"He eats meat, but can't eat any processed meat."

[Flangelica]

If someone said this to you when you asked about dietary requirements for a child, would you think they were massively w*nky/snobby, or is it socially acceptable and fine?

I'd be a bit 🤨 if someone said this to me on a play date where I was cooking tea for quite a few DCs. I'd ask 'oh ok is he allergic to anything then?'

The reason being is that whilst we don't eat much processed meats, lots of other DCs can be fussy when you put foods that look different infront of them. For multiple children it's often easier to do pizza or sausages beans and mash, spaghetti bolognese or little yourself meal to cucumber raw carrots, meats laid out, French stick etc These tend to be staples that most (not all) DCs will eat across the board.

So I'd be unimpressed with a wankery request rather than a "he won't eat sausages or mince" explanation. As usually the former is about parents wishes not the child's. My DCs don't have processed chicken nuggets (make our own) but they will eat them at any oppprtunity at other's houses

Probably Johnny would be given his own pizza base and fresh chicken bits with cheese to make up his own pizza but what a faff unless I was getting everyone to make their own pizzas.

considering a UK move soon so wondering what's UK appropriate!

My opinion (obviously!) is this. If asked about dietary requirements:

Fine to say:

• Jimmy is allergic to x (and here’s the epipen/doctor’s number or whatever). Obviously important to say whether asked or not!


• Jimmy is vegetarian


• Not an allergy, but we steer clear of bacon and sausages as it tends to make little Jimmy’s asthma flare up


• Jimmy’s not very keen on bacon or sausages

….but “he eats meat, but not processed meat” is not. Because “processed” food has a negative connotation in this country; it implies (in some cases, wrongly - eg high quality charcuterie etc) cheap, low quality food. So what you’re actually saying is “don’t feed my child any of your cheap crap”. It’s like someone offering you a coffee and your saying “oh - I’ll have a coffee so long as it isn’t instant coffee”. It’s a loaded comment.

I’d just not give them processed meat 🙄 It’s not hard. People have nitrite/nitrate intolerances, for example. One of my DDs vomited when she had processed meat. No idea why but I’d have told any people she visited.

And no, it’s not a loaded comment or being snobby. I can’t eat tinned tomatoes but can tolerate fresh ones. If I told somebody that I’d be really pissed off if they thought I was being snobby.

Just check what the child can eat and make that. It’s not exactly hard to avoid processed meat.

It’s like someone offering you a coffee and your saying “oh - I’ll have a coffee so long as it isn’t instant coffee”. It’s a loaded comment.

Yes!!😂😂. This.

It would be no problem to me. And I would respect their wishes. I generally make beans on toast, cheese on toast or Margarita Pizza for play date friends anyway.

But I would be thinking 🤔 😬🙄

I grew up with mainly meat or fish dinners too, but the vast majority of the meat dinners I grew up with weren't processed meat.

I did know that, yes. But I was replying to a poster who said surely the norm to feed kids is a meat free dinner, they didn't say " a processed-meat free dinner".

I honestly wouldn't feel sure I'd know what they meant. If it's because of the nitrites, then it's possible to buy nitrite free bacon etc. If it's because of the links to cancer, then does that mean that a soup or stew with a tiny amount of pancetta or lardons would be unacceptable? Or does it mean air dried Iberico ham is fine but not supermarket own label? Or does it really mean 'I suspect you might try serving my child turkey twizzlers if I don't mention it'?

The more I think about it, the more I think the mum did the right thing.

Like PPs have said, the WHO have put processed meat in the same category as cigarettes and asbestos when it comes to how carginigenic they are. I wouldn't let my kid have a cigarette at a friend's house, nor would i let them go round to a house with asbestos. Even if it's for just one day! So I don't think it's at all unreasonable to not want a child to eat processed meat, even just for one day.

I think it's really sensible actually. Even if it's just one meal! Imagine if you didn't say anything in advance, and then the kids became good friends and playdates were a regular occurance. It could be really awkward to say something after a later paydate as would seem like a direct criticism? Like a reaction to the food that had been served rather than just a dietary preference.

As I said, it's not been an issue for me here as we can't get processed meat really. Well, maybe we could but it would be difficult to come by and we don't want it anyway. But when we return to the UK I think it might be wise to copy this mother, but maybe frame it as an intolerance based on the fact that some of the posters would be offended and I'm a coward 😂

(Also, I've seen mince mentioned a lot here - minced meat is not processed if it is literally just fresh meat that has been put in a mincer.)

Also, I've seen mince mentioned a lot here - minced meat is not processed if it is literally just fresh meat that has been put in a mincer.

And that's why you need to actually be specific about what your request is.

Processed meat is not a clearly defined term in the U.K.

If it's nitrates you mean then specify sausage/bacon products.

Okay, that's a good idea! Maybe could just list the specific food rather than saying 'processed meat' if this has negative or snobby connotations!

Maybe could just list the specific food rather than saying 'processed meat' if this has negative or snobby connotations!

Yes that's a lot better

I have had mums tell me not to give their DC " curry". ( There is actually no such thing as curry). Visiting DC have then asked for said meals with spices, but I have said no and given them boring pasta instead.

ike PPs have said, the WHO have put processed meat in the same category as cigarettes and asbestos when it comes to how carginigenic they are. I wouldn't let my kid have a cigarette at a friend's house, nor would i let them go round to a house with asbestos. Even if it's for just one day! So I don't think it's at all unreasonable to not want a child to eat processed meat, even just for one day

You didn't bother to read the links or posts about how the WHO do NOT say that processed meats are as carconogenic as cigarettes and asbestos and in fact says the exact opposite, that they are in no way comparable? Thats not at all what the classification means.

Do what you want, but don't use such poor reasoning for it.

I think it's really sensible actually. Even if it's just one meal!

I don't, I've seen the teenagers of parents who ban all types of food groups, they are the ones with no control and who have unhealthy relationships with the banned item. You can stop a child, you have no control of a teen.

@Flangelica

You do need to word it differently to how that mum worded it to your SIL

I don't agree with either you or that mum. I don't generally feed my DCs processed foods either. But would never expect another parent hosting to suddenly start shelling out for or fresh meat meal for a group of friends staying for tea, unless that's what I'd planned all along.

As others have said "little Johnny doesn't eat processed meats" won't endear you to the host as it's wankery

Explaining "Little Johnny gets sick on eating sausages or pre made chicken nuggets/ fish fingers" is a bit better.

But frankly if you're that fussy about exactly what your child eats on a one off play date tea-time, then send him with a packed lunch in a box. If you go ahead and make a similar preference request, I think you'll find fewer repeat invites occur for little Johnny.

Oh I see there are quite a few posts telling me to get over myself for saying it's a wanky request, and implying I've taken it as a judgment of my own choices.

I did say that I wouldn't have a problem complying. That's because we don't eat processed meat either. But nor would I be so classless as to say that when any one of my dc goes on a play date. The only thing you need to tell the host is about any intolerances and allergies, specific hated food and 'thank you.'

Processed meat is not a clearly defined term in the U.K.

As TheKeatingFive says, this is why 'doesn't eat processed meat' is really not clear enough. There was a thread a few months ago from someone who looked after the child of a friend of a friend. The mother of the child said, 'give him a cheese sandwich'. The poster interpreted it (as would I) as 'give him something easy to prepare'. She cooked something like home made lasagne, only to be faced with an angry message from the mother criticising her for giving the child meat as he was vegetarian. I should add that the child was old enough to say this himself so there's another nuance to 'doesn't eat'.

I looked up processed meat after reading this thread and it said it was meat treated to make it last longer. I think that includes those packs of cooked chicken etc which is an added complication.

Yes what does "processed meat " ACTUALLY mean?

And no, it’s not a loaded comment or being snobby. I can’t eat tinned tomatoes but can tolerate fresh ones. If I told somebody that I’d be really pissed off if they thought I was being snobby.

But think about your wording. Question - “any dietary requirements?”. Answer:

a) It’s an odd one, but I can’t eat tinned tomatoes. Fresh ones are okay, so not sure why! But tinned ones make me feel ill.

versus

b) Fresh fruit/vegetables only, please - nothing from a can.

There’s a big difference in how those two answers come across.

the WHO have put processed meat in the same category as cigarettes and asbestos when it comes to how carginigenic they are. I wouldn't let my kid have a cigarette at a friend's house, nor would i let them go round to a house with asbestos.

Seriously OP they are not the same things at all.

In terms of being carginigenic, it is the same though. According to the WHO they are literally on the same level of risk.

I didn't see any links or comments saying the WHO doesn't say that? Just read multiple articles previously about the direct link between processed meat and bowel cancer after my auntie developed the disease and I read up on it.

(to be honest i haven't read every reply as I'm at work, been skimming a lot, so apologies if ive missed any comments! Definitely not deliberately ignored any!)

In terms of being carginigenic, it is the same though. According to the WHO they are literally on the same level of risk.

Very sorry about your Aunt OP. What do you call processed ?

Cigarettes and processed meats are in the same category, Flangelica but they do not have the same level of risk. This explains the difference well I think:

www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/2015/11/03/report-says-eating-processed-meat-is-carcinogenic-understanding-the-findings/

How would you know if a child’s friend’s house has asbestos? Even if it did, it’s perfectly safe as long as your child doesn’t go drilling holes in it!

I don’t think it’s odd to say ‘no processed meat’, but I’d probably ask for clarification on what is included/excluded. Homemade sausages with pork mince and herbs ok, but chorizo and Parma ham not ok? I don’t really like bacon, but I do like cured meats (although try and not have them too often as I know processed meats aren’t ideal).

I also prefer not to have too much sugar, and wouldn’t hesitate to say to people that I would prefer my children not to have sugary treats.