to feel that I am the aggrieved party here?

[Vacua]

have had the most ridiculous falling out with a friend, over a lit cigarette in my car. Please feel free to tell me to pull myself together.

She threw it out of the window but the wind blew it back in, it happened once before and burned my daughter's homework which I'd left on the back seat to take in to school. This time it narrowly missed the dog and burned the leather upholstery - am just on verge of trading car in for a new one. It needs to be reupholstered.

Now, all morals about allowing people to smoke in my car aside (no need to panic, no children in there), am I entitled to feel upset about this? Only I couldn't hide my displeasure and she got very upset with me: 'I am such a good friend to you, cannot believe you are making a fuss about this, I do everything I can for you' and so on and so on. So I squashed my cross feelings away for a day or two.

Then she called in a panic about having spilled some advocaat on someone's cushion cover, really worried about how to remove the stain. I thought, why the discrepancy between attitude to one friend's property and mine? It's much more expensive to reupholster a leather car seat than to replace a cushion cover from Ikea. I pointed this out and have had series of texts similar to above comments about 'why are you being so horrible to me about this? I am so hurt and upset' etc.

I just don't want to talk to her at all at the moment. Am I being ridiculously unreasonable?

it was a french flag, cover for a project - we had to make a new one, she wasn't in trouble but very upset about it. perhaps am well out of it all round?

Maybe you should talk to her about the implications of flag burning too

A needy and over-emotional "friend" who's careless with your property?

No thanks.

I'd be p* off too for all the reasons mentioned, but mostly by her attempts to de-value your feelings by playing the emotional blackmail game. You are entitled to be hacked off and do not buy into these texts by acknowledging them. If she asks again why you're being "so horrible" about it, tell her! And make sure you mention that you too are "hurt and upset" that she should appear more concerned about another friend's cushion cover than your car.

If she's supported by her parents, invoice them for the damage

Agnes

Has this friend done so much for you in the past as she claims? If yes then that might ameliorate your pissoffidness (I'd be steaming livid personally). If no, then I would ensure she pays you. Even if she has no money suggest she pays you £30 a month until it is covered. You might find that the friendship naturally cools (even if you never see the colour of her money)because she is suprised you have not been the push over she expected. She is clearly pretty careless and clumsy with other people's property - is this reflected with her treatment of others' emotions?

What flyingmum said.

Chances are you won't be able to forget her petulant response to this & if she doesn't pay you back, even over time, the freindship will suffer after this.

everyone is on MY side then

great!

A fag ash Lil and an Advocaat drinker? Are you sure you really want to stay friends with her?

JOKE

Seriously, she should have at least offered to help towards the cost of reupholstering of your car. If she truly cannot afford it, then she should have said something along of the lines of 'I know I should pay for it, but I can't' and apologised properly, not got pissed off with you. She sounds immature

heh

in her defence she was only drinking advocaat because staying with a cousin who always detoxes throughout january, so no alcohol in the flat at all. but she accused me of being anti-semitic because I don't like Tesco. but that might have been a joke?

Can you just ignore all 'woe is me' attitude & just keep re-iterating that you are hacked off because it was a dumbass thing to do & will cost £x to put right?

If she does pay for it, & apologise properly, fair enough. If she doesn't I'd lose patience & tell her to sod off tbh.

well I've just been ignoring her all day, have been too cross/too busy to enter into it - also wanted to see what general opinion on situation was

have been thinking about what her side of the story would be, probably something along the lines of 'cannot vacua is being such a bitch when I phone her every day to see how she is and when she damages her car she laughs it off and it's just a small mark anyway and she wants a new car so what does it matter?' or something along those lines.

maybe when have slept on it will see if I feel like explaining to her how the emotional manipulation and massively discrepant attitude to my property v other people's is what has annoyed me. she will only pay lipservice to it at best though.

Don't let anyone smoke in your car. For many reasons.

I smoked until recently but never in my car.

car has been serviced and valeted and got lovely new tyres today, so is now an official smoke-free zone (not that am 100% going ahead with sale anyway )

anyway dropped this from previous post

cannot believe vacua . . .