What are the pros of having kids?

[Hippopotas]

I am struggling with the decision on whether to have kids and am struggling to come up with pros.

so wonderful mumsnet please enlighten me.

also do the pros outweigh the cons in your opinion?

I was a bit ambivalent, pre-kids. I have 3 now. Today one of mine made me laugh so much my face hurt.

I knew I always wanted them and planned them with DH but beyond that hadn't really thought what it would be like and did have every pg wtf have I done moments of panic.

I really like kids generally - in small doses. But have found my own to just be the best thing ever. It's been the most fun on the least sleep.
Granted, it's not always easy and the worry at times is like nothing else I have experienced. But seeing someone grow and change from a baby to a teenager on the cusp of adulthood has been truly amazing. It's been interesting how this has changed me too.
Personally I have no regrets about having a baby.

The love for children is a whole different level of fierceness.

I was a very unmaternal sort. Didn't think I had it in me. A car mounted the pavement at DD while she was in a pram. I could very happily have dragged the driver out of the car and done horrifying things. Took me properly by surprise.

It's a visceral thing.

You can have the worst day in the world but as soon as you see their little face light up after seeing you it makes all the shit worth it.

When they are 18 they can go and buy me wine from the shop!

I’m in a similar position to you, OP, and was having this conversation with my Mum a few weeks ago.

She said to me one of her favourite things was how special it was to have created a whole new person with the person you love the most (as in your partner). She said it’s just so special and she can’t describe how magical it felt for her and Dad to have me, who was a bit of her and a bit of him and also my own person. She said it was a wonderful experience to have as a couple. I found that quite amazing sounding, and I’m usually very negative about the idea!

The most obvious pros are fun and love.

'Grow Your Own Care Worker'?

My youngest son is such an absolute delight to be around. He looks after me! He has started to make me breakfast at the weekend! He is really good company and makes me laugh. We do loads of reading together and having interesting conversations about the characters in the book. We enjoy watching the same films etc. I just love being around him.
My older kids are quite lively also but are super independent so I have much less to do with them.

The push chair can hold so many shopping bags ! It's amazing 😂

It's not really a pros and cons thing. They give me purpose. I just knew I wanted them. They are exhausting and cost a lot of money but regardless you just love them.

I can only speak for myself OP but you will never love anyone like you love your children. Having children made me realise that it's not all about me and I'm a better person for having had them.

This! Fabulous

My DD is 12, and will fetch things for me from upstairs or downstairs, and always makes sure my bag is zipped up in the supermarket. She will remember the things that aren't on the shopping list, and drives the trolley for me.

She also always gives me a kiss and a thank you when I cook her a nice dinner.

She really is the best!

There is just something indescribably wonderful about her and she makes me feel indescribably wonderful several times a day 💖

OP, if I could have my time again I wouldn't have kids. Friends who are my age (late 50s) who didn't have them are happier, thinner, richer and more content.

The trouble is, you can't tell whether you're going to like it until you have them and by then it's too late. Ours have cost us a lot in terms of time and our relationship and the damage it's done to that. The financial cost has been the best part of £500k. We've had to deal with all sorts of really painful and difficult scenarios which wouldn't have happened had we not had kids. They've caused us untold heartache and pain. I love them but if I could go back I wouldn't do it tbh.

Were you quite selfish (I mean that without negative connotations, more just self-focussed) before kids? I’m an only child and I’m quite selfish, and my Mum says having kids will help me a lot if I choose to do it. I’m really interested in your comment.

This really made me smile snd really happy for you and your family.

Meh, I never wanted kids and I maintain DH and I would have remained extremely happy (and a million times less anxious) without them. We had a contraceptive failure with the first and then decided to have two because that’s what you do. I had exceedingly low expectations of parenthood and actually parts of it have been lovely. On the other hand lots of it has been endlessly anxiety inducing. DS has developed a life-long medical condition which is very worrying and DD seems to have huge health and social anxiety which is a kick back from Covid - the gift that keeps on giving.

The years between 5 and 10 were the halcyon years really and I thoroughly enjoyed them, however, everything before and since has been quite hard work.

I would say unless you have a really overwhelming urge to have children, don’t.

Kids are messy and expensive. No pros except that when you have them you love them so much. Its not a pros and cons thing. It's emotion.

-Incredible love and bond (sometimes this takes time and that’s totally okay!).

-The hilarious and wise things they say

-when they show love and concern for you using the same exact phrases that you use for them - so sweet!

-dancing the kitchen like no one is watching, yeah I know, but really.

-siblings loving each other, so heartwarming

-family moments where you think ‘yes, this is IT’

I think it’s perfectly possible to live a happy and fulfilled life without children. Although, I would assume that’s much harder to accomplish if it’s not been a choice to not have children though.

I read one of these threads once and someone said “you can go part time after you’ve had kids” and I think they were being serious. It was so sad.

But anyway, my DC make me happier than anything else ever has. It’s difficult to explain but they’re both just amazing. Hard work though!

The love.
The sheer unadulterated joy of them.
the friends and community that we have that we wouldn’t have without kids.
the fact that having them makes you selfless, there really is something more important than yourself.
The experiences I have had that I’d not likely have without kids.
kids are funny as hell, and full of energy, and interesting and see the world in all kinds of new ways.
and yes, I know I could have got to know my community better, or gone to safari parks, or Disney, or become a sports coach etc without kids but the reality is, I probably wouldn’t have.

Oh, and now they’re a bit older they can go to the shop and run errands, and are my spare legs when I’ve left my specs in the top floor 🤓