Requests for childcare

[Getintoyou]

I'm working a really, really badly paid job that I hate. I hate it so much that I will probably leave soon. The money is dire, and as a result we struggle and go without. I do the role as it is term time only and for years it has suited us as a family.

So now we are approaching the summer holidays (you can probably guess where this is going) I've had a couple of requests from other school mums for childcare as they are struggling for annual leave. They are not friends. Its more of an assumption that I'll be at home so problem solved.

I say requests, but at this stage it's more that they are putting the feelers out and I know what's coming. I will say no, but it's really fucking stressed me out. AIBU to think this is really cheeky? And can you give me some good comebacks please?

How about....

NO

I think just a simple "sorry, im not able to help" will do.

Ah, no sorry. Funnily enough a few people have asked me but we have plans for the summer.

Or check out the legality of charging them?

As a teacher, I have always had people ask me. It doesn’t stress me out at all though-I just don’t ever offer when they drop hints/say no if they ask.

Just out your hard hat on and say no.

Don't make excuses. Just say you're not available.

The thing is they asked me my plans and I said none as I thought they wanted to make plans to go out together. Poor naive me!

Well you're going to have to say that's why you thought they were asking. With a sadface. Make them feel like crap. I would.

‘Well one of my plans is to have a jolly good rest. Happy to meet you in the park for a picnic?’

Direct or persistent CFs:

’Its a hard no I’m afraid. It’s entirely possible I’ll be a risk to the public after being home with the DC all day, can’t add to that risk haha.’

I’m a SAHM. I do favours for working friends but usually those are children I’d be having for play dates for my children anyway, no skin off my nose to feed the kid a sandwich and have them a bit longer. It usually gets reciprocated at some point - maybe not exactly like for like, but they’ve done pick ups for me, brought me shopping during covid etc so it evens out.

If it’s not a good friend (and it’s not a child my child wants over for a playdate anyway) I just ignore the feelers. If I’m directly asked and I don’t want to do it I just say I’m afraid I can’t help but hope they find someone. No one’s ever had the cheek to ask why I “can’t”. I don’t really mind the asking, so long as they take the hint and accept “no”!

You just say "No, we have plans."

Do you really need a comeback?

Can't you just say "no" ?

So one school mum has asked you what your plans are, you’ve said ‘nothing’, then what? They’ve asked if you can do childcare for them? Just say no.

Surely this hasn’t happened more than once-or are you saying multiple people have asked you what you’re doing over the summer and you’ve said ‘nothing’ every time to all of them, and then they’ve all asked for childcare?!

I’ve worked ft since my children was 1 - I have a couple of SAHP friends, two teachers & a few TA’s. With two children I’ve never once asked them to look after my children - it feels like a military operation during the summer & like paying nursery fees again! But I’ve never expected them to step in and provide any care. Though the working parents friends do club together and help with drop offs/pick ups from clubs etc

Just say no :)

Bastards! Just tell them you will be making plans to have fun with your kids so won't be able to do any babysitting.

"How much are you paying?" With a "lighthearted chuckle" solves this.

"We're going to be very busy as a family since we get so little time together during school term. But if you'd like to meet up with DC a couple of times at the park, I'm sure we could fit that in".

Some mums have asked about plans because they want to meet up, then 2 others enquired about specific dates and I said no plans on those dates thinking they too wanted to meet up. Then it turns out they're struggling for childcare.

They're not even friends so don't even worry about upsetting them. Just tell them your plans have changed so can't help.

"We're going to be very busy as a family since we get so little time together during school term. But if you'd like to meet up with DC a couple of times at the park, I'm sure we could fit that in"

This is so true as my dc have to go to wraparound every day, whereas these mums work part time and go on about how they get to spend more time with theirs.

Their dc are hard work too and my dc are really placid and enjoy playing together.

I had a friend used to ask me her plans so she could get me to look after her dd but she always reciprocated. I'd just feel sad because I really wanted a friend to go to the park with. Its not much fun taking 3 dc one not your own to the park.

Just spell it out no but if you want to get together when you're not working let me know. If they persist say no I really need this holiday and I'm not looking to add more dc to the mix.

If they’re planning to pay you (ha!), they’re asking you to break the law.
If not, they’re expecting you to care all day for children you barely know, and feed them, for free.

Either way, you have your reason to refuse.

Are they expecting free childcare or are they offering to pay you?

“Oh gosh, sorry, I don’t offer childcare, I looked into it once but the insurance and loopholes were just too much”

You need to find your spine and refuse to allow these mums to inflict their children on you and your children for large chunks of your precious summer.

My DS likes playdates but he also enjoys the other children going home and having chilled time to himself in his own home. There is no way he would appreciate having 'demanding' children (however lovely) foisted on him for days on end.

I said no plans on those dates thinking they too wanted to meet up. Then it turns out they're struggling for childcare.

If you drive, you can say you want to go out and about and can't safely accommodate more children in the car.

Also when they ask what your plans are, it might be a good idea to say "Not sure. Why?" Then you can remember a prior engagement.