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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In the past 2 years, nursery illness has ruined

344 replies

Wouldloveanother · 03/07/2022 16:24

Every bank holiday bar one. Maybe 15-20 weekends? Both of DH’s birthdays. A weekend away. Too many occasions and plans to even count. I am so done with it, another weekend ruined and I just want to cry.

OP posts:
Wouldloveanother · 05/07/2022 09:25

k80pie · 05/07/2022 08:16

By the way, for what it’s worth our child eats healthy food, lives in a warm home, always has his chest covered with merino in winter, etc etc. He is an otherwise completely healthy child with all immunisations up to date.

Kindy/preschool is an absolute petri dish of germs and bugs, no matter how well taught the children are to sneeze into elbows and wash hands - I am always witnessing children coughing and sneezing onto each other and absolutely cringeing - but what are you going to do, keep them home forever? My point is - healthy children are still susceptible to catching every bug going round, and it is no wonder OP has been feeling down about it - so am I!!!

thanks for your kind comment. Yes DD has a great diet, eats all her greens, oily fish twice a week, quality meat, whole grain, porridge for breakfast, berries, natural yoghurt. She’s a picture of health, perfect weight, long thick glossy hair etc, good colour.

our house isn’t Mrs hinch perfect but it’s clean and tidy, kitchen cleaned every day, hands washed before meals etc. I’m quite obsessive about sell by dates etc as I’m wary of introducing yet another bug into the house. Clean clothes every day etc. She goes to a forest nursery though so also spends a lot of time grubbing around in the dirt and playing with her friends which I think is good for them at that age.

shes got plenty of energy, naps have been dropped and when well she sleeps through for 11 hours. She’s a very happy and confident little girl as remarked on regularly by her nursery.

sorry that’s not meant to sound like a braggy post just addressing the messages suggesting it’s the cleanliness of our house, her diet etc

OP posts:
Wouldloveanother · 05/07/2022 09:29

Could I have said etc any more times in that last post..!

OP posts:
Debbiedoodah · 05/07/2022 09:40

Wouldloveanother · 04/07/2022 22:06

Ok, so I’m thinking to have checked:


  1. tonsils

  2. hayfever

  3. allergies

The waiting lists are massively long on the NHS at the moment. Like one year to see a consultant. If I were you I'd pay for a private ENT consultation to get her tonsils and adenoids checked

olderthanyouthink · 05/07/2022 09:42

I can vouch, it took a year for DD to see ENT as St Thomas' in London. This was couple months ago and by then the issue was gone (might come back though)

RainCoffeeBook · 05/07/2022 09:45

I'm not seeing how a snotty nose has the power to cancel events and ruin holidays.

Are you just massively overreacting? Kid sniffs you're supposed to just, you know... Get on with things? You'll raise a hypochondriac if you cancel events and act like the world's ending every time they cough.

MindatWork · 05/07/2022 10:14

I feel for you OP - my DD is 3.5 (so around 14 months when 1st lockdown came in) and we have constant illness with temps, too.

Can i also just say well done for actually letting her rest and keeping her at home when she's ill? So many people seem intent on dragging their kids for 'days out' when they are knackered and poorly. My DD is off nursery with me at home ill today after a friend brought her DS round on Saturday for a playdate - with an obvious raging ear infection, chesty cough and dripping snotty nose.

He was visibly unwell and needed to be at home in bed, but friend hand-waved it away as 'hayfever'. We do tend to be quite laid back about seeing each other when the kids are ill but there's a big difference between a bit of a cold but still fine in themselves and an obviously poorly, listless, pale child.

Numbat2022 · 05/07/2022 10:15

Why are people not understanding that it's not just a snotty nose? Obviously you carry on as normal - they'd be in nursery with just a snotty nose. But fever, miserable, in pain, on Calpol - you stay home.

katmarie · 05/07/2022 10:33

Suggesting that a simple snotty nose is ruining a holiday is a bit disingenuous. But let's break it down a bit anyway.

If the op's kids are anything like mine then it's not just a snotty nose. A cold lasts several days, and comes with a snotty nose with constant sneezing, which has to be wiped endlessly, leading to sore facial skin, which makes her iritable and grumpy. When she sneezes she launches snot across the table, and she's two, so asking her to put her hand over her face or use a tissue is hit and miss at best. Who wants to have that in a restaurant or indoor event? Or at a soft play or whatever? It's a surefire way to spread germs, and as much as I love kids, I don't want other people's kids snotting on me, and I'm sure everyone else feels the same about mine.

On top of that if she's got a simple cold then she's miserable, lethargic, grumpy, clingy, cries a lot, whinges, has no tolerance or resiliance, doesn't want to play or eat or do anything except sit on my lap and cuddle. Making it very difficult for me to do anything. And making the atmosphere unpleasant for others around us. Finally it feels pretty cruel to try and make her join in with any social event whether it's child or adult focused. She just wants to be home, where she can be in comfort and nap if she needs to.

I have elderly parents with health concerns that make them vulnerable, so visiting them when dd is sick is not an option, as a simple cold could make my mum quite ill, so that's most family events out when dd is sick. And we can't send the kids to them for childcare when sick either.

And that's just if she has a cold. It's rarely just a cold. If she has diarrhoea, and she's had that about 8 times this year, she needs to stay by a toilet, and she needs someone to help her, so no long car trips, definitely no flights, which absolutely screws up family holidays. And no working for one parent. Same with vomiting. And if she gets a high enough temp she often throws up. Which means a 48 hour exclusion from nursery, even if she's fine the next day. Which means taking more time off work (which me and DH do share equally, but still it's a problem).

Until recently a temp or a cough meant a PCR test, with a minimum 24 hour turn around, so she'd be home for a day and a half at least, even if it wasn't covid. The time she got covid she was off for a week, and then her brother was off for a week. Not the same week, mind, he was the following week. So two weeks that DH and I had to juggle childcare, and then we got it too.

It feels cathartic to get this all down, but the reality is it's a fucking nightmare. I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks, and I am so worried that I'm going to end up having problems because I have to take time off sick or to care for the kids. I don't know what the solution is either. I don't want to move dd from her nursery setting because when she is there she absolutely thrives, and the setting is perfect for her. I don't think she would be as happy with a childminder and she would definitely be lonely at home with a nanny. I cannot give up work, I simply can't afford to do that. I do work from home, and i have worked around the kids being home sick sometimes, if it's just one, then it's do-able for a couple of hours. But it's not possible with 2 under 5, and it's not possible for more than a few hours, I end up being a poor employee and a poor mother. Can't send the kids to my parents. Dh's parents are dead, so that's not an option. My siblings work full time and live 40 minutes away, DH's sibling lives 2 hours away. So no help there. Not sure what the answer is really, i just hope it gets easier eventually.

Buttonjugs · 05/07/2022 12:22

Lazypuppy · 03/07/2022 16:47

OP you've not answered really what the illnesses are that are stopping all your plans? As others have said, a lot of coughs/colds/temps if they can be controlled by calpol etc then plans continue

Apart from the COVID thing? It’s irresponsible to continue as normal, especially at the moment with cases rising and hospitalisations increasing.

Numbat2022 · 05/07/2022 12:23

@katmarie Yup, all of that. I only have one though, having two must be more than doubly hard. To be honest I've stayed in a job I really should leave because they're very flexible. I'm hoping it's just until mine is in school and his immune system perks up a bit.

My Dc said his tummy hurt this morning, so I'm just waiting for the call from nursery. He hasn't been ill in about six weeks so he's due something!

Wouldloveanother · 05/07/2022 13:21

It’s just mean. We seem to expect little kids who don’t have the language or ability to make themselves feel better, tolerate going about their day with a bug that adults would probably stay home for.

OP posts:
Wouldloveanother · 05/07/2022 13:23

RainCoffeeBook · 05/07/2022 09:45

I'm not seeing how a snotty nose has the power to cancel events and ruin holidays.

Are you just massively overreacting? Kid sniffs you're supposed to just, you know... Get on with things? You'll raise a hypochondriac if you cancel events and act like the world's ending every time they cough.

It isn’t a ‘snotty nose’ Rain 🙄 I’ve said repeatedly it’s 39+ fevers. Why can’t people just read my actual posts rather than swanning in with their totally inaccurate responses?

OP posts:
SS1983 · 05/07/2022 13:46

sending hugs

I feel how you feel about nursery and time off. I have twins and since they started, there are times where it is constant , and after one gets it, the other does too. One my my twins really struggled with high temp and ending up in a and e even after one year vaccines. Since then it’s hand, foot and mouth, vomiting bug. Also the random times we get called for high temp meaning 24 hrs off. I get so stressed out , both about work, plans and sheer exhaustion

angela99999 · 05/07/2022 14:19

My GS seems to catch every nursery cough and cold going, but has, weirdly, not caught chicken pox though virtually every other child has had it. What irritates my DD is that the nursery always try to send him home even with a little sniffle or cough even though we know every other child has had it, or will have it shortly.

Wouldloveanother · 05/07/2022 18:20

@SS1983 i can’t imagine going through this with twins! Props to you!
well we took her to nursery today only to be informed she can’t go back until Thursday as she started antibiotics last night
thats another 2 days off work for DH.

OP posts:
katmarie · 05/07/2022 19:59

Ooof, twins must be tough, sending you hugs!

Dd made it through the day at nursery today but fell asleep in the car on the way home, which she never does. She's definitely under the weather, poor kid, and I feel horrible even sending her in. Bit the alternative would have been another day off work, and I already have my manager making pointed comments about absence. Parenting guilt is piling on here!

Miriam101 · 05/07/2022 20:10

Could you afford a nanny? A nanny share? Could be a gamechanger for you.

Hmm1234 · 05/07/2022 21:03

Everything including my sanity! Even had fall outs with family and wanting extra help
with childcare because I couldn’t cope over the Christmas period. The illnesses never stop

SS1983 · 05/07/2022 21:25

I felt guilty sending my twins in too. Between both of them they have been off since last Friday. They did run into nursery as opposed to cry which they often do after a long break, so that softened the blow a bit

mapofeasterireland · 06/07/2022 10:10

Our son has a periodic fever syndrome called PFAPA. The symptoms are regular high fevers.Other symptoms can be mouth ulcers, rash or joint issues. There's a host of fever syndromes or auto-inflammatory issues that can be looked at.

NamechangeApril21 · 06/07/2022 10:59

You have my sympathy op. My eldest and my youngest are exactly the same - just very prone to high temps with the slightest thing. My eldest was off nursery at least once a month, with the nursery having a 48 hour ban rule for any illness. No underlying health issues at all. She is 8 now and catches hardly anything now - we had norovirus in the house a couple of weeks ago and she was the only one unnaffected so theres hope she'll grow out of it and her immune system becomes more resilient.

My middle child was fine, snotty noses and odd cough, but never the same temp issue and missed nursery only once with the chicken pox (which she was fine with, just the obligatory time off) - i do think it varies child to child. My youngest has just turned 2, and unfortunately takes after my eldest and I've had to take 3 weeks combined off over the last 2 months. It's soul destroying and I'm going to end up losing my job.

And I agree, carrying on with a snotty nose and a bit of a cough is one thing. But dragging a child out when they've a temp and feeling miserable is cruel. You're not being over dramatic and "just getting on with it" isn't an option when they're having fevers.

Ugzbugz · 06/07/2022 11:02

Hopefully when she starts school she will have an iron immune system as juggling the weeks off a year with illness is tough going. I couldn't work from home in a previous job so had to use holidays which then ate into the holiday time I needed off.

My DS had quite a few bugs at nursery but school seemed much better. At nursery he had so many colds coughs, sick bugs and chicken pox.

I don't think being at home for so long with covid has helped with their immune systems either!

bluesky45 · 06/07/2022 11:19

I caught covid 8 weeks ago and there has been illness after illness in our house since then. Coughs, colds, vomiting bugs, chickenpox. The whole lot. One after the other, going backwards and forwards between the kids. I think we have managed 3 consecutive days illness free in our house for the last 8 weeks. I'm so done with it all.

BobbinHood · 06/07/2022 11:21

That does sound at the extreme end. Being a lockdown baby maybe makes a difference? My DD has been in nursery for 3.5 years and has missed about 5 days through illness.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 06/07/2022 11:31

In the same boat. DD4 was barely in nursery from September to December last year, with cold/cough/fever every other week. Thankfully I’m not in work at the minute, so can’t imagine how stressful it is for you with having to take time off! But I would say DD has been getting ill less and less frequently and not quite as bad, her immune system is probably improving. I hope it gets easier for you OP!