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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have my children at our Wedding Reception - advice needed?

40 replies

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 20:28

So we are finally going to tie the knot, we have got a lovely country hotel booked for the daytime, only about 20 people there and am planning toys etc for our sons who will be 3 and 2, lots of photos of them and all of the family members they love the most.

In the evening we have hired a local pub, with a band until about midnight. All of our friends and family will be there (about 80).

So..mine and my H2B thoughts were to take the babies home after the meal give them their usual routine (bath/bed) and arrange for a trusted friend to sit with them (they usually go to bed at 7pm) and we can relax and enjoy the evening, which starts at 7.30. It has already been mentioned twice by my mother that she assumes/hopes the children will be there in the evening as some people will have travelled a long way and wont have seen them in the daytime, I am really torn as I understand this but I know neither of us will relax if we are worried they are overtired/bored/cant sleep, let alone the logistics of who is sober enough to drive them home at 8/9pm at night if it did happen. any advice anyone????

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 16/01/2008 20:30

go with what you want.
sounds good to me.
you have the day time event for people to see them after all.

pukkapatch · 16/01/2008 20:31

yabu

Original poster

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 20:33

I guess am having a complex, am I being selfish and will I regret it in years to come? (thanks slartybartfast, where the hell did u get that name from

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 16/01/2008 20:33

has yoru mother offered to be sober enough to drive?

SlartyBartFast · 16/01/2008 20:33

MinkVelvet · 16/01/2008 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl · 16/01/2008 20:34

If people have travelled a long presumably they will stay overnight so you coul have a brunch the following day with children there for them to enjoy?

ComeOVeneer · 16/01/2008 20:35

Sounds totally reasonable. By 7.30pm after the excitment of the day a 2 and a 3 year old will be ready for bed.

I think your mother probably just wants to (understandably) show off her grandchildren.

donbean · 16/01/2008 20:36

stand your ground.
its your day, your children, do not be dictated to.
however be nice about it, say to mum, that after much thought it will be too much for the children so your HTB has decided that the kids should go home.
OBVIOUSLY you need to put the blame on some one else entirely.

kindersurprise · 16/01/2008 20:36

If they usually go to bed at 7pm then they are unlikely to want to be passed around your guests in the evening. They will be grumpy and tired, not much fun for them or you.

We were at a wedding last year when DS was 3 and he was so exhausted that he fell into bed at his usual time. In contrast, the bride's DD (same age) was up till 10.30pm then was taken home by the bride. She would not settle for anyone else and so the rest of the wedding reception carried on without the bride. Was a real shame.

You should do what you want and anyone who wants to see them could always come the next day (assuming if they are travelling so far that they will be staying overnight)

It is your wedding. Do what you want.

ComeOVeneer · 16/01/2008 20:37

So she puts the wishes of those that have travelled over what is best for her grandchildren . I think you need to stand firm on this one. The brunch is a good compromise.

Chequers · 16/01/2008 20:37

Message withdrawn

Original poster

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 20:37

Funnily enough no!, exactly what DP thinks it is going to end up down to us and ruin our night. I guess she just wants her frinds to see her Grandchildren etc which I can understand as they wont see them in the daytime.

OP posts:

Shitemum · 16/01/2008 20:37

Definately have a brunch the next day. Some friends of mine got married in England, tho they lived in Germany. There were people from all over the world invited. They had a sedate party the night before (bride's b'day) and a brunch the day after.

JingleyJen · 16/01/2008 20:38

I think your plan sounds the best for everyone concerned!
Your Mum is dreaming and not seeing the practicality or reality of the situation. Be kind but firm - Yes mum it would be lovely if it would work but it won't and on my wedding day I don't want to be looking after the children when they are tired and cranky.

alarkaspree · 16/01/2008 20:38

Your guests are coming to celebrate with you, dance and get pissed, aren't they? I doubt they will be disappointed by the absence of your children. So if you will enjoy yourselves more without them there, yanbu.

Having said that, I've found that my children always cope with the occasional late night a lot better than I think they will. My dd was just over 2 at my sister's wedding and stayed up until midnight having a fantastic time. She was the only child there. If it was me, I'd want my children there.

Shitemum · 16/01/2008 20:38

maybe the same hotel will be happy to organise the brunch for you?

donbean · 16/01/2008 20:39

just add to that as well..."selfish bastard, i wanted them to see the family but he has put his foot down"

Go on pile it on...tell him that if he takes the flack for this, he can consider it as a wedding present from him to you...and you will make it worth while.

bookwormmum · 16/01/2008 20:40

Children normally end up either asleep in buggies or running around overtired at weddings anyway. Your plan sounds ideal to me.

Original poster

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 20:41

Thanks everyone, and "yes" we are having a sunday brunch/lunch thing the next day, and am sure the boys would be on top form for that. I think I may regret it more if they do come than if they dont after hearing your comments.

OP posts:

Chequers · 16/01/2008 20:42

Message withdrawn

BrownSuga · 16/01/2008 20:43

It sounds fine. Your dc's will be there during the day, leave the night for the adults.

oxocube · 16/01/2008 20:44

given the ages of your children, your plan sounds perfect. Young children + loud music + lots of adults they don't know + lack of routine = unhappy and unsettled kids IMO. If they were older ie 6 plus, i think I would feel differently but YANBU

Original poster

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 20:44

Donbeam - LOL - will u be my extra bridesmaid!

OP posts:

Octothechildherder · 16/01/2008 20:45

Put them to bed

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