Feeling sick at how much I’m spending on kids party

[Mum5432]

Can’t really talk to anyone in RL as they will think I’m really tight with money or stupid.

I’m having my first ever party for my son who is primary school age. I looked into lots of options like hiring a hall etc. but it was too much headache as I would have to source the food, entertainment etc. myself and I just don’t have time.

So I booked softplay as I don’t need to worry about anything they will provide everything. I worded the invite very carefully to explain the party will be for named child only and not siblings so that bit is sorted.

but I’m getting really worried about the spiralling costs as I didn’t factor in that my son and his younger siblings count in the list too so it’s £25 EACH just for birthday boy and his brothers and sisters! I’ve also had to invite cousins from both sides as we get invited every year. I’ve also let few close friends bring their younger children as they have no childcare so that’s another £25 for 4 siblings = £100!

I’m really worried as when I planned this with DH I budgeted 6-8 kids from school. Didn’t realise my kids would also have to pay. Plus I have to pay for the adult entry. How the hell do people afford this! The play centre is booked every weekend. There was a cancellation so I managed to grab a spot on DS actual birthday date. It’s ridiculous. Not sure what I’m looking for from this thread.

I have a 4 year old. I can’t fit her friends and one parent for each of them and her cousins in my living room. I’m not “doing it wrong”, she had a great party at a local gymnastics centre with about 25 kids and their parents

her friends don't need their parents there and how many friends does a 4 year old have? You also don't need to invite all cousins to a 4 yos birthday.

But we don’t have to engage in a kind of inverse snobbery where anything more than a biscuit in a garden for a maximum of 5 children suggests you think you’re the Beckhams

and there is no snobbery, it's more stupidity that people think it's appropriate to take 25-40 kids to a child's party when a 4 year old or in fact any child would not have that many friends and again no need for all cousins to come;it's a 4 year old's party ffs, not a 21st party.

3 and 4 year olds need a parent at a party. I’m not a childcare setting.

She’s got some friends she wanted there, I’ve got some friends I wanted there, I wanted family there because it’s a birthday party and having family there to celebrate your birthday is a normal thing to do in my world. That’s how we got up to 25 kids.

I can see your stressed, you said you have got a much bigger bill than you thought, but can i say this to help your mind.
You would have had people hanging around all day, now they just go home.
Food would have been about £100 by the time you feed everyone and there would have been the mess and they be eating treats for weeks,
All the little bits to decorate and as party bags can come to around £50 plus, and they trying to get the children to do games, is a nightmare,,
Something ALWAYS gets broken, this way your safe.
No dash to clean everywhere,
No children in your room or messing up the bathroom,
No washing up,

*3 and 4 year olds need a parent at a party. I’m not a childcare setting.

She’s got some friends she wanted there, I’ve got some friends I wanted there, I wanted family there because it’s a birthday party and having family there to celebrate your birthday is a normal thing to do in my world. That’s how we got up to 25 kids*

4 year olds don't if you took an appropriate amount but sorry 25 kids at a party is just bonkers no matter how you frame it.

I disagree with you because I don’t think 4 year olds should be left at parties without a parent whether there are 3 of them there or 30 (and my DD is autumn born so the majority of her friends were 3 at the time anyway).

25 kids at a party I could afford, which cost about a quarter of the amounts being discussed in the OP, and which we all enjoyed, especially after 2 years of no parties at all due to covid, is not “bonkers” but you do you. As she gets older I’m sure we’ll gravitate more towards the “small number of children at the cinema” type options you’ve deemed acceptable but for a 4 year old the party we held was great.

Most of the 4yo we know do need a parent unless they know the adults very well, even then they need extra attention going to toilet, getting a drink, opening a snack, when they've fallen off something etc etc. Taking two extra 4yo - fine. 6 for a party would really be pushing your luck. You might cope with them in the garden, but in a strange setting there would be issues.

thank you all got the advice. I phoned up the play centre and have managed to cut some costs!

its a lesson learnt definitely! Can I just ask some advice for next year please for a party we will do at home instead:

1. In terms of seating arrangements- where can I pick up chairs and tables cheaply? When we considered a home party it was impossible to find somewhere to hire tables n chairs, it came to ridiculous prices (even more than I’m paying now!)

We wouldn’t have enough chairs for all the kids to sit on plus we need chairs for adults that are hanging around. How do people work around this? Our home is quite small but garden is large so we could put chairs n tables up next year

Kids probably won’t really sit - maybe put some blankets on the grass for them to sit on. Have a buffet style food. Borrow some chairs from friends - camping chairs, garden chairs. Or buy some for your garden

Good news OP . How did you manage to cut the costs ?

Kids don’t need chairs. When we did parties in the garden for your age group it was a bouncy castle and the kids stood around the patio table to eat. Cocktail sausages, popcorn squash and a cake. They had a ball.

Parents shouldn’t be encouraged to stay either!!!

@rookiemere i got rid of the silly extras which I can do cheaply myself and let parents know I cannot accommodate siblings. I didn’t realise how much unnecessary extras were included in the £25, I’ve gone right down to the basic package now.

I’m glad I’m doing it as DS will have nice memories but lesson learnt. Next year will be a party at home! He’s a summer baby so weather hopefully will be perfect. just need to figure out seating arrangements for at home party.

For in future:

you don’t need chairs and to hire tables for a regular kids party at home. Just put a picnic blanket out on the grass.

Most kids will be happy with a pile of pizzas from the oven, and cake. So don’t worry about a whole ‘spread’

I never gave chairs a thought. My dc sat two to a chair with their cousins at big family meals until they were about nine.

Wow, DDs soft play party was £8 per head including food and adults free.

For next year.... picnic blanket for an indoor picnic (or outside if weather nice). You could turn it into a 'Teddy Bears Picnic' themed party if you want. All children bring a teddy. They don't need tables and chairs.
No parents get to stay. It's a drop off only party. No siblings of guests. No more than 11 guests. Why 11? Cupcake platters that Aldi/Lidl etc sell come with 12 cupcakes. 1 for the birthday child - 1 each for the guests.
Have a separate family (ie the cousins) party if the cousins really need to be invited to the main event. That doesn't really need to be a party though - just afternoon family tea and cake.

Sorry - if the cousins don't need to be invited to the main event I meant to say.

Ask people to bring their own camping chairs, or kids can sit on picnic rugs in the garden. It doesn't need to be formal if it's just a party at home.

Glad you managed to cut it down now OP. What extras did you cut and how much will it cost per head now?

Just borrow garden chairs from neighbours/friends or buy a load of fold up garden chairs.

Some church halls or scout halls will lend their large fold up tables.

Up to age 12 I put out picnic rugs though, no chairs for the children.
And if party is at your home next year then parents should drop and go. It's really not usual for parents to stay beyond age 5, particularly when the children are safely contained in a private home

Just to say, I also suffer from social anxiety so I know why you thought you had gone for the least stressful option Re next year, please don't rule out hiring a hall - which will have all the chairs and tables etc. One year I really couldnt face it so I hired a children's entertainer (think he was £90 for 2 hours) and explained my fears over hosting. He was amazing, totally took charge and I just hid in the corner . May something like that be an option for you?

Exactly.

At most a rug or blanket on ground.

Don't overthink it.

For DDs party, I borrowed kids tables and chairs from my local church. You could also ask a nursery? But tbh, for a summer party, I wouldn’t bother and just have picnic blankets instead. Once your child is in school, I think it’s ok to assume parents don’t have to stay at a party(?) so don’t need to sort seating for adults.

A bouncy castle and and village hall is nowhere near as expensive as this. I managed it on my own for my four year old with a one year old in tow. The only time consuming part was making umpteen sandwiches, only because I always over cater. Order the food online, even sandwich platters if you want. Less stressful than sorting about how much it will cost. Oh and no party bags, just a single book each from boxed set from the book people.