DH says I’ll be unemployable if I quit.. AIBU?

[NCdaysl]

I’m entering my third month of a new job and hate it. From day one the workload was completely unmanageable (it’s a ‘dual role’ but turns out it’s really a job for 2 people) and the organisational culture has turned out to be miles apart from what was described (very old school, not open to new suggestions or ways of working. I’m also one of only two women in the entire company which is isolating). I have very little support, which is expected to some degree as I’m at a senior level, but there was no easing in to the role at all. From day one, I’ve been working until 11pm most nights and the weekend. This is a huge shift from all of my previous roles (same specialism) where I’ve had a good work life balance and for the extra £10k I got for coming here, I just don’t feel it’s worth it.

I find myself in tears most days and have reached the stage where I just know I don’t want to be here and would like to start applying for new jobs. DH is insistent that I must stick it out, as trying to leave a role prior to the 6 month mark is a big no no and would be ‘career sabotage’ according to him. I’ve never been in this position before, my shortest stint ever has been 2.5 years, so I really have no idea how recruiters would perceive an application from someone who’d only been in their current role for such a short time.
Would be really grateful to hear others views and experiences on this. Thank you

I've been in that position @NCdaysl , and I left. I got another job within weeks, and the pay was better and I loved it.

No job is worth making yourself ill over.

Presumably he’s meaning how it will look on your CV. It’s easy to frame it as a positive move on your part - it became very clear that the job and culture was not as it had been portrayed during the recruitment process and you felt the longer you stayed the more of an impact it would have on you and your career, so you gave your notice, worked your notice and moved on. Sets you up as someone who is thinking long term, can make strategic decisions and is professional.

I agree with PP who said you do more damage by staying somewhere bad too long.

Your dh is wrong. I have a friend who flips regularly as she becomes more experienced and more qualified. Each flip is a step up, either in pay or in the right direction. As long as you can explain in an interview then its fine. Lots of people do this, but its oddly more unusual with women, so perhaps your dh thinks as a woman you should be accepting of crap circumstances?

Agree with previous posters - cut your losses and be upfront with prospective new employers. I was in a similar situation - when I went job hunting I was honest about the job not being a good fit for me (diplomatic 😀 the place was a basket case, but I didn't say that obviously) , and they didn't have an issue. As long as you have a good track record, anyone should understand that you can have the occasional blip.

Also frame it as how it's made you focus more on what you DO want from your next role. Good luck!

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps Okay. Medical staff, commercial lawyers, finance to name but three. Corporate jobs where you are dealing with Hong Kong at 6am and the USA at the end of your day. Some are very highly compensated financially but everyone risks burn out. Freelance anything often means you take on too much (with no sick or holiday pay) because you're afraid nothing else will come up - but the hours at least are under your control.

Plenty of answers on here but I wanted to add I left a job I hated after 3 months. Well, I stayed until I found a new one. I was reasonably honest in my interview I just said it was a bad fit. It was! I stayed with my new firm for 4 years.

Oh god no, apply for new jobs and get out asap. Put it this way, it's in your current employer's interests to have someone who is happy (ISH!) in the role and going to stay for the long haul, and while you're still there that ain't going to be the case.
Find a better thing for you, use the "not a good fit" line of diplomacy (don't burn the bridges if you don't have to) and move on!

Surely the job if it needs you to work till 11pm every night is not worth it.

dd works 14 hour days sometimes but she is always paid per hour. You are presumably getting a fixed sum and by the time you work out how much you come out with divided by the hours worked it must be really poorly paid

get another job and leave.

Thank you so much everyone for such encouraging responses, it’s a breath of fresh air reading these. This was exactly what I needed to hear today!

I work in financial services so it wouldn’t be possible to hide my current employment from any prospective employer. I’m also have a large network on LinkedIn where my new role is already on my profile. In any event I feel much more comfortable being honest and some of you have given me some great tips as to how I can diplomatically explain my reasons for seeking a new role when asked.

The plan is to stay in my current role for now, whilst I begin applying for new roles.

Every time a new employee starts, the employer has to spend time and money on recruitment and training. So when the employer is recruiting you, they’re hoping they won’t have to do it all again in a few months for your replacement.

New employees are often less efficient, so employers would rather you stay longer and get better at the job, instead of leaving them to start again with a new replacement.

It’s not a bad sign about you as a person - or even as an employee more generally- but it may be annoying for the company.

Because I don't want to pour time and effort into training someone that'll leave within a year.

You're a senior role there. You didn't say what you do.

Are there any junior or other underlings you can delegate some of the work to as a learning experience?
I'd do that first.

Then start looking for something else and ask for a lot more money. A lot more.

The thing is if you are crying because of work, you’re on a downward spiral…your motivation drains away, it takes you longer and longer to do stuff which means staying every night and working every weekend, which means you become even more tired and burnt out.

If you leave it too long to look for another job you become so desperate to leave that this comes across to interviewers which in turn makes it harder to find a suitable new job.

Who is your boss? Why haven't you spoken to your boss about it, before you do anything else. I'm sorry but you shouldn't need to be told that, it is incredibly basic.

It can depend on the industry. In tech 6 to 12 month stints aren't uncommon, and anyone staying longer than 3 years looks stale and unadventurous. In banking or something, it can still be seen as a negative. But honestly I think it's changing in most industries. You just ditch the shit job for a new one and say it wasn't quite was you were led to believe and you wanted something more... Whatever. Positive noises.

If you can afford to, and you're still in your probation period, resign now before you have a long notice period.
Think about a positive way to frame why you moved on at your next interview, and you'll be fine. It's tons easier to feel positive once you're out of the situation; trying to perform well at interviews when you're being dragged down in the midst of the shit is really hard - and you'll have time to properly look for a new role.

Also consider temping/interim work as your next move - good lesson in how to not feel dependent on staying in a role.

Good luck