DH says I’ll be unemployable if I quit.. AIBU?

[NCdaysl]

I’m entering my third month of a new job and hate it. From day one the workload was completely unmanageable (it’s a ‘dual role’ but turns out it’s really a job for 2 people) and the organisational culture has turned out to be miles apart from what was described (very old school, not open to new suggestions or ways of working. I’m also one of only two women in the entire company which is isolating). I have very little support, which is expected to some degree as I’m at a senior level, but there was no easing in to the role at all. From day one, I’ve been working until 11pm most nights and the weekend. This is a huge shift from all of my previous roles (same specialism) where I’ve had a good work life balance and for the extra £10k I got for coming here, I just don’t feel it’s worth it.

I find myself in tears most days and have reached the stage where I just know I don’t want to be here and would like to start applying for new jobs. DH is insistent that I must stick it out, as trying to leave a role prior to the 6 month mark is a big no no and would be ‘career sabotage’ according to him. I’ve never been in this position before, my shortest stint ever has been 2.5 years, so I really have no idea how recruiters would perceive an application from someone who’d only been in their current role for such a short time.
Would be really grateful to hear others views and experiences on this. Thank you

If I were you I'd job hunt, take a job offer and then resign. I wouldn't be leaving myself out of work.

I don't agree with your husband, sometimes some people just aren't right for the job and that's okay.

My DH has been in this postion and what we found was because he had stayed in his previous roles for a decent amount of time the gap actually reflected badly on the employer he was leaving rather than on him.

If you were leaving lots of jobs after 6 months it would reflect badly on you. If its a one off after a career of doing the opposite it wont reflect badly on you in my experience.

One short stint in a job is absolutely fine as long as you can explain clearly in an interview what you didn't like about it (something to do with the role not the people you work with) and why you think the job you are applying for will be different.

OP, life is too short to be miserable at work. We spend most of our life working. Why would you want to spend most of your time miserable? This will make you ill.

You are definitely not unemployable. Far from it.

It’s nobodies business why you leave a role after a short time frame. If anyone asks, simply say “It wasn’t for me”.

Start looking for something else, today. Don’t sit wondering what life could be like elsewhere.

I can guarantee you are just a number to your current employer. If you leave or go off on sick they won’t give a rats arse about you or your health. For your own sanity and well-being get the hell out of there, you will find something else!

I wouldn’t just quit with nothing else to go to, but I would start active looking for another role.

It's absolutely fine and actually the sooner the better. This is a very different situation to being a job-hopper. With an otherwise stable employment history, every recruiter will understand the 'I have found it's not the right role for me' as a one-off.

Yes personally I find its best to be in a job while job hunting if you can even if you temp for a bit

I don't think it would make you unemployable. A 3 month gap between jobs isn't unheard of, and if you really felt that you didn't want to own up to only staying in a job for a few months you could just make up an excuse for the gap. Caring commitments, house renovations, travelling, restful break etc.

Good point, if you hang around too long it might come across as you're a bit indecisive

Start applying for jobs, and move when you get one irrespective of the time you've been in post. The simple 'it turned out not to be a good fit' phrase is fine if you've stayed in other jobs longer

What is the market like in your field? Can you make some phone calls and find out if anyone is looking? I lasted 3 weeks at one job and in another I about 5 and the day I left I saw an ad and got that job.

And guess what, nobody cared!

A short time in role will not sabotage your career.

i stayed in a role for similar fears once, eventually left then had two very short time roles as I joined one company just as they had to make sudden redundancies then took a short term contract while I looked for something else.
no one has ever queried it and it’s certainly never stopped me getting other jobs.

i wish now I’d just left the horrible job straight away and not worried about it.

contact some recruiters asap and tell them you’ll consider some short term contracts but you want out asap.
STC’s will give you breathing space to find the right next step for you.

Coming from experience from both sides of this, I found a much better job much faster when I was already employed.

He's a bit like those men who tell you that if you break up, no man will ever want you again. Take no notice. If you're not happy, get out.

Also the other thing to remember is its very rare for employers to ask why you left previous roles. So you will probably only have to go through any questions about leaving this job once. After that future employers will probably assume it was a fixed term contract etc and think nothing of it

Nope you job hunt and explain.
"This is what I learned I am not willing to put up with are very important about the culture of the organisation. So how do you meet my needs for...."

"They are good people to work for, they were in the process of reorganising the role, but I want to stick with [your offered role]..."

You failed your side of the interview process by not exploring what they were like as an organisation and what the job was real going to be. Management reporting lines etc. You need to pratice how to interview them so that you get to figure out what "your" type of people are and if they are "your" type of people.

The other thing you need to ask yourself is why do you not feel confident to turn to your manager and say you need to off-load some of the tasks. It can be a difficult thing to do but what is the worst that would happen if you go in and say this is not working. You have made up your mind to leave anyway

Plus the maths
09:00-17:00 is 8 hr
09:00-23:00 is 14 hr + weekends

So you have doubled your work time for £10k

Unless you were only on £20k you have given yourself a substantial paycut.

If it was me I would look for another job whilst in the role however I would probably leave this job out of the cv/applications and look for an excuse as to why I had a gap between employment.

Your husband is a twit. In my (emp law) experience, employers are a lot happier with a good hire who saw and called a shit last job than with a six month stint, which will just be hating it and a couple of months off with stress anyway.

Be clear, be honest and if the next job says 'but we only have middle-aged men!' that's a pretty good sign they aren't for you either.

No one can sustain working those hours, it's going to break you physically just as it is breaking your spirit. Its just not worth it for 10 k a year extra, not if you break that down into pay per actual hours worked.

Start looking for a new job today, the sooner you leave, the better.

Can you afford to be out of work if you quit and don't find something else?

I'd look to move on your health is worth more as working those hours and dealing with toxic culture daily isn't sustainable so your at risk of ending up with depression. That's a much greater risk to employability because your self belief also goes down plughole it can then make it very difficult to be able to get a new job even if you don't end up signed off sick.

i don't think one short job role on CV would look bad on you, it's harder to explain if you then stayed putting up with crap for year or 2. If similar industry they may even already know which companies have poor reputation for staff turnover.

I really don't think the whole 'short time in role' thing is as much of an issue these days as it used to be, at least in certain industries.

I changed career 3 years ago to something completely new and have had 4 roles since, so none were for very long relatively speaking. Not once was it ever raised at an interview in a negative way, though I did provide my reasoning in each case for moving on when I did.

The fact that contracting is now so much more common means that lots of people have longer CVs and it's not going to put a recruiter off from at least speaking to you if you tick all of their boxes.

As PP say, one short stint reflects more poorly on the employer than on you, and is entirely tolerable in an otherwise stable career.

If you have some savings or think you'd have a good shot at picking up short term contracts, I'd go ahead and quit. Before your probation is up - this is what probation is for, for both of you to decide if a job is a long term match and walk away if it's not. You no doubt have contacts, you have skills - you'll fall on your feet.

You’re in month 3, if you send your first application today you’re unlikely to start a new role in less that 3 months. It’s always easier in a job you hate when you can think of it as temporary and once you get a new job working your notice can be a breeze.

I had a job for less than 6 months but that’s because the I applied for the new job at much the same time, it just took them much longer to recruit and the new job was better. No shame in that.

If you're senior, you can just say that you took a project / interim job (and it would be true, from your perspective). Most of my contracts are for 3-6 months, no one bats an eyelid.