To not want to organise summer holiday activities

[craggydragon]

Summer holidays coming up and honestly I am craving the lockdowns again because the thought of dragging the kids out for activites and day trips in the heat is stressing me out. I've not been feeling well recently and am so tired, I just can't face it. AIBU for thinking we can just stay at home and play in the garden for a few weeks? I am very lucky to have a nice garden. But I feel guilty for thinking the kids will miss out, or that I will be wasting one of the "18 summers" I keep reading about. I'm also not the kind of mum who constantly sets up fun home-based activities like the 5-min mum stuff. I don't like baking... I read to them and get the pens out...

Truly I am happy to hear if I ABU. I've lost sight of what's ok.

You don't tell the kIds you wally! You just plan loads of nice stuff and have a really nice time.

My kids always loved stuff like camping in the garden, cooking outdoors, bike rides, swimming. Maybe I just have happy kids, I dunno, but I feel sorry for parents who have to entertain their kids so much

But that is not a summer of "lots of relaxation" as suggested - that is a totally normal summer in which you plan lots of nice stuff, which is what the OP wishes to avoid. She does not want to go for bike rides or take them swimming, and the suggestion was gentle gardening and staying home. Which I would have hated, and I bet your kids would not be so happy with either.

You poor thing I hope you feel better soon. 3 and 5 are great ages. I would try and plan a mix of at home days and some other activities. We have a good soft play area close to us and at that age they could play somewhat independently and I could sit with a tea and watch. You could meet up with their friends there for a few hours. Do you have any woodlands or walks near you - I used to pack their scooters and we did a walk or had a little picnic - a couple of hours would pass quickly.
Make a list of your local activities and see what ones would be simple to do. Our local library do regular activities for kids and they are free. If you have any family close by I would let them know that you aren't feeling great and would appreciate a little bit of support this summer.
I'm not sure I agree with the 18 summers - last summer my family had a lovely holiday together - three generations and it was brilliant. When your energy is low it can be hard to make plans but in my experience a long walk tires them out and makes bedtime a lot easier!

When I was a kid my summers were spent flitting between the neighbours' houses (who had kids, obviously!) and sometimes they'd come to mine too. We'd be in the park, out on bikes, and as we got older we might get the bus into town and things like that.

My mum did organise lovely days out, things like bowling, animal parks, and we went on holiday in our caravan at least once per school break, but the vast majority of the summer holiday I'd spend at home, entertaining myself.

It helped that I was the kind of child who was happy to spend every waking hour reading, so boredom was never a thing for me. A trip to the library at the beginning of summer with my mum was very much the highlight!

I couldn’t think of anything worse than spending 6 weeks entirely at home with my 3yr old.

I’ve got to have things planned to break the week up, doesn’t have to anything major, we do dance class, playgroup, play dates, swimming, go to the forest, go to the beach, bike ride, and every couple weeks do a paid for activity like soft play, petting farm etc. But we also love time playing at home, in the garden, sandpit, paddling pool, chalks, paints etc.

You don’t need to have days stuffed with set up instagramable activities but I find I have to get out the house at some point for my own mental health and well-being!

Sounds like a perfect way to spend one of your 18 summers! We are away for half the summer holidays, but live somewhere without access to a garden so will be spending two weeks visiting family who have wonderful gardens and near beaches and a week on a holiday home that has fabulous access to outside space but isn't really in a holiday destination so will just be exploring there and going to local swimming pools, perhaps a trip to a farm or zoo. It would be a different summer hol if we lived near family and had are own garden so I see nothing wrong in what you plan to do.

OP,

Your children are a great age to enjoy your garden.

Making it as fun as possible helps.

Have you a sand pit?

Spray bottles for watering plants.

A couple of large rugs where you make as designated play spots, one for Duplo, another with a dinky mat.

A cheap tent for tea parties and lunch are great fun.

Mine ate any meal in their tent during the good weather when they were small.

I also put lots of old pillows blankets in the tent for relaxing time.

The more fun the garden is, the more they will play there.

Also if you have children over they will play happily there.

Interspersed with a day out here and there, maybe at the weekends when you have help?

Mind yourself.

Do what works for you. At those ages I think they will be totally fine doing at home things.

Younger kids are a special kind of exhausting what with needing everything doing for them and waking up with the sunrise. You will find as they get older and a bit more independent that days out will become more appealing. I can stroll around an attraction with a coffee these days and my kids can take themselves to the toilet, go on rides without me, do their own seat belts, tie their shoelaces, get dressed on their own, make their own breakfast...and so on.

At the age yours are I found being at home and being out exhausting in equal measure but used to take them out for the morning so they would nap in the car and I'd get a break.

It's not 18 summers if you have more than one kid, I've never heard this phrase before

oh yes to be clear I'm not saying a 3 year old can do a self directed project! Just I can't see why the whole long summer has pressure on it.

If you are working and they have a nanny /childminder/grandma they can do the usual things (park, drawing, snack, TV, more drawing, lunch, paddling pool) then do a trip to a museum once a week or the library every so often. Whatever their usual routine would be? Or if they're in nursery they would still be in nursery, doing their usual routine?

If you are working and having 2 weeks off then that's your holiday too so I would expect to be doing the odd trip or fun thing if not travelling abroad. Or just playing with them!

If you're not working and you are a SAHM then again I guess it's the same routine, whatever you have planned for how your day usually looks like? Then the odd trip as I said!

As they get older and are off school then enjoy playing at home they can do more of that.

I just can't see in what circumstances you suddenly have to provide a whole summer of activity that's more than you usually do?

At 3 and 5 they won’t have any expectations but I know my 3 and 6 year old would go crazy if we were at home for 6 weeks. You don’t have to do anything intense but I’d have thought getting out for a walk, park trip would be a bare minimum to avoid them trashing your house. I’d be wanting some play dates for the older one as well. Will be much easier for you if they have a friend to entertain them.

At that age mostly playing in the garden will be enough, with the odd trip to the park/woods and a couple of day trips if you feel up to it - you'll probably find you want to get out of the house yourself after a couple of weeks!
I don't usually do much in the way of day trips in the holidays, I don't drive so can only do them if OH can take a day off. This summer we're staying with my parents and been doing something almost every day so far and my older child is begging to stay home and do nothing! Children get tired and want lazy days too.

@EthicalNonMahogany I assumed - maybe incorrectly - that the OP's situation is either that she doesn't work or doesn't work in the summer (e.g. a teacher) and the children would normally be at school and nursery/preschool, which is why there's a need to 'fill' 6 weeks. And I totally agree that all the things you describe sound great and fine, but none of them are 'just playing in the garden for a few weeks'.

I think the problem is it's not clear whether the OP is asking whether it's ok not to do planned, booked activities, which it clearly is as lots of posters are reassuring her, or whether she means literally not leaving their house/garden.

How are parents meant to afford day trips out when the cost of living is sky high?
I don't remember playschemes when I was younger. They didn't exist and we got by.

Thanks for all your ideas. I think it's just that I know lots of other parents who do more things with their kids, always taking them out somewhere, whether free or otherwise. And often at the weekends we don't really do much of anything because we feel too tired, the kids seem happy with that but then I worry I am depriving them of experiences. So the holidays just seems an extension of that. I don't mean we will literally not leave the house/garden, but just maybe not that often. And I'm not good at making "magical" activities at home either. I don't want to look back on this time and think I should have done more, even though at the moment it feels unattainable.

My daughter grew up happy and healthy and I don't believe I ever created any magical experiences

So @craggydragon what is your situation? Will you be working and do you usually look after your 3 year old?

18 summers? Most kids are in childcare, what message is this sending them? I wish so called experts would stop idealising childhood and realise that there's many ways to raise children (well) and the luxury of a stay at home (or term time only) parent without illness or disability who can also afford these extravagancies is actually rare.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

So glad that someone else has posted this, Thankyou!

I feel the same, sadly no garden lol, otherwise I'd be doing the same! But yes I like what another poster said, about a few bigger things, then sticking to general stuff. Plus I will be making a plan with DC father so he will be covering some of it.
Just recently received info of things to do in the area etc so I have screen shot a few of those, all little idea's of other things we can do!

I think if you can arrange a few things then great, otherwise do your ordinary activities with DC/for them to do. I feel worse when I hear of others going on long weekend trips or holidays abroad.

We like time at home but I do find that we need a bit of structure to distinguish one day from another, so I'd suggest that you build in an 'activity time' each day even if you are tired ...

Some ideas of activities, in addition to the excellent ones above, that you could do very close to home without even going to the park:

• I-spy walk. Give each of them a piece of paper with pictures of 10 things to tick off as you walk around your neighbourhood.


• pressed flowers


• summer scrapbook


• if it rains: rainy walk, puddle jumping, mud pies


• movie night


• board games


• pillow fight


• balloon tennis (with ping pong bats)


• Water pistol fight


• Bug hunt


• garden picnic


• home made ice lollies


• grow butterflies


• potato prints

and many more

Also take lots of photos of your 'at home' summer and make a nice album or slideshow - it will feel richer and fuller if you can look back over the fun you and they have had.

Thanks @Yika I'll put those on my list.

Yes I work part-time term times only.

Personally I'd go mad at home for 6 weeks. So would 3yo DS. DD is happy to bumble around anywhere as she's only 1.We love playing in the garden but getting out lifts my mood and wears them out a bit. The days are just too long at home!
It doesn't have to be anywhere fancy. I just put what I would make is for lunch anyway in to a Tupperware and eat it somewhere else!
We have a pass to a local attraction with an adventure playground, sandpit, lake etc so it's usually just there.
If there is a few national trusts near you you could get a pass and let them run off a bit of steam while you rest on a picnic blanket. No need to plan then so you can do it on a day you have a bit more energy.
Places like trampoline parks/soft play are also fab as you can sit with a coffee while they play! At 3&5 they'll be fine together.
Perhaps book them in to a fun holiday club for a day here and there to give you a rest and them a change of scenery.
You could also ask them to choose 1 thing each to do this summer if that feels more manageable.

Mine are grown up now but when we weren't away on holiday. I did a mixture of big day out, local half day eg swimming, teddy bears picnic at the park etc and garden/house day. Sometimes the big day out was the best because everyone comes back happy and knackered and content not to do much for a few days. House day can sometimes be just playing with their toys while I chilled , had coffee and read/whatever. Other days it was enough to get chalks or fill the paddling pool up.
Having fun doesn't mean organizing every minute.

There's something really off about your comment. I cant work out what it is. Maybe it's the stereotyping of the ill and disabled as park, weak and fragile whilst you are spirited and bouncy.

It's annoying whatever. My kids are disabled. They don't deserve a lesser summer. Unfortunately they'll get one because I'm broke - yes, yes, I do free outdoors stuff but they'd still love a proper holiday and amazing days out.

I think the trouble is that when we're at home I do try to do "activities" sometimes but they're only interested in them for max 10 minutes and so then it feels like a failure. I find it easier/better not to bother a lot of the time

This is an excellent list and I agree with making photos or a scrapbook, that in itself is a great activity with kids.