DH says I’ll be unemployable if I quit.. AIBU?

[NCdaysl]

I’m entering my third month of a new job and hate it. From day one the workload was completely unmanageable (it’s a ‘dual role’ but turns out it’s really a job for 2 people) and the organisational culture has turned out to be miles apart from what was described (very old school, not open to new suggestions or ways of working. I’m also one of only two women in the entire company which is isolating). I have very little support, which is expected to some degree as I’m at a senior level, but there was no easing in to the role at all. From day one, I’ve been working until 11pm most nights and the weekend. This is a huge shift from all of my previous roles (same specialism) where I’ve had a good work life balance and for the extra £10k I got for coming here, I just don’t feel it’s worth it.

I find myself in tears most days and have reached the stage where I just know I don’t want to be here and would like to start applying for new jobs. DH is insistent that I must stick it out, as trying to leave a role prior to the 6 month mark is a big no no and would be ‘career sabotage’ according to him. I’ve never been in this position before, my shortest stint ever has been 2.5 years, so I really have no idea how recruiters would perceive an application from someone who’d only been in their current role for such a short time.
Would be really grateful to hear others views and experiences on this. Thank you

Oh and also in my company we are very keen to find people who are culturally a good fit. And some people are not, even if they otherwise have the skills. Same vice versa - if a candidate said that they realised during their probation period this was not a good long term fit for them, no problems.

Quit. You'll get another job.

I took on a job that, within 2 weeks, realised it definitely wasn't for me. I handed in my notice after a month, and put the gap on my CV as 'family illness.'

To add to the above you also need to address WHY you are working so much? Is this a matter of life & death ie people will die if you aren't there at 11pm.

If not then you need to use your seniority and newness in the role to get what you want/need. No one can force you to work until 11pm unless you let them.

Spend some time thinking up statements and questions which can help you. For example "I can't do X today/ this week because I'm already committed to Y until..."

When discussing upcoming work you can say "I don't have capacity to deliver this myself, we can look at bringing in an intern/new role or it will have to wait X months".

If it's a more senior person making demands then you can ask them outright "Which would you prefer me to focus on?"

For a dual role you could also clearly mark in your calendar specific days for specific role. Eg Mon & Tues for accounts, Weds-Fri for HR. Make it explicit in your calendar and maybe even your email signature.

Basically you need to own your own time. And if you're leaving anyway then it doesn't matter if they don't like it!!

When I've recruited people (normally middle aged men in sales roles) I tend to see a lot of 'consultancies' which if you read between the lines are companies set up to mask a gap in employment. There's always that option!

If your CV is otherwise decent it will reflect on the company, not you.

Get looking.

That doesn't work anymore. Most companies run reference checks these days and it also highlights evidence of working for other organisations in the process. Your CV is basically now treated like a credit check.

You won’t be unemployable at all. I left a job after 4 months once, it was unbearable and my new job were actually impressed that I hadn’t just put up with it.
It shows you know what you want out of your career and aren’t complacent and put up with it.
I wouldn’t quit though, I’d shift your focus to finding a new job and hopefully you find something quickly. Good luck

If the company is this demanding and unsupportive and male dominated - you could find yourself getting a bad assessment if you stay which could lead to doubtful references. You are already feeling stressed so how do you think you are going to cope if this goes on for longer? Start applying for new job op - for your health sake if not just for your career nothing is worth that much stress.
Can I suggest for the future that you look up the company you next apply for on Glassdoor (if you don't do this already!) & see what people who work there say about the company?

My DH has been in this position. Absolutely start job hunting. The question 'why are you looking for a new role?' will come up, and 'my current role didn't meet my expectation based on the job spec and interviews' is a perfectly fine answer, as is 'the working culture and environment aren't a good fit for me'. With both of these answers there is scope to talk positively about some of the values you mention in your OP, so very much not negative.

While it's generally better to move directly from one job to another, there are definite benefits to resigning first, if you have good reasons to (again, DH did - twice). It makes job hunting and interviews infinitely easier. DH found gainful employment twice from your situation. If you have the financial cushion to manage it, then definitely do it.

YANBU @NCdaysl quit now while you can (if you're financially able!)

On another note, are there really THAT MANY awful jobs and awful employers that make people work til 11pm? (so like 15-16 hour days???) Never heard anything like it. (Not saying I disbelieve obvs!) Sounds hideous. What are these jobs?

Disagree with your husband. Job search. Talk to your manager first. If your manager doesn't address it I'd hand in notice.

What does your DH do for a living? Is he in recruitment? Does he work in your sector?

He sounds like my dad (who is 76)

This is the best advice on this thread. Be honest rather than fabricate a story (like some posters are advising). A good interviewer can tell the difference. I interview candidates frequently and if you're genuine about your reason for leaving, it won't hold you back. In fact it may even be a plus point where I work. We want people who are honest when presenting what may be a difficult message rather than covering it up with a bullshit story. We're not idiots. We can sense when something doesn't smell right. And that alone will stop you moving through to the next round when interviewing for a role with us.

As an aside, in some industries such as mine (Financial Services), background checks mean we will want evidence of what you were doing for any c.v. gap of 3 months or longer. Evidence can include HMRC confirming your employer(s) / company you paid tax through so if you omit a job or say you were freelancing when you weren't, it'll be quickly picked up and a job offer withdrawn. Obviously what we're really trying to confirm is that you weren't in prison for that 3 month gap etc and pretending you were travelling or caring for a relative when you weren't. Lying never goes well. Just be honest. A short stint on a c.v. is not a big deal these days and your reasons for leaving sound more than valid.

Absolutely do not talk to your manager about this unless you are certain s/he can definitely make your job role significantly better.

I doubt they can instigate cultural change. Practical help yes (you should ask for that anyway). Cultural change, highly unlikely

Don't tell your manager! Christ!

As above - in my experience you either need to leave fast (within 3 months) or stick it out. Leaving quickly seems to reflect badly on the employer, not the employee.

This. I recruit reasonably frequently and I'd assume a blip like that in a CV that otherwise tended towards lengthy times of service, I'd assume the employee decided the role wasn't a fit for them, and would ask about it.

I actually had someone leave today after 3 days citing that due to the hybrid working pattern the office wasn't busy enough for them as a people person. I'm taking that as a reflection on me also, that I wasn't clear enough about what to expect. So people recruiting often have far more insight than your Partner is crediting them with...

I hire people. I look at length of employment and it's a red flag if somebody only does short stints at each place, but ONE short stint and then a bunch of 2.5+ years? Not a problem at all.

A person would be very lucky to go through their whole career without joining at least one company that just isn't the right fit.

OP you need to leave for your mental and physical health. The hours you're doing and the stress you're under are going to make you ill.

Why is it a red flag? Not everyone wants to stay at one place forever, I liked moving around into different roles, it kept things interesting.

No job is worth killing yourself for, look for something else ASAP. At your level you probably have to give 8 weeks notice, so it won't be far off 6 months anyway.

One short run is not going to be an issue, don't try and tough it out just because your husband tells you to. Get on the case and find something else asap. There is no point in staying and getting ground down and demotivated, that won't benefit anyone. Jump ship, definitely, and if questioned just stay close to the truth, it wasn't the cultural fit you were looking for. Good luck!

I left a job after about 4 months. When I interviewed for the job I left the short term job for I did talk about it in my interview (they actually didn’t ask). I said I didn’t want them to think I was flakey and that my previous job had been for ten years. If it’s not a good fit, it’s not a good fit. Your previous jobs will demonstrate it’s not you.

100% more employable when currently employed

He’s talking rubbish. You tried it, it doesn’t suit, you’re moving on.

so long as you don’t make a habit of it, it won’t matter. It’ll just be good fodder for answering Interview questions on making hard decisions, rectifying mistakes, etc.