the clothes then he had to bung them into the washer. She would never allow a person not from their household in the family car because of germs so could never give anyone a lift. If he was invited on work dos he wouldn't be allowed to go (even if she wouldn't be going) because she couldn't guarantee the cleanliness of the place. It was horrible to see. He divorced her in the end I think.

Life can be so much calmer for you, OP.

So surprised with the amount of people on this thread excusing this as normal. It really, really isn't.

MN always has been like this. People don't want to admit they have a problem and so they convince themselves it's "normal ". It really isn't. The majority of the world thankfully don't act this way.

I just feel sorry for the children who have to witness this behaviour.