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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Requests for childcare

93 replies

Getintoyou · 05/07/2022 17:40

I'm working a really, really badly paid job that I hate. I hate it so much that I will probably leave soon. The money is dire, and as a result we struggle and go without. I do the role as it is term time only and for years it has suited us as a family.

So now we are approaching the summer holidays (you can probably guess where this is going) I've had a couple of requests from other school mums for childcare as they are struggling for annual leave. They are not friends. Its more of an assumption that I'll be at home so problem solved.

I say requests, but at this stage it's more that they are putting the feelers out and I know what's coming. I will say no, but it's really fucking stressed me out. AIBU to think this is really cheeky? And can you give me some good comebacks please?

OP posts:
KosherDill · 05/07/2022 21:00

RealBecca · 05/07/2022 18:10

"How much are you paying?" With a "lighthearted chuckle" solves this.

Haha, good one!

KosherDill · 05/07/2022 21:01

AnotherDelphinium · 05/07/2022 18:17

“Oh gosh, sorry, I don’t offer childcare, I looked into it once but the insurance and loopholes were just too much”

Excellent!

NotLongToGoooo · 05/07/2022 21:03

Getintoyou · 05/07/2022 17:48

The thing is they asked me my plans and I said none as I thought they wanted to make plans to go out together. Poor naive me!

Just because you don't have plans, doesn't mean you need to take care of their kids.

TolkiensFallow · 05/07/2022 21:17

The other option, if it’s just a couple of dates, is to do a few swaps?

”oh yes sure, there’s a couple of dates I’m struggling with too so we could take turns?”

…and then voila - some peace and quiet for you during the loooooong summer break? Sunbathing in the garden or a day out with a friend?

BMW6 · 05/07/2022 21:27

I like the Phoebe response

"Well I would, but I just don't want to"

sheepandcaravan · 05/07/2022 21:34

Typed a response then read op again.

Not friends, no.

That's it. Nothing more.

Or own it.

Shit I work hard enough in term time, full time, I'm on holiday, cheers

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 05/07/2022 21:42

My stock answer to this is "I work with children all week why on earth would I want them when I'm off?" People have stopped asking mostly now.

gavisconismyfriend · 05/07/2022 21:52

How about “as a family, we’ve chosen that I will work term time only so that we can have more family time during the holidays. It makes term time more challenging and is a financial hit we’ve had to budget carefully for. Therefore I’m sure you’ll understand that we’re very protective of this time with our children as we sacrifice a lot to be able to have it. For that reason we have a flat rule that we don’t provide childcare for others during the school holidays, so many people ask that if we accommodated them all then our family wouldn’t get any benefit from our choice”

iloveyankeecandle · 05/07/2022 22:03

I had similar when my child started school and it was the first six weeks holiday. I just said that a term time only job so I could spend the holidays with her and we would go out etc. so the answer was no!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/07/2022 22:42

I'd say that you're happy to swap some days. So you take their kids for a couple of days in summer and they take yours maybe on a couple of inset days if they can get annual leave and you're working (may be easier for them to get leave if not in the summer holidays) or they can pick them up after school every Monday for a half term or something (whatever equals up the hours you have theirs). If they bite your hand off and give you some dates they can help that they've already booked leave for then they were being genuine and it might be useful for you. If you get something vague back then they are CFs

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/07/2022 22:43

It's a bit late for them to be sorting out arrangements for the summer though with a couple of weeks to go to the hols.

Alternatively just say 'oh that's a shame you cant get time off, I hear x and holiday clubs are good'

HappyDays40 · 05/07/2022 22:52

You use the tactic my mum used to. "No I haven't got any plans but it would be lovely to organise a picnic or walk with the kids, what a lovely idea" or " of course I would be happy to help shall we split the holidays 50 50? I promise they’ll run a Mike.

mdinbc · 05/07/2022 22:52

I guess I mis-read part of this. You hate your current job and are thinking of quitting, but you need income.At the same time people are asking you about child minding.

Why don't you go ahead and quit your job and do child minding for the summer? Start looking for a new job in the middle of August? It would give you the summer at home, give you some income while you sort out your next move.

lastminutedotcom22 · 05/07/2022 22:54

How about
I'm very sorry but I'm not a registered childminder and therefore don't have public liability insurance to cover me
That should do it

NeedAHoliday2021 · 05/07/2022 23:39

It’s worth considering if you could have a reciprocal arrangement though - I looked after a TAs lovely/easy to care for dc one inset day and she had my dc in the holiday. However I’ve also had over friends take the piss when I worked in a school and I was too nice. Now I’m full time in a hospital and dd3’s friend’s mum always offers to help and is amazing but I feel awful it’s one sided. I have helped her but not as much as she does for me. I would however bend over backwards if she ever needed help so I guess that’s the difference.

nothingfound · 05/07/2022 23:44

It's not complicated. Oh, I thought you were planning some days out. No, I don't want to do any childcare thanks.

shiningstar2 · 06/07/2022 00:03

If you find it difficult to give a straight no I would be vague about your plans. Having worked in a school with other people's children all term I'm so looking forward to one to one time with my own DC.
Yes we do have plans. Dates not firmed up yet though. Will probably go away for a week or a fortnight. Then we're having friends come to us for a week. No ..I have no idea which weeks yet
Beauty of this approach is that they can't ask you for specific weeks and if things change and you don't do any of this well. Your plans changed/fell through. Not that anybody should have the brass neck later on to query you

Shinyandnew1 · 06/07/2022 07:46

nothingfound · 05/07/2022 23:44

It's not complicated. Oh, I thought you were planning some days out. No, I don't want to do any childcare thanks.

This is perfect.

Groovee · 06/07/2022 08:21

I used to get this and just say no. One time a friend confided in me that her father in law had just been diagnosed with cancer and I offered to do 2 days a week. The children all got on well and it was a great summer. But it was my choice to offer as I knew her mother in law had gone to
pieces a week before the holidays.

CulturePigeon · 06/07/2022 08:52

I feel for you! Some people are so cheeky.

Rather than say 'We have plans', I would suggest 'We haven't fixed what we'll be doing yet and I don't want to commit to anything which might affect our flexibility to do stuff over the holidays. (eg going away, seeing relations/friends)'

If anyone is so rude and crass as to persist, just repeat with a less friendly face - basically you don't want to be tied down to any commitments over the summer which aren't family and friends.

Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 08:56

I'd be tempted to say here are my rates (insert inflated amount per hour here) and say if she's happy with that you'll check your diary. If any of them do come back and agree to the pay which I doubt they will, just say ahh sorry I checked and I'm actually busy that day and repeat.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 06/07/2022 09:02

Just say no.

I don't get why people have kids if they can't be arsed paying for them. Lazy shitty parenting, if you can't afford the childcare, don't have the kids. Don't go looking around for free childcare from someone else because you don't want to cough up.

CulturePigeon · 06/07/2022 11:51

lastminute

How about
I'm very sorry but I'm not a registered childminder and therefore don't have public liability insurance to cover me
That should do it

I think this is perfect from lastminute because it puts the cheeky asker in their place by implying that they are not a friend and therefore not in the position to ask a favour. You disingenuously assume they are enquiring about professional childcare, which of course you are not qualified to provide.

Sorted!

Jmaho · 06/07/2022 11:59

Gosh people are cheeky! We have 4 children and both work and would never dream of asking a school mum for help. A very close friend has helped us on the odd occasion and we've done the same for her
Neither of our families want to do childcare so we do what I imagine most working parents do which is use holiday club, juggle annual leave and wing it on the odd day

londonlass71 · 06/07/2022 12:02

I don't understand why it's cheeky. As you said it's putting the feelers out. You yourself implied in the post you struggle financially anyway. If you don't want to do it then just say no.

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