AIBU to find working much harder now the kids are in school?

[Thebeastofsleep]

When I got pregnant with DC1 I didn't think I would return to work, or if I did I would work part time. Turns out I hated mat leave and being a SAHP so returned full time after 12 months. DC went to a lovely nursery and all was good. When I had DC2, I again wanted to return full time, no issues. Nursery was great, kids loved it and it was all very easy. Everyone said to me "bet you can't wait until they go to school" etc like it was going to be easier or something? But I find it much harder. We chose a school with excellent wrap around care, so no issues in that regard however there's so much more to do - school fairs, plays, sports days, trips etc. It isn't even much cheaper. I'm finding it emotionally much harder to work now that they are in school. AIBU?

Yes sooo much harder. Uniform, packed lunches, homework, playground drama, shows, parents nights, school trips etc.

Then the theme days....wear purple day, wear yellow day, own clothes day, world book day, odd socks day....it is never ending.

The letters, permission slips, christman fayre, summer fayre, collections for Ukraine, collections for the foodbank.....

Our school don't believe in giving notice either we were told about DD's 'special assembly' three days before it happened and they then wonder why the hall is half empty.

I've waffled on too much but yes OP YANBU!

Gosh, how insightful.

Oh soooo much harder. Especially because I have one at school and one I’m nursery three longer days. The conflicting schedules are a nightmare. At least when both are in school I can have one schedule to work to and they can both be in the same place at the same time.

We used to take odd days off for sanity and to catch up on household stuff or just spend some downtime together as a couple. Not any more - every last day of annual leave is needed to cover holidays.

My wfh days used to involve an hours lunch break where I got jobs done. Not any more - flat out work between school drop off and pick up to squeeze as many hours as I can into the shorter day.

I have a very flexible job and so does DH. I have no idea how people manage otherwise.

Fundragon - well of course its stating the bleeding obvious but I don't understand why so many working parents complain knowing it was never going to be straightforward, surely it's just part of life?

I hate to tell you but it gets worse the older they get…

Yeah, I quit when our youngest started school.
Went back when he was old enough to walk home alone when DH wfh.

Really?! How so?

No it doesn't, for some it gets easier

That’s really strange! I think everyone I know with children acknowledges that nursery is easier (8-6, five days a week) compared to school. The only thing that makes it easier is not having to pay as much for childcare.

I work four days a week, but spread over five days, which means I only need after school club for a couple of days a week. It’s a flexible job, so I can take a couple of hours for sports day or other events, which I’ve found is very important to my daughter (age 7). Is there any scope for you to reduce your hours or do compressed hours?

Keeping track of everything is tricky - I do a lot of reminders on my phone, and the class WhatsApp group is helpful if you need to check something!

Yep yep yep. I have two in two different schools and I’m slowly going insane trying to keep on top of all the bake sales and dress down days and projects, and then we foolishly let them do drama and music out of school too so there are lines to learn and instruments to practice and… I have no idea anymore. 10 and 5 is so much harder!

I had two terrible sleepers so although it is probably far harder logistically now, at least I am dealing with things on a clear head rather than 3 hours broken sleep. Everything is bearable if you are not sleep deprived!

I found it easier when I had both in primary rather than one in primary and one in nursery. That was a nightmare!

Our eldest is now Year 7 so getting her to a point where she is able to sort herself out lesson wise (5 lessons a day!) has been an “experience”. But we’ve got there and things are a bit easier now.

Genuinely have family friends and colleagues expressing surprise and "I don't how you do it" sentiments re WFT with 2 kids in nursery. I also got 2 promotions in that time - not a stealth brag but I cannot imagine doing it now, I feel like I'm constantly thinking about the kids at work and work when with the kids!

I've asked to reduce my hours by half a day a week which I will work flexibly which will help I think. DH already works compressed hours in the holidays which works well.

Can someone give me an example of how much time you have to take off work?

This thread is striking fear into my heart!

Also any insight in cost of wraparound card would be appreciated. We're really struggling at the moment with nursery fees and keep saying "it'll get easier when they're at school"!

School involves much more juggling.
I chose a nursery when my first was 8 months old and that was that - year round care , for years, from 8-6 (except illness) and almost no input.

I naively assumed there would be before and after school clubs and holidays clubs with spaces.
I discovered that the before school club started quite late, there was no afterschool club on certain days and the holiday clubs did 'extended days' which were 10-4 and not for the whole holidays. And annoyingly you had to be 5 for any my son only turned 5 at the end of the summer.

So in our school, all events are in the day time, school days.

This term, there's been 1 school trip per school year (so 2 trips for me) where they asked for parent helpers - not compulsory obviously but my kids really want me to go. There was an awards ceremony, a parents 'evening' (4-6pm), a school fair, sports day, fathers day event, concert and a special assembly.

Autumn term there's a play, a school trip, parents evening and a christmas fair. Spring term there's Easter play, school trip, Easter fair, awards ceremony, concert and mothers day event.

There's also short notice awards assembly's they invite the parents of the kids getting awards to.

Our school breakfast club is £5.95 7.30 - school start and includes breakfast. After school club is £8 until 6pm. Its the cheapest around and very flexible - you don't need to book at all, just get charged for what we use.

Another school we considered (and discounted because of the wrap around care) was an external provider, 12 spaces per year group, no guarantee of a place and you needed to book a half term at a time - it was £9 for breakfast and £11 for after school care (7.30 - 6).

Our school holiday club is £26 per day 7.30 - 6, the other ones are usually week blocks for £120 9 - 3and theres a forest school at £35 per day 8-6.

We are very, very lucky with our school provision.

We found it was cheapest when the 30 free hours kicked in, then went up again a little in cost at school.

For the purposes of transparency, the cost isn't my issue and my kids are at a private primary (think montessori rather than eton) and I'm not including school fees in any of these costs.

In terms of time off though it doesn't seem more than state schools near us that friends kids go to.

I also hear people say that they'll go back to work when the kids are at school all the time, with the implication that's much easier than going back after mat leave. I also see that advice being given to women with babies all the time, including on MN, 'they're not little for long, you can always build your career back up when they're at school'. It's an absolute lie that women are sold, but it's definitely a common one.

I've never been more tired since eldest started at school - I've always worked full time - im dreading the twins starting school I have so many post it notes on the fridge as it is I'm going to need a bigger fridge 😂 thankgod for the class WhatsApp group that's really good another sending reminders round

Put things in your phone diary, better than post it notes on the fridge. I treat the school diary like a job.

Mmm, this is why the idea that everyone knows well in advance how it'll be just isn't true.

Quite apart from anything else, all school aged children were born well before the pandemic and so their parents couldn't possibly have known what impact it would have on the availability of wraparound care.

@itsgettingweird

Just repeated that it needs to be filled in. I said "OK" and tootled off seething in a very British way.

The teacher is just trying to do her job, as are you in frankfurt I presume, not sure geography has anything to do with it

Yes, exactly this sort of thing.

So I don't think it is common knowledge at all.

It's much harder. School don't help either by giving minimal notice for sports days/assemblies/wear a red t shirt day etc etc. My dc have had to get used to me not being at these events , as by the time we find out out about them it's too late for me to take leave. School assume everyone had a parent who stays at home.

No they don't