Parents with young kids who drink a lot

[Anyoneforetonmess]

Thoughts?

I’m not straight laced and had many drunken and drug fuelled years through the 90’s and 00’s-clubs, travel etc.
I have a young dc now and just can’t live that same lifestyle and don’t really want to tbh.
I have a good friend, great fun, full of energy, scatty etc who loves a drink…a lot. Her Dh works in the entertainment business so drink is part of his environment and they’ve always enjoyed a good time..fair play to them.
However, now they have a young dc and still have this lifestyle, dc has regularly been in bars and restaurants since being a baby, wearing earphones etc.
Her dc’s birthday party was the other week and the wine was flowing..a lot of it, she was drunk, her Dh was and her mum. It was a great party and a great laugh, but from there she went out for the night leaving dc with her mum and was out in the morning still drunk.
Aibu to think your lifestyle changes when you have dc?

*headphones

If the baby was safe with someone else, why shouldn't she?

My kids have been in pubs, bars and restaurants since birth, I go out and get drunk when they're with their GPs, and no I don't feel bad about it at all.

Bits of my life have changed since I had kids, yes. But no fucking way am I sacrificing having a good time when I can. I notice your disapproval only extends to the mum here, presumably as a man her DH can do whatever he likes?

@Womeninthesequel Eh? I said *Parents who drink a lot…but yeah, the mum is a big drinker too and was in charge of him I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

Meh, everyone is different aren't they? If your friend has the desire to go out and the support network to be able to do it then she could argue that her 'free' time makes her a better parent.

Personally I don't go out often as we have nobody to look after dc and I feel like it takes the piss to expect dh to do it alone every weekend. But now and then I have a good day or night out with my friends and feel refreshed for it. I couldn't do it often though and certainly not if included drinking heavily, the hangovers are so much more brutal now I'm in my late thirties!

You're right, life does change after dc and you're friends will have changed too, there's no avoiding that. But it sounds like she still wants to cling onto elements of her old life more than you do. Providing dc are safe and well cared for I don't think judging someone else's lifestyle is ever really that helpful.

So long as her children are safe and looked after, I don’t see the problem.

DP and I still have nights out, together and individually since DD was born. We have fewer of those nights, certainly, especially the spontaneous ones; however, it’s important we both have a life outside of our children.

Yes, OK, you are sooooo much better than she is. Will that do?

If the DC is safe and being looked after I don't see why it's a problem. It's inevitable your life will change a bit but you don't have to completely change who you are as a person. I think holding on to a little bit of yourself can be a good thing.

Dh and I still go out, together and separately but it’s obviously not as much and just not the same as before.

she could argue that her 'free' time makes her a better parent.
How does that work, then?! 🤣

@Johnnysgirl 😅

But this isn’t just in her free time, the dc comes with her to these places and lives a life built around alcohol and disorganisation really.

I think it’s odd and inappropriate to get drunk regularly with your young children around - it smacks of an unhealthy/heavily dependent relationship with alcohol to me. And I’m sure I read a research study recently showing it’s far more damaging than previously thought for children to regularly be around intoxicated caregivers. It’s a no from me (and I like a drink)!

@juliainthedeepwater This is it 🤷🏻‍♀️

You sound jealous tbh.
I know loads of kids who’ve lived those sort of lifestyles when young. Very much loved and cared for. Parents who are “routine-y” often seem a bit jealous of this 🤷‍♀️

@TheFuckingDogs Def not jealous, I could do it if I wanted 🤷🏻‍♀️
I grew up with a father who regularly drank and it did affect me

Because she gets to go out, socialise and enjoy herself every now and then. This probably means she'll return home to her family feeling happier. Thus making her a better (or at least more cheerful) parent than one who is bored, miserable and isolated. Hardly rocket science is it?

I actually agree op. I have friends like this. Their kids sit in pubs with them all weekend. They never go out to the park or anything kid friendly. They just sit in the pub all the time. Or at home the parents get pissed every evening. It's bizarre.

@Hollygoshitely33 It isn’t every now and then though, their dc is always around it

Put your hardhat on OP.
You’re going to be called a pearl clutching bore.
Alcohol is a very sore subject on MN.

It’s not great to be pissed when you’re looking after kids.

Im the daughter of someone who was, and although she was never horrible, she kind of wasn’t there… because she was tipsy.

My friend’s parents were the same, and both she and I were groped by their male friends from around 12 onwards.

@Anyoneforetonmess are you worried about the safety and well-being of the children?

I read this as ‘Kids that drink a lot’ 😂

I had a mate who always commented/judge people who had boozy kids parties.
turned out she was just just massively unhappy in her relationship.
she’s divorced now and realises it wasn’t really about booze around kids. Was about her being unhappy in her own situation

I suppose it depends how drunk they’re getting around their child and how often. Getting a bit merry on a Saturday night is quite acceptable imo, whereas getting blind drunk is definitely is not.

Disorganisation isn't an issue.
DC being taken to pubs and restaurants isn't an issue.
Having a night out and drinking isn't an issue in itself.

But if they are dependent on alcohol (and it sounds like they might be? Although it's hard to sort the facts in your post from the judgement tbh), then that is an issue. Drinking and getting drunk are different things, and it sound like they do the latter a lot.

I remember boozy weddings and parties as a kid when my parents were tipsy. They were always such good fun. I've taken mine to weddings and parties where there's been lots of drunk people and I've had a few myself. I thought it was fairly normal, the kids seem to have a good time running around on the dance floors and eating cake from the buffet under the table with all the other kids.

If its constantly then I can see why it could be an issue though.