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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What are the pros of having kids?

127 replies

Hippopotas · 06/07/2022 14:16

I am struggling with the decision on whether to have kids and am struggling to come up with pros.

so wonderful mumsnet please enlighten me.

also do the pros outweigh the cons in your opinion?

OP posts:
EagleThrustSeven · 07/07/2022 12:54

With respect to the OP, I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read "struggling to come up with pros to have children".

I mean, where to begin?

LOVE, its all about LOVE.

LOVE is the reason we exist, its the reason we form friend- and relationships and, yes, its the reason we have children.

An extra small person on the scene represents an objective increase in LOVE going around, and how can that be anything other than a massive plus-point?

Yes, it can be difficult, tiring, frustrating and - due to the way society is structured - bloody expensive, but so what? LOVE trumps all of that.

You want pros?

The triumph of a first step or word, the wonder of story time, the magic of sharing new experiences with a child, the indescribable bond when looking deep into each others eyes, the gumsy smiles, santa and the tooth fairy, the snottery noses, the pride to see them grow, develop and achieve, the laughter, the tears of joy, the cuddles, the lifelong companionship, the LOVE! Its all about the LOVE!

(If you prefer a more sterile reason - the success of passing on and so perpetuating your DNA!)

Of course, a couple starting a family should be a firm and positive decision and if not sure then we should wait - but im struggling to see how anyone could not identify any pros about children.

Its sad that the modern age drills women to see kids as an inconvenience or handicap. Nothing could be further from the truth.

(Dont listen to any rubbish about over-population - its all nonsense and indeed the west has been suffering a severe demographic winter for decades now.)

Next week, "Breathing: Should I do? Unsure of the benefits."

PurpleDaisies · 07/07/2022 13:02

Any thoughts on all these replies @Hippopotas ?

Mommabear20 · 07/07/2022 13:03

As a mum of 2, nearly 3, kids, I'll tell you (IMO) there's no actual pros like there are cons.
Obvious cons are:

  • they're expensive
  • they don't sleep
  • they rarely listen
  • your life revolves around them
Etc But it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done and I wouldn't change it for the world. It's not something you can decide through pros and cons, like pp have said you either want them or you don't, and just because you don't want them now, doesn't mean you won't want them on the future. My friend was dead against them for years and then at 35 decided she's done everything else she wanted in life and had a little boy and is the best mummy ever now. Life is messy and unpredictable, you have to do what feels right for you when it feels right for you
Cotswoldmama · 07/07/2022 13:03

It's hard to say as I have always wanted children and I don't think any cons would have put me off. Going from one to two was so tough and even if I could see into the future after having one and see how much harder it is I'd still have two.
After giving birth I remember feeling such an overwhelming feeling of love and it made me feel loved too because I realised this feeling I had my mum and dad must have for me and I had never really thought about it. Little things they do make your heart swell and how they are with each other. Obviously there are really hard times too like no sleep and and having a baby attached to your boob sometimes all day, the cost of childcare, the tantrums, the fighting, the worry about things like are they making friends, are they happy, are they where they should be at school. For me it's all worth it.

CauliWobble · 07/07/2022 13:03

After a couple of years of hard work and sleepless nights they come running up to you for a hug and say muummmeeee and your heart melts.

Its really not for everyone though. It's brutal.

RampantIvy · 07/07/2022 13:09

You never stop worrying about your children, regardless of how old they are.

GrowlingManchego · 07/07/2022 13:09

There aren’t really many pros. I love my kids, I enjoyed them as babies, they became lovely teens, and wouldn’t for the world be without them now, but if I was at the decision point again today I wouldn’t choose to have them.

Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 13:11

PurpleDaisies · 07/07/2022 13:02

Any thoughts on all these replies @Hippopotas ?

Maybe it’s not for me after all. I do want a child but equally I want my freedom and I need to decide which I want more.

OP posts:
imperialminty · 07/07/2022 13:12

How do you balance that with the risks though?

Sometimes all I see is risk - risk that a child will be seriously disabled, or get childhood cancer, or have serious mental health problems… this whole person I can’t control in anyway who can bring such tragedy and difficulty into my life… Is that worth it?

SmashingEgg · 07/07/2022 13:15

The pros of having kids? None.

lonelydad2022 · 07/07/2022 13:19

The mutual unconditional love.

EagleThrustSeven · 07/07/2022 13:19

Goodness me, what a bunch of selfish misery guts there are on here!

PurpleDaisies · 07/07/2022 13:32

EagleThrustSeven · 07/07/2022 13:19

Goodness me, what a bunch of selfish misery guts there are on here!

Not wanting kids means you’re selfish? It’s a choice not a character failing.

hulahooper2 · 07/07/2022 13:43

All the love , fun and pride x

RampantIvy · 07/07/2022 15:31

EagleThrustSeven · 07/07/2022 13:19

Goodness me, what a bunch of selfish misery guts there are on here!

Isn't it just as selfish to have children?
We aren't all ruled by our hormones.

Hoolihan · 07/07/2022 15:37

There is no greater joy in life than buying your tiny daughter a little frilly dress in Zara Kids.

PestoPasghetti · 07/07/2022 15:39

Babdoc · 06/07/2022 14:28

They are a lot of hard work, but eventually you end up with a couple of wonderful adults whom you love to bits, find endlessly amusing, adore spending time with, and know will always look out for you, as you will for them. And they choose lovely men as partners, who you welcome into your family too. My adult DDs are my favourite people.

Mmmm, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't! My brother dropped my mum the minute he got married, despite us being a very close family until then.

Milkthistle55 · 07/07/2022 15:40

A baby or toddler is HARD WORK!!
Once they are 10+ life becomes slightly easier (for me anyway).

I have some by choice childless friends, going on fancy holiday's whenever they want, less money worries, more disposable income etc etc. They have very happy lives too.

EagleThrustSeven · 07/07/2022 15:50

@PurpleDaisies @RampantIvy

Hi - if someone doesnt want kids, fair enough, with my misery guts comment I was meaning the various people who say or hint they regret having their kids.

I think that is a great shame. Imagine how someone would feel to learn their parents regretted having them.

PurpleDaisies · 07/07/2022 15:57

EagleThrustSeven · 07/07/2022 15:50

@PurpleDaisies @RampantIvy

Hi - if someone doesnt want kids, fair enough, with my misery guts comment I was meaning the various people who say or hint they regret having their kids.

I think that is a great shame. Imagine how someone would feel to learn their parents regretted having them.

It’s an anonymous forum. I’m sure those parents would still say they love their children but life hadn’t turned out in the way that they imagined. Having met parents with wonderful but very, very challenging children, I can totally understand that. Everyone’s circumstances are different and it’s a shame you can’t find a bit of empathy for those who struggle more than you do.

CeratopsofthePharoahs · 07/07/2022 16:29

For me - the snuggles. My eldest is 11 and I don't get so many now, but when he does hug me he really means it.

Also he's an excellent wingman on multiplayer games.

catandcoffee · 07/07/2022 16:38

Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 13:11

Maybe it’s not for me after all. I do want a child but equally I want my freedom and I need to decide which I want more.

There is no freedom when you have a child.
You will never ever be free to do ' your thing ' again. People will come on and disagree but it's the truth.

Everything has to be meticulously planned when you have a child.

GrimDamnFanjo · 08/07/2022 13:58

A child makes you a different person. Do you want to change?

RonObvious · 08/07/2022 14:36

The pros are my kids. They are fucking awesome. They can wind me up something chronic at times, but they are hilarious, sweet, fun to be with, and I can't imagine life without them.

Disclaimer: results may vary.

malificent7 · 08/07/2022 15:15

Pros: Eating the kids' Easter eggs.
Going on days out to theme parks.
Buying cute baby clothes.
Hugs.
Love.

Cons:
no freedom.
Competitive parents.
Teens are tough.
Expensive.
Realising your dc are stubborn af and refuse to do anything you ask.