To resign now

[Rosebel]

Started a new job yesterday with high hopes but tbh I don't think it will last long as they have barely any work.
That's not the reason why I want to resign.
I leave the house at 7:15 and get home at 6:15 so I don't see a lot of my son but both nights he's rejected me. Refuses to cuddle me. He was never like this with his dad.
I love him and the fact he hates me now has made me decide that I should resign. My husband doesn't want me to though and I can't deny that the money is good and I enjoy the job but not as much as I love my son
YABU keep the job
YANBU give up work and look after your son

It's only 2 days. You both need to adjust. He will settle into a routine soon. Besides if your dh isn't on board, then you don't really have a choice.

You only started yesterday, give it time.

He doesn’t hate you
just be over fussy with him when you get home
loads of people have to do this it’s just the way life is. It’s been one day

Your son will adjust. If you still feel like this at the end of your probation consider it then.

Give it some time.

Leaving at 7.15am and home at 6.15pm isn't particularly late.

Presumably you took the role for logical reasons: money or mental stimulation or career progression etc. Those reasons are still there, so give it time for him to settle and reassess.

Children usually play up when there is change. It doesn't signify a huge issue

Both DC were a bit miffed every time I changed the daily routine - it never lasted long. I know it's hard at first, but I really wouldn't do anything rash right now. Give it a few weeks and see how you feel then.

That’s a bit drastic, it’s been two days, Surely you can both adjust how old is the child?

What on earth are you like, announcing that a small child “hates you” after two evenings of not being cuddled? For goodness’ sake.

It’s highly inappropriate of you to over-dramatise his behaviour like that, and to frame major decisions you might make about your life as consequences of his totally normal, small-child behaviour.

Seriously — get a grip.

It may be normal but it's still really hard on a mother who feels guilty for leaving her child. I was never in any doubt that I'd go back to work (and did so when DS was less than 6 months old) but I still had moments where I felt like handing in my notice.

Have you been rejected by your child? Do you actually know how fucking horrendous it feels. Don't care how dramatic it sounds or if you think I need to get a grip but that's how it feels.
When you've spent several hours away from your baby and all your really want is a cuddle which is denied then come back and tell me how you feel. If you've already been through it you should have some empathy.

It’s only been two days. Give your child, and yourself, time to adjust.

YABU
My children are very dramatic about the fact I have to work 3 days a week. They'd have a real problem if they had no shoes on their feet or food in their bellies. Going to work is a perfectly normal thing to do and it's good for kids to see you having a purpose outside being their mum.

It won't feel very comfortable for you at first but do you really want to give your child that much power over you ?

If you continue cheerfully, as PP said, fuss over the child a bit on your return and tell them how much you missed them, they will soon come round to looking forward to seeing you again.

They will also value the time you are with them much more than if you are just always there.

FFS 🙄

I understand your upset. However it's 2 days and an entirely normal reaction to a routine change.

If you're husband isn't on board with being the only income earner I'm not sure that quitting is an option surely? (You also need to be building your pension and employment skills, unless you're lucky enough to be rich enough not to work then you need to re-enter the workplace at some point..)

It's been two days!!

No, I haven’t been “rejected by my child” and by the sound of it, neither have you. Your child is reacting in a totally normal way and you’re overstating it massively.

You’re putting way too much responsibility for your very extreme feelings (I mean really — it’s “fucking horrendous” not to get a cuddle?) onto the shoulders of a tiny little boy. Do you not see how wrong that is? It’s not at all proportionate to the situation.

Saying he “hates you”, is rejecting you and making you feel fucking horrendous is over-the-top, toxic language. Absolutely no effort to see the situation in a child-centred way.

Even when you really want a cuddle, your child doesn’t always have to give you one. And if the child is still processing a somewhat confusing change in his daily routine, he might not want to.

Sounds like you have a classic case of mum guilt.

Children can go through phases of favouring one parent more for no real reason. There's no guarantee if you jack in the job that your child will go back to favouring you immediately, and that he won't at some point prefer your husband more again (temporarily) even if you spend every minute of the day with him. Children aren't always predictable creatures.

I know you're in pain right now, but your child is being looked after and your child is loved. If your child wasn't so secure that you'd forgive him, he wouldn't be able to test boundaries in this way.

You're not a bad mum for going to work. And it's only been two days. Stick with it a bit longer before making any big decisions.

Have you ever gone 48 hours with your child refusing to come near you? You have obviously decided I'm just a shit parent and I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you!
I'm obviously feeling crap about leaving him, I didn't come on here to be had a go at.

It's been two days. You need to give yourself a shake.

Resigning after two days because you feel uncomfortable about a minor adjustment period is ridiculous. Every change requires adjustment and discomfort.

Give it time and stop catastrophising. To describe not receiving a cuddle as "fucking horrendous" is silly and unhelpful.

Learn to sit with your discomfort. Or will you let your son quit school if he doesn't enjoy the first two days?

You’re being over dramatic. He will adjust. You certainly need to give it longer than 2 days.

You did however ask for opinions which you apparently don't actually want.
It's 48 hours, he will adjust.

Op you really need to stop making this about you. Your little boy has had a significant change in routine.

Your response is mental. Rejected? Just because he wouldn't soothe your emotional void? He's a child ffs. Your emotional flux is not his responsibility to fix. Your reaction is really toxic. It doesn't bode well that you can't even see how unhealthy your emotional distress/disproportionate response and the expectations that he fixes your state are. Really, really damaging.

It's telling that you choose to lash out at posters who are simply pointing out how unhealthy and abnormal your viewpoint is.

You're not leaving him though, that's the point. You're going to work for a few hours and then you're coming home again.

You haven't moved to another country never to return. You haven't died. You've just changed your routine slightly.

Is this really the most discomfort you've ever experienced? You need to frame it differently instead of beating yourself round the head saying he's "rejecting" you - you're the one having a go at yourself, framing it as "rejection" and "horrendous" and declaring you shall sabotage yourself as punishment. That's unnecessary and unhelpful.

Stop and breathe and put it back in perspective.

I have no doubt your child will end up in therapy if you carry on with these over dramatics. Absolutely toxic behaviour on you part.