DH says I’ll be unemployable if I quit.. AIBU?

[NCdaysl]

I’m entering my third month of a new job and hate it. From day one the workload was completely unmanageable (it’s a ‘dual role’ but turns out it’s really a job for 2 people) and the organisational culture has turned out to be miles apart from what was described (very old school, not open to new suggestions or ways of working. I’m also one of only two women in the entire company which is isolating). I have very little support, which is expected to some degree as I’m at a senior level, but there was no easing in to the role at all. From day one, I’ve been working until 11pm most nights and the weekend. This is a huge shift from all of my previous roles (same specialism) where I’ve had a good work life balance and for the extra £10k I got for coming here, I just don’t feel it’s worth it.

I find myself in tears most days and have reached the stage where I just know I don’t want to be here and would like to start applying for new jobs. DH is insistent that I must stick it out, as trying to leave a role prior to the 6 month mark is a big no no and would be ‘career sabotage’ according to him. I’ve never been in this position before, my shortest stint ever has been 2.5 years, so I really have no idea how recruiters would perceive an application from someone who’d only been in their current role for such a short time.
Would be really grateful to hear others views and experiences on this. Thank you

Thats not the experience I'm having. I do have a masters degree but the positions I've got don't need that level of education.

I left a nursing degree early because of a life changing family illness, got a FT job working for local council, left after 2 months as it was awful, got a job in Higher Education and was put mid point on salary scale, I've been there since March. My youngest son is being assessed for ASD and ASC can no longer have him as they cannot meet his needs...back to drawing board...I've just got a new post in another HE for a more senior PT post and they have agreed to put me at the top of the scale.

It's an employee's market, just leave, you'll be fine.

I have a similar job - luckily once I've done my six month secondments I'm off back to my proper job. They've asked me to stay but I am sick of working late every night and weekends plus constant stress. I'd be absolutely desperate if I was here permanently.

Nobody will bat an eyelid, provided you don't do regularly and you've got an explanation. If it is really bringing you down abd you can afford it I'd quit so you can have time to look for other roles. I stayed in a job I hated and almost had a breakdown. Don't do that

They look for job hopping patterns. If most of your jobs have been +1 year its fine. You should start actively looking.

This is a cultural fit issue which you cannot change and is unlikely to improve.

What's your notice period? 12 weeks? Look you can easily fob this job off as a short term consultancy / freelance work. Recruiters / employers will not give a 2nd thought to this.

My DH was in a similar situation just bad cultural fit at a major American organisation. He was there for about 5 months - he now talks about it as interim freelancing.

What sector are you in?

If youre only doing it once i dont see a problem althugh my dsis job hops all the time theyre so desprate they dont even care why

It's not career detrimental unless it's a pattern.

Some jobs just don't work out. Be prepared to explain it, and you'll be fine. And be prepared to explain why the next role you apply for is a better fit for you than the last one. That's an extra question you should know the answer to at interview.

It will raise a question mark given the probation period for a senior role is generally 6 months, so leaving before then suggests you were pushed out for being incompetent.

However, if it's a one-off, you can explain it away. You'll need to really do your due diligence with the next job to avoid a repeat...

I'm in a similar position at the moment. Moved sideways late last year and am now in a job I thought I'd enjoy but actually hate. Opposite problem to you in respect of workload though, this is so boring it's unreal. I am actively looking to leave and have a couple of interviews/meetings lined up. I don't think one short position is a major concern as long as you can explain it. It certainly shouldn't prevent you getting to interview stage and that's your chance to give your reasons.

I’ve got one 6 month stint on my cv and didn’t do me any harm (also senior level). It’s only a problem if it’s a pattern. It’s is easier to get a job if you’ve got one though so start looking now

I’d get applying now. Realistically you’ll be there a few months anyway. I’d be honest and say it transpired role wasn’t as advertised and the company wasn’t a good fit for you. Your cv sounds fine. If every job was under 6m you look flighty but one doesn’t.

Another way to sell is you took job as it was dual role but you quickly realised that only x is your passion. You gained new experience and skills but know a role doing just x is the one for you.

I had one vile job that lasted about 3 months. In itself with a previously good history I wouldn't worry. But i would hang on until I had a replacement.

It’s easier to not mention a three week job than a 6 month one so if you can jump ship sooner that’s better.

From the perspective tube of a business owner employees are net liabilities for the first few months before they hit their stride and bring more in than the cost of training. So you can raise less eyebrows for jumping ship sooner than sticking out 6 months.

ideally job hunt before you leave, BUT if the job is triggering a mh issue or making you depressed, you might need to leave for your well-being.

Is your dh being brilliantly supportive otherwise?

I quid a job after 3 months, I deliberately did this so I only had to give 1 weeks notice as it was during my probation period. I had no job to go to but the job was so bad, I too was working till 11 pm at night and used to cry most days.

Your husband is talking rubbish I secured another job within weeks of resigning and I've been working for the same company now for three years, I was offered several jobs and it didn't impact my ability to work at all.

When I was interviewed for new jobs and asked why I'd left after she had such a short period of time, I was open and honest and explained that the job role wasn't as expected and I didn't like the companies culture I didn't hold me back at all.

If I was going to explain why I was leaving so soon, I would say to a recruiter that the organisation does not suit as it is a bit old-fashioned and you prefer a more dynamic work environment. I would not talk about work-life balance though even though that is true.

I stuck out a similar predicament for 7 long miserable years because DH also worked there and didn’t want anything I did to affect his position. (We weren’t married at the time.)

It was also a senior role where I had to develop and implement new systems but the male dinosaurs that worked there weren’t onboard at all and I suffered a huge amount of direct bullying throughout that time and was completely unsupported by my 2 bosses (who both left due to stress not long after I did!)

One of the biggest regrets in my life was not listening to my instincts and leaving early to find another job. I was actually very good at what I did so I’m sure I could have found something else fairly easily. Sadly, I’ve not worked in paid employment since then as I had children and have used them as an excuse not to re-enter the workforce.

I gave a job last year to someone who was leaving her previous job after less than three months. She explained that the company culture wasn't right for her and that the role was very different to what was advertised, and that this wasn't going to change. I thought she had made absolutely the right and most rational decision and was more than happy to offer her a role in my team. She's great at her job, fits in really well and is happy working here.

I would probably avoid talking about lots of workload stuff if you're interviewed, but absolutely fine to outline the other reasons you're not happy where you are and why you think it would be better to leave and take new opportunities early on rather than slogging it out for the sake of it.

I quit a terrible job and just explained the gap as me caring for a dying relative who has now died. It was partially true as I did end up doing this, but it is not why I quit.

I employ people and I would not have any issues with that. If all your jobs were 3-6 months and not internships/consulting then that might raise questions.

Speak to a recruiter who is a specialist in your sector and see what they think. There is usually a "spin" you can put on jobs that haven't worked out.

Usually you can say "I joined X company on the basis that the role would be [job description] however, upon joining, I found that the job was actually [explain how job was not as expected]. As I was mis-sold the job, I am now exploring other opportunities."

I don't think having a short job on your cv is "career suicide" - very OTT opinion there (although might come from a good place in that your OH is worried for you / finances).

Also people change jobs significantly more frequently post pandemic. And the job market is generally very strong (appreciate not applicable to all jobs).

I'd explain to your OH that it's your decision what to do, you appreciate his concerns but you'd like some support and positivity.

Also, do you have decent savings?

I left my job last year and started a new position - like you I hated it, I realised pretty much within the first month it was not for me. I got another job and moved after 3 mths. It didn't make me unemployable, in fact I raised my salary by about 30% during that change. I just explained to new employers the reasons why it was not for me. Sometimes, things don't work out and there is no shame in that. I personally think it's worse sticking with something you dislike and making you unhappy.

It's 2022 not 1952.

Is there a reason (other than owning a penis) that your husband knows better than you, who has worked in multiple senior positions in the same industry?

Ive frequently interview people with one short stint - they’ve always explained it reasonably, most often because they were misled. The impression those people give it that they do not take crap and are not scared of change. Both positive things.

If you have personal savings then just quit. If you don’t then start looking straight away for something else to go to. The short stint in a workplace isn’t a problem, but it’s not fair to put the entire financial burden of supporting the household on him out of choice.