To resign now

[Rosebel]

Started a new job yesterday with high hopes but tbh I don't think it will last long as they have barely any work.
That's not the reason why I want to resign.
I leave the house at 7:15 and get home at 6:15 so I don't see a lot of my son but both nights he's rejected me. Refuses to cuddle me. He was never like this with his dad.
I love him and the fact he hates me now has made me decide that I should resign. My husband doesn't want me to though and I can't deny that the money is good and I enjoy the job but not as much as I love my son
YABU keep the job
YANBU give up work and look after your son

Honestly? After my first baby was born once mat leave was over I went back part time. It was great, then eventually when I was pregnant with my second my work kindly offered for me to go full time for the few months between then and mat leave so I would receive full pay.

I hated it and DD hated it, it was too much and I missed the vast majority of her waking day. I slogged through as I knew it was temporary and ended up taking mat leave as early as possible.

Since then I have had the baby I was pregnant with while working FT and then another, have taken long stretches of mat leave and worked part time; it was much more manageable and enjoyable. It's only now that I'll be starting a full time position and that's only because it's WFH and flexible so I can do a fair few school runs.

Kids are only so small and needy for a short while so if possible I would find a middle ground and say the hours are not working for you, can you reduce them. It's better than straight up quitting as you do want to focus on your career too.

Good luck, there's no right or wrong here, it's really what suits you and your family best.

second this

OP, how old is your child? Are you sure you are not going through PND? Your separation anxiety seems to be worse than your child's. You being like this will make it worse for him as by now you should know that kids pick up on our feelings. Give it some time and as hard it may be, try to be positive.

Sorry you're having such a hard time on here OP.

I totally understand how you're feeling, I started working again and my daughter only wanted Daddy who had been at home with her whilst I was at work, she wasn't wanting hugs or coming to me when upset like usual and it made me want to stay at home but she adjusted eventually

@Rosebel

I didn't come on here to be had a go at.

What makes you so special?
It's Mumsnet. What did you think would happen?

Loads of us have been through it, it is hard, it gets easier, you and your child get used to it, if they are at nursery it can be a great time for socialising and you do fun stuff on the weekend.

You sound like you feel guilty for working those days. It may not be ideal but your son will adjust to the idea, could you have a special mummy & son day during the week as a treat fir him?

you know one day they wil prob say those words to you

anyway you sound very dramatic hes'll get used to it and wont even remember that you come in later it will be normal to him

The other earner absolutely needs to be on board with a parent staying at home too or it will breed resentment. It is a huge responsibility to be the sole earner in a family. Jobs are no longer for life making things more fragile.

Your son's world has been turned upside down, what he needs is the calm consistency of his mum, showing him that whatever happens in his little world, you're there. You go to work and you return. He's not rejected for not being able to make sense of his feelings, but you're by his side, gently encouraging him, with or without a cuddle. He feels safe to have these feelings even though you might be hurt by them, but he's free to express them without rejection or judgement. You're calm and consistent, always there, never able to be pushed away. He'll adjust and that first cuddle will be amazing.

It’s pretty standard working hours tbf. Kids adjust . It’s life . People have to work .

If he learns he gets his own way by withdrawing affection, that will be his default every time he wants something. Make sure you don’t let him see how upset you are, or you’ll create a rod for your own back.

Yes I have.

My child has gone through stages of 'only loving daddy'and being distraught where it was me putting her to bed etc.

Its a phase, it's normal, and as hard as it is, just let it wash over you, and don't go completely OTT, and write your job 2 days in.

You are being completely over the top.

What's the job? Lead at the RSC?

Am I the only one here really hoping your user name might be BorisnCarrie?

If your son is at all dramatic don't think it'd take much to work out who he gets it from

Sheer utter nastiness on this thread is uncalled for. Disgusting replies.

When you've spent several hours away from your baby and all your really want is a cuddle which is denied then come back and tell me how you feel. If you've already been through it you should have some empathy

What about your empathy for your child? All of this is incredibly dramatic, and all about you.

I've also hated going back, and like others have found that both the baby and I can adjust. I also think it's totally reasonable to look for something with better hours, if you've given this a reasonable shot, or even quit totally if that's a family decision.

But you need to stop making the baby responsible for your emotional state like this, it's really unhealthy. We're not writing this as perfect parents, just saying there are some basic expectations and this is one of them.

You have just blamed a small child for how you feel. It is all about you being denied a cuddle that you want. What about some empathy about how your child feels, not your reaction to it.

It’s great that you have older children; hopefully this will help you gain perspective, and get them on board as allies. 6.45pm can they be cheer leaders that mummy will be home soon, encourage him to make a card or prepare his ‘news’ for you; make you a cuppa so you can spend one on one time with him, etc. We’ve all been through rejection phases; they are temporary. See the bigger picture here. Change your mindset. Don’t quit, whatever you do, after two days.

Your child doesn't hate you, and will be back to full cuddle mode soon.

Maybe once you're settled in you could talk to your employers about doing shorter hours as there's not much to do, possibly combined with a shorter lunch hour so you could go back home earlier?

DS used to blank us if we'd been away without his authorisation. Would literally look the other way and ignore and could keep it up for days.
A decade later, and despite regularly runining his life, he still loves us and likes cuddles and kisses.

It's a phase, it passes. Giving up after two days would be ridiculous.

Yabu 🙄🙄 give me strength.

Same.
I'm not 'allowed' to go away without him. He hated it last time I went away with a friend although when I checked how he was doing when I was there he hadn't even asked for me 🙄

Even my dog ignores us if we’ve been away. 😀

Don’t quit but don’t plan on staying there too long either. 11 hour days are no good long term and your son will probably adjust soon enough, but even so spending time with him in general is more important than some shit job.