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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find working much harder now the kids are in school?

82 replies

Thebeastofsleep · 08/07/2022 14:26

When I got pregnant with DC1 I didn't think I would return to work, or if I did I would work part time. Turns out I hated mat leave and being a SAHP so returned full time after 12 months. DC went to a lovely nursery and all was good. When I had DC2, I again wanted to return full time, no issues. Nursery was great, kids loved it and it was all very easy. Everyone said to me "bet you can't wait until they go to school" etc like it was going to be easier or something? But I find it much harder. We chose a school with excellent wrap around care, so no issues in that regard however there's so much more to do - school fairs, plays, sports days, trips etc. It isn't even much cheaper. I'm finding it emotionally much harder to work now that they are in school. AIBU?

OP posts:
Miriam101 · 08/07/2022 14:29

yes- the mental load is much heavier I find, all the various things they need to go in with on different days, the events, shows etc, and that's aside from worries over socialising, friendships, playground dramas etc. argh! when will it end?!

SafelySoftly · 08/07/2022 14:32

This is not news!

gwenneh · 08/07/2022 14:35

YANBU. Quite apart from all of the daytime events we're expected to attend, there's keeping an eye on schoolwork, homework, activities, tutoring, which all becomes like a second full time job.

SparkyBlue · 08/07/2022 14:36

Yes absolutely. I worked until my eldest started school and then I took a break. It was so easy just dropping everyone to crèche and collecting them after work.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 08/07/2022 14:39

All those people asking you about looking forward to the school years must have been off their heads! It’s well known that nursery is the easiest period to cover.

I’ve also been warned that it’s as / more important to be available to teenagers (emotionally and time wise) as it is with toddlers, so I’m taking that into account when considering my plans for returning to full time work when they are at secondary school!

Original poster
Thebeastofsleep · 08/07/2022 14:43

SparkyBlue · 08/07/2022 14:36

Yes absolutely. I worked until my eldest started school and then I took a break. It was so easy just dropping everyone to crèche and collecting them after work.

I'd love to do that but we made financial decisions based on me working full time which would be near impossible to change now. I am looking to reduce my hours. DH does a lot as well, I just also feel like I'm missing out on more now as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thebeastofsleep · 08/07/2022 14:45

SafelySoftly · 08/07/2022 14:32

This is not news!

It is to me!

Loads of people said WFT was easier once they got to school. My colleagues now with little kids say they think it'll be easier once their kids are in school and that they'll get their career back etc then. Loads of friends too.

OP posts:
ChaiTea20 · 08/07/2022 14:51

I chose a school in part on the understanding it had wraparound provision... Took the place and when I made enquiries about signing up for the clubs, that they only actually have a breakfast club and no after school club that year 🤬 it also only has 2 childminders which pick up from the school. luckily I managed to get a place but honestly caused me so much stress. I'm looking forward to the hols when DC will be back in nursery at their holiday club!

Stroopwaffle5000 · 08/07/2022 14:53

It's much harder! And then you have all the after school clubs to take them to. My DD does 10.5 hours of gymnastics training a week plus competitions!! And don't even get me started on homework!!!

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/07/2022 14:53

Nursery is easy- open all year round, no big holidays to cover.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 08/07/2022 14:55

I agree. I worked throughout the nursery years but now don’t, am very lucky to be in that position. Nursery is expensive but so straightforward.

FishGottaSwim · 08/07/2022 14:58

Yep I agree with it being harder, and also agree with teens needing you more than they did at primary age. They look after themselves more practically, but your emotional presence is needed more.

Dixiechickonhols · 08/07/2022 15:00

Yes it’s much harder. Only issue with nursery is if they get ill and can’t go. DD’s nursery was open 7-6 virtually every day (they shut Xmas day I think that was it)
School is a lot more juggling plus they want to do activities. They also know if you aren’t there. I know you can’t go to everything but if you miss most assemblies/sports day/ stay and plays it’s hard. Plus sheer volume of emails and dress up days, trips, bring x or y.
I’m always surprised when people say oh I’ll work again when they are school age.

Eeiliethya · 08/07/2022 15:00

Mine is in reception and I already feel a failure as a parent.

Apparently I hadn't wrote a comment in her reading diary at all that week and got told off by her teacher in front of the other parents during drop offBear.

I did explain that I'd been working in Frankfurt and was lucky to come home to find the house in one piece, never mind the bloody reading diary!

Jules912 · 08/07/2022 15:05

I ended up dropping to part time after the kids started school, it makes the holidays easier and I luckily have a flexible job so I can work on my off days if I leave early for school events.

Chasingsquirrels · 08/07/2022 15:05

Eventually they only need turfing out of bed in the mornings then ferrying about in the evenings, then they leave home 😁

SparklyLeprechaun · 08/07/2022 15:08

Of course it's harder. My kids' nursery was open 7am-7pm so I never had to worry about running late at work or having to drop off in a rush because of an early morning meeting. After-school club was only open until 6pm and it was always stressful getting off work no later than 5:30 and praying there are no tube disruptions. Plus covering school holidays is an extra worry, and then they start having extra-curricular activities as well...

The two big advantages were that they are so much cheaper when at school, and of course a bit older and more independent.

RedWingBoots · 08/07/2022 15:09

Chasingsquirrels · 08/07/2022 15:05

Eventually they only need turfing out of bed in the mornings then ferrying about in the evenings, then they leave home 😁

No they bloody don't.

They need to speak to you about their latest crisis at some weird hour even though they spend the rest of the time grunting at you.

RedWingBoots · 08/07/2022 15:11

SparklyLeprechaun · 08/07/2022 15:08

Of course it's harder. My kids' nursery was open 7am-7pm so I never had to worry about running late at work or having to drop off in a rush because of an early morning meeting. After-school club was only open until 6pm and it was always stressful getting off work no later than 5:30 and praying there are no tube disruptions. Plus covering school holidays is an extra worry, and then they start having extra-curricular activities as well...

The two big advantages were that they are so much cheaper when at school, and of course a bit older and more independent.

Our childcare (nursery or CM) is only until 6pm and you need to turn up at least at 5.50pm at the latest.

Oh and if either of us turn up after 5.30pm my DD tells us off. 😂

itsgettingweird · 08/07/2022 15:14

Eeiliethya · 08/07/2022 15:00

Mine is in reception and I already feel a failure as a parent.

Apparently I hadn't wrote a comment in her reading diary at all that week and got told off by her teacher in front of the other parents during drop offBear.

I did explain that I'd been working in Frankfurt and was lucky to come home to find the house in one piece, never mind the bloody reading diary!

What did she say to that?!

maybein2022 · 08/07/2022 15:17

Working full time is hard no matter what the age, but on balance I think it’s harder when they’re at school. Nursery you can put them in all year round, and can budget accordingly (although it’s hugely expensive). That said, they are often ill and nurseries are (rightly!) strict about sending unwell kids home which can be a childcare nightmare, especially for periods of exclusion eg D&V, chicken pox etc. obviously this happens in school too, but I found mine were ill a lot more in nursery than they were once they got to school.

School is hard because of all the holidays, and clubs can be £££. As you say, parents’ evenings and sports days etc etc too.

It’s definitely hard. We as a family decided that both of us working FT was simply not going to work but appreciate that’s a choice we were lucky to have!

Original poster
Thebeastofsleep · 08/07/2022 15:24

maybein2022 · 08/07/2022 15:17

Working full time is hard no matter what the age, but on balance I think it’s harder when they’re at school. Nursery you can put them in all year round, and can budget accordingly (although it’s hugely expensive). That said, they are often ill and nurseries are (rightly!) strict about sending unwell kids home which can be a childcare nightmare, especially for periods of exclusion eg D&V, chicken pox etc. obviously this happens in school too, but I found mine were ill a lot more in nursery than they were once they got to school.

School is hard because of all the holidays, and clubs can be £££. As you say, parents’ evenings and sports days etc etc too.

It’s definitely hard. We as a family decided that both of us working FT was simply not going to work but appreciate that’s a choice we were lucky to have!

I don't find working full time hard, I love my job and with nursery it was absolutely fine. It was my choice though, so that helps.

We also haven't found school any cheaper. We are very fortunate that our school has an amazing holiday club so there's less stress in that regard but missing all the school activities I am finding very hard. Especially as lots of them are at short notice so I can't take time off (like today). We also can't commit to more than 1 non-school club a week (currently swimming) and I know the kids would love to do more.

OP posts:
JubileeTrifle · 08/07/2022 15:25

Nursery is the easiest time by far. 7.30am to 6pm and she was fed.

Our school had zero wrap round care so I had to get her picked up by another nursery (after school only though, no morning care) and then had to move to a childminder. Which she hated as everyone else was so much younger. Then rushing home for food and back out again.

Harridance · 08/07/2022 15:35

Surely all of life is a juggling act in some regard? Choices have to be made, some things have to take priority over others. Be it nursery or primary school, surely you knew having kids and working wasn't always going to be straightforward?

Original poster
Thebeastofsleep · 08/07/2022 15:39

Harridance · 08/07/2022 15:35

Surely all of life is a juggling act in some regard? Choices have to be made, some things have to take priority over others. Be it nursery or primary school, surely you knew having kids and working wasn't always going to be straightforward?

I didn't expect it to be straightforward, but I didn't expect it to get harder at school given I had been told the opposite.

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