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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have my children at our Wedding Reception - advice needed?

40 replies

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 20:28

So we are finally going to tie the knot, we have got a lovely country hotel booked for the daytime, only about 20 people there and am planning toys etc for our sons who will be 3 and 2, lots of photos of them and all of the family members they love the most.

In the evening we have hired a local pub, with a band until about midnight. All of our friends and family will be there (about 80).

So..mine and my H2B thoughts were to take the babies home after the meal give them their usual routine (bath/bed) and arrange for a trusted friend to sit with them (they usually go to bed at 7pm) and we can relax and enjoy the evening, which starts at 7.30. It has already been mentioned twice by my mother that she assumes/hopes the children will be there in the evening as some people will have travelled a long way and wont have seen them in the daytime, I am really torn as I understand this but I know neither of us will relax if we are worried they are overtired/bored/cant sleep, let alone the logistics of who is sober enough to drive them home at 8/9pm at night if it did happen. any advice anyone????

OP posts:

Octothechildherder · 16/01/2008 20:46

And I should know as a professional childherder

donbean · 16/01/2008 20:47

yeah, course!

My dh gets the blame for just about everything in our house.

Whispers "he doesnt know about any of it either so keep your voice down".
He often says to me...wonder why your mum gives me so many dirty looks all the time?

Roskva · 16/01/2008 20:49

I would stick with your own plan. A couple of months back dd (who was specifically invited) and I went to a wedding and reception. I wasn't staying over, so had to leave imediately after dinner with an overtired, hyperactive little person, and stay sober to drive home. The parents of another small person spent most of dinner taking it in turns rushing across the room to prevent their little one making a bee-line for an open door. My feeling from your op is that you will enjoy your party a lot more knowing you dcs are safe in bed at home with someone there specifically to look after them. It is your day, so go with what will make you and your dh-to-be happy. I like the brunch suggestion, or if your Mum wants to show of the grandchildren, maybe she could host a lunch at another time?

Original poster

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 21:12

Thanks Roskva, experience of this situation is exactly what I need, I cant see a 3 & 2 year old enjoying a Frank Sinatra tribute band at 9pm.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyplonk · 16/01/2008 21:15

And Octothechildherder - please travel to Wiltshire and meet me for a possible long-night of babysitting.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/01/2008 21:16

I had my two (4.5 and 2.5) at ours until midnight when we finally went home.

They were fine - entertained by various family members and the little pressies they got on the day.

They were very tired, but, it was Just One Day.

Up to you what you do. But someone is going to end up babysitting and missing out too.

LoveAngel · 16/01/2008 21:17

YANBU. What MinkVelvet said.

Nip · 16/01/2008 21:19

your plan sounds lovely, we didnt have children at our wedding and we found no-one was offended and many of the parents said they had a cracking time because they had no worries etc.

Its your wedding, your choice!

Octothechildherder · 16/01/2008 21:44

mummplonk - I am in wiltshire

Wordsmith · 16/01/2008 21:49

Your mum is the one who is being unreasonable. It's your big day and your children will have had a lovely time seeing you during the daytime getting married. They'll just be crabby in the evening and spoil it for you. If your friends who have travelled a long way really want to see the children perhaps they should book a room and come and see them the next day.

If you do bring them along I would hire a trusted babysitter to look after them and take them home when they're tired. You still wouldn't be able to relax, though.

have a great day!

pralinegirl · 16/01/2008 21:51

We had our DS, then 18 months at our wedding and the reception. We took the travel cot hoping he'd sleep in a corner of the marquee eventually - he of course didn't. There were lots of older cousins who he ran around with happily until around 10 and then he fell asleep on my dad's lap. But the point was firstly he had enough adults and older kids for me to offload him and secondly I didn't feel guilty - on the contrary I got my brother to change his nappy, who came back covered in c--p! But he'd had 2 kids of his own. The point is its your day, if you won't have enough help to look after them or they will just want you or you will feel guilty insist on doing it your way. Your mum wants what is best for her, not you. We actually had a BBQ night before the wedding for those who wanted to come, same idea as the brunch I suppose. It worked very well and finished early so no-one was tired next day.

ravenAK · 16/01/2008 21:57

Definitely YANBU.

Ds & dd stayed up till about 10pm at their uncle's wedding & really enjoyed it - they're about the age of your two.

BUT we were staying at the venue & had agreed that as soon they got mardy, one of us would put them to bed, then we'd take it in turns to stay with them.

Fine as guests (especially as dh is teetotal & I'm pg, so no boozing anyway). Not such a great idea if you're the B&G! I'd definitely stick to your planned arrangements.

izzybobsmum · 17/01/2008 09:28

YANBU

Took my dd - aged 2 - to a wedding last Saturday - we were there all day and for the night do as well. DD was so excited she wouldn't go to sleep during the day, and consequently the night do was a complete nightmare - she was shattered and crying the whole time and we had to go home in the end as it was just too much for her. We wish we'd got a babysitter for the evening do now then we'd've been able to enjoy it more....

Your plan sounds good to me!

idlingabout · 17/01/2008 11:31

YANBU at all. Your wedding NOT your mother's. The people travelling have been invited to YOUR WEDDING - that is the prime event. I wouldn't agree about getting your HTB to take the blame at all as it is your mother who is causing the problem not his. Your mother needs to hear from you what you want. Stand your ground and have a great day.

Original poster

mummyplonk · 17/01/2008 12:41

Thanks for the advice everyone, I have also found out there is a projector in the reception room so we can project some digital photies of the daytime for those who didnt see the children dressed up in the evening whilst people are having their food, which will be nice. It does present a problem as all of our close friends/family will be there in the evening so Octothechildherder if you are interested in having a chat could you e-mail me ([email protected]). Thanks all.

OP posts:

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