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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to organise summer holiday activities

83 replies

craggydragon · 03/07/2022 08:09

Summer holidays coming up and honestly I am craving the lockdowns again because the thought of dragging the kids out for activites and day trips in the heat is stressing me out. I've not been feeling well recently and am so tired, I just can't face it. AIBU for thinking we can just stay at home and play in the garden for a few weeks? I am very lucky to have a nice garden. But I feel guilty for thinking the kids will miss out, or that I will be wasting one of the "18 summers" I keep reading about. I'm also not the kind of mum who constantly sets up fun home-based activities like the 5-min mum stuff. I don't like baking... I read to them and get the pens out...

Truly I am happy to hear if I ABU. I've lost sight of what's ok.

OP posts:
blessedbethebutter · 03/07/2022 08:10

There is no right or wrong answer. I'll book a couple of big activities apart from that it's parks, walks, local activities and days at home. Don't put any pressure on yourself.

carefullycourageous · 03/07/2022 08:12

What is this '18 summers' bollocks? Fuck that.

You can have a lovely time at home.

Get off social media, get in the garden and relax. You'll be teaching your children so many valuable things - that self-care and relaxation are important for starters.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 03/07/2022 08:14

I'd research your options. See if theres anything that you all would really enjoy. If not no sweat. If so bonus!

Popcorn77 · 03/07/2022 08:15

Its good for kids to entertain themselves! How old are they?
if you want them to entertain themselves more at home maybe (if you have money to spare) you need to add some more garden toys in for novelty. The padding pool - a den kit is ace - balls/obstacle race kit. Maybe make a calendar and name the days ie: den building day - you have the morning to construct the best den possible and we will all eat our lunch in it!! (its all in the marketing!!)
maybe make plans with friends to come round so they mix up the company?

but also you don’y have to do the classic crowded places - kids have as much (if not more) fun running around in a cool woods.. etc maybe find a couple of places you like. Take your lunch out for picnics, go swimming, find an air conditioned play space - do smaller things.

manlyago · 03/07/2022 08:15

Of course that’s ok! How old are your kids? Maybe you could organise for them to have the odd friend over? Set up a paddling pool etc..

The whole thing about days out- no one shows the screaming kids etc..they just tell you about the good bits (or show it on Instagram!). My kids are teenagers now but they loved just being at home running around the garden with friends when they were little.

Depending on their age and your finances you could get a couple of summer things for the garden.

I hope you feel better soon. Sounds tough.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/07/2022 08:16

It depends on your children - what age are they? Do they have friends on your street who they can meet without you organising it? Are they happy to potter, or will they get bored? Are they asking for activities and days out? Are their friends doing these things?

According to Mumsnet most people are happy staying at home. This is not my experience of reality, and in my opinion a few days out and lots of playdates will make summer more fun.

carefullycourageous · 03/07/2022 08:16

If you're knackered I'd plan a nurture summer with light gardening or nature activities, nice cooking, films, garden games and lots of relaxation.

My suggestion is buy a tent or teepee if budget allows and make bunting and other garden decorations. All mine still love decorating the garden.

InDubiousBattle · 03/07/2022 08:16

6 week is a very long time to spend reading and playing in a garden. How old are your dc? Will you invite their friends over?

girlmom21 · 03/07/2022 08:17

Do they have plenty of garden toys and activities? How old are they?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/07/2022 08:18

If you're knackered I'd plan a nurture summer

Just to say I would have hated this as a child because I was not ill or disabled and I wanted to have fun, not have a rest cure.

DockOTheBay · 03/07/2022 08:19

Depends on their age. 7 and under they'll probably be happy playing in the garden for a lot of the time. 13 year olds, not so much.
I do think you're a bit unreasonable to not do anything at all with them. It doesn't have to be something extravagant or expensive, but going to local parks or woodlands, playdates with friends etc don't take much effort to organise.
If they're older then somewhere like clip n climb or soft play is easy for you as once you get there, they can just go off and play while you have a coffee.

DockOTheBay · 03/07/2022 08:20

I often find keeping them entertained at home for more than a few days actually takes more effort than going out...

Tinkywinkywoo · 03/07/2022 08:22

Mine wouldn’t be happy with a ‘nurture summer’ but different kids have different expectations. It’s not always hot- pick a cooler day? I think a couple of trips out at least can break the summer up. I find it harder work staying in all the time personally but everybody’s different.

Momicrone · 03/07/2022 08:24

If you're run down and tired, have you thought of ways to get your energy back?

UniversalTruth · 03/07/2022 08:25

I'm lucky because I work part time so the childminder takes care of trips on my days at work!

I'm sorry that you're feeling tired, I don't think there's anything wrong with a few weeks at home, but my DCs would start to get annoying and whiny after a few days of nothing to do. So I would make a list of low key things you can do locally, and some day trips that don't require much planning - eg, park, other park, walk in woods, visit national trust.

Then on the day, you can look at the list and see what you feel like. It separates the planning work from the doing work and I feel more in control this way.

It's good to give a choice too - so in the morning I'll say, "the weather is dry, would you like to go to park A or walk in the woods today?".

I also might say, "I'm feeling tired today and I need to look after myself by having a quiet day, but it's good for our mental health to get out of the house, so why don't we walk to the bookshop and spend the petrol money on books" or similar. Like pp said, you're role modelling looking after yourself.

Whinge · 03/07/2022 08:25

DockOTheBay · 03/07/2022 08:20

I often find keeping them entertained at home for more than a few days actually takes more effort than going out...

I was going to say similar. A trip to the beach, woods, park, splash pad etc is much easier than trying to keep them entertained at home.

OP you don't need to plan an amazing summer packed with activities and trips, but I do think it's unfair to keep the children cooped up at home for 6 weeks.

KittyRedSocks · 03/07/2022 08:25

Speaking as a non-parent, I've only memories of my own childhood. I loved staying home... carving out my own day and what I wanted to do, even when fairly young. Knowing how to entertain myself has been a great skill of my life. I can always find something I want to do, I never get bored. So one of two days out for the whole summer would haves suited me fine...

motogirl · 03/07/2022 08:26

18 summers? Most kids are in childcare, what message is this sending them? I wish so called experts would stop idealising childhood and realise that there's many ways to raise children (well) and the luxury of a stay at home (or term time only) parent without illness or disability who can also afford these extravagancies is actually rare.

Mine most went to the museum summer programme from 8&10 or sometimes they council run sports camp because I worked, pt, sometimes I started work at 7am so I could finish at 1 then their dad went to work until 9. Everyone was tired cry that option. The museum camp programme was free, over 8's but loose supervision so only suited kids alone who were trustworthy so young, I worked about 20 doors down.

carefullycourageous · 03/07/2022 08:30

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/07/2022 08:18

If you're knackered I'd plan a nurture summer

Just to say I would have hated this as a child because I was not ill or disabled and I wanted to have fun, not have a rest cure.

You don't tell the kIds you wally! You just plan loads of nice stuff and have a really nice time.

My kids always loved stuff like camping in the garden, cooking outdoors, bike rides, swimming. Maybe I just have happy kids, I dunno, but I feel sorry for parents who have to entertain their kids so much.

onlywhenidream · 03/07/2022 08:31

Take a few weeks to chill out and then see how you feel - you might all be ready for a change of scene by then

But don't succumb to social media pressure

Sorry missed if you said age of children but trip to the park with a ball and some jam sandwiches is fine for a trip out and hardly requires organisation - you shouldn't need to be doing complicated , expensive or educational

onlywhenidream · 03/07/2022 08:32

And it's good for children to learn how to have fun simply

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 03/07/2022 08:33

18 summers? When do they start? I do think you probably have a limited number of summers but 18 it ain't. After 15 they won't want to know you - it'll be friends based and you'll be a driver. Before 5 the concept of summer is limited. I'd say you have 6 or 7 summers so take that pressure off. At the same time I spend a lot of summer with my mum now so it doesn't fall off a cliff once they start managing their own time.

I remember very fondly a summer spent reading famous 5, making my bed, and eating Mars bar ice creams (I was imagining what life would be like to be perfect like Anne - and made the bed about 3 times a day imagining it such an accomplishment and the ultimate sign of Virtue) it probably lasted 2 days but lives in my memory as much longer.

I wonder bother with action packed stuff but I'd pick one or two things that are new/different for your family and make that special. Like an ice cream station. Or cinema days (at home) and go all out.

Momicrone · 03/07/2022 08:34

Carefully courageous, what if you love doing activities and day trips with your kids, do you feel sorry for those parents too? Slightly patronising

MichelleScarn · 03/07/2022 08:34

Are you having to take leave from work for the hols? Could you not share it with their dad to make it less never ending for you? Or even depending on their age summer schools or PGL?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 03/07/2022 08:36

Goig for bike rides and swimming IS going out though?

Don't feel pressurised into having big days out. You won't be the only ones this year (I was looking at family tickets for days out yesterday, some were triple figures...) Personally I found a bit of structure helps, even if it is just going for a walk in the woods or to the swimming pool. And then having opportunities for home activities like sleeping outside or film nights. Plus time to play with friends.

You can't waste a summer. Just enjoy it. They remember the little things more anyway.