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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents with young kids who drink a lot

83 replies

Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 20:13

Thoughts?

I’m not straight laced and had many drunken and drug fuelled years through the 90’s and 00’s-clubs, travel etc.
I have a young dc now and just can’t live that same lifestyle and don’t really want to tbh.
I have a good friend, great fun, full of energy, scatty etc who loves a drink…a lot. Her Dh works in the entertainment business so drink is part of his environment and they’ve always enjoyed a good time..fair play to them.
However, now they have a young dc and still have this lifestyle, dc has regularly been in bars and restaurants since being a baby, wearing earphones etc.
Her dc’s birthday party was the other week and the wine was flowing..a lot of it, she was drunk, her Dh was and her mum. It was a great party and a great laugh, but from there she went out for the night leaving dc with her mum and was out in the morning still drunk.
Aibu to think your lifestyle changes when you have dc?

OP posts:
manlyago · 02/07/2022 21:01

I agree OP. It’s not great for kids to habitually be around drunk people. Ask anyone who was brought up in that environment and they’ll say the same.

People on here are sensitive to it probably because they do it themselves. I did too before I gave up and now I see how unhealthy it is.

There’s not much you can do about your friend though.

Isaidnoalready · 02/07/2022 21:02

A life in pubs and pissed parents is no life

I speak from experience

MiniPiccolo · 02/07/2022 21:04

By the time her child is 11 they will cringe about them. By the time they're 16 they will be ashamed of them. By the time they are 30 they will probably just go NC.

Having pisshead parents is not pleasant, It's resentment building, and it's just outright embarrassing.

manlyago · 02/07/2022 21:04

@Hollygoshitely33 there is a happy
medium which doesn’t involve getting shit faced in front of the kids on a regular basis and taking them to pubs/ clubs regularly. You can still have fun and be fulfilled blah blah without getting off your tits. Anyone who say boring etc… has their own issues imo.

Darbs76 · 02/07/2022 21:05

I have a friend like this, her son has grown up sitting in pubs on Saturday afternoons whilst adults get drunk. She puts drink before everything else.

MiniPiccolo · 02/07/2022 21:07

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 20:17

If the baby was safe with someone else, why shouldn't she?

My kids have been in pubs, bars and restaurants since birth, I go out and get drunk when they're with their GPs, and no I don't feel bad about it at all.

Bits of my life have changed since I had kids, yes. But no fucking way am I sacrificing having a good time when I can. I notice your disapproval only extends to the mum here, presumably as a man her DH can do whatever he likes?

Have you ever looked in to why you need to be pissed to have a good time? It's tedious. People in their 40s, 50s, 60s etc out on the lash is just 😬 late 30s is about it - and that's at a push unless you're going to Bongos or something.

manlyago · 02/07/2022 21:10

@MiniPiccolo i agree with your first part but what is with the age limit ffs! Random
and weird! And ageist. How old are you, may I ask?

Hollygoshitely33 · 02/07/2022 21:11

manlyago · 02/07/2022 21:04

@Hollygoshitely33 there is a happy
medium which doesn’t involve getting shit faced in front of the kids on a regular basis and taking them to pubs/ clubs regularly. You can still have fun and be fulfilled blah blah without getting off your tits. Anyone who say boring etc… has their own issues imo.

I agree. If you actually read my posts you'll see I talk about the mum going out and socialising away from the family, not dragging her kids around pubs and getting lashed in front of them. I think most reasonable people would agree that that's not brilliant parenting.

MiniPiccolo · 02/07/2022 21:11

TheFuckingDogs · 02/07/2022 20:45

You sound jealous tbh.
I know loads of kids who’ve lived those sort of lifestyles when young. Very much loved and cared for. Parents who are “routine-y” often seem a bit jealous of this 🤷‍♀️

No one is jealous of you being pissed in a weatherspoons or miller and carter on a saturday afternoon, love 🤣

They're cringing at you and feeling sorry for your kids. Because if that's your lifestyle then they're not going to go very far in life are they?

Loics · 02/07/2022 21:13

I agree OP, it doesn't sound great.

MiniPiccolo · 02/07/2022 21:13

manlyago · 02/07/2022 21:10

@MiniPiccolo i agree with your first part but what is with the age limit ffs! Random
and weird! And ageist. How old are you, may I ask?

In one of those listed, don't worry.

Anyone of my age going out on the lash just looks a hot mess. No matter what they think when they go out the front door to the taxi.

Rinatinabina · 02/07/2022 21:15

Occasionally not a problem, extremely regularly, yeah I would say it’s not great.
I suspect it would be different if you said they were downing cans of larger in weatherspoons regularly. Getting drunk in restaurants and at parties makes you a better class of drunk.

Personally I love a drink but it doesn’t mix well with being able to get up and take DD to softplay the next day. I hesitate to really judge other parents but my dad was an alcoholic and it was shit, he was a happy drunk but still it was not nice to grow up with. Seeing your parents get tipsy at the odd party or xmas etc I think is fine. Several times a week would probably be upsetting.

Hollygoshitely33 · 02/07/2022 21:15

@MiniPiccolo wow, you sound nice. There's a way to make a point without being ageist, classist and just a general arse...

Original poster
Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 21:16

@Octomore I think it’s a dependency

OP posts:
Rinatinabina · 02/07/2022 21:17

TheFuckingDogs · 02/07/2022 20:45

You sound jealous tbh.
I know loads of kids who’ve lived those sort of lifestyles when young. Very much loved and cared for. Parents who are “routine-y” often seem a bit jealous of this 🤷‍♀️

I don’t know any kid who would prefer a pub to the park or softplay of a farm or a movie with popcorn at home or swimming etc etc.

Original poster
Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 21:20

@Hollygoshitely33 I’m not sure…I’m not sure exactly how things are indoors all the time of course, I don’t think it’s brilliant for their dc though

OP posts:
Hollygoshitely33 · 02/07/2022 21:23

@Anyoneforetonmess if you have genuine concerns that the kids are being neglected or whatever due to their parents drinking that's different to simply disagreeing with someone else's lifestyle. Not a lot you can do either way unfortunately, short of reporting them.

HelloCello · 02/07/2022 21:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Spritelite · 02/07/2022 21:25

A few weeks ago a 3 year old girl in my town went missing. Police were contacted, the whole neighbourhood was out searching.

Turns out that the parents had gotten blind drunk because the sun was out, and when the Grandma had popped by she was so disgusted to see the little girl forgotten about that she had taken her home with her. Took the parents just over 3 hours to notice that she was gone.

Mrsmch123 · 02/07/2022 21:29

None of your business really is it🤷🏻‍♀️

manlyago · 02/07/2022 21:31

@Mrsmch123 where do you draw the line with that?

justanoldhack · 02/07/2022 21:40

As someone who has parents who were regularly pissed - I agree with you OP. I hated every second and it's massively affected my relationship with them (negatively). And yes I judge them for it and would never parent the same way.

Meraas · 02/07/2022 21:40

Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 20:46

@TheFuckingDogs Def not jealous, I could do it if I wanted 🤷🏻‍♀️
I grew up with a father who regularly drank and it did affect me

YANBU. I would have been miserable in the situations you describe this kid is in.

Mrsmch123 · 02/07/2022 21:44

@manlyago when the child at risk of being neglected🤷🏻‍♀️Left with someone/being in a bar is not the end of the world imo.

CrystalCoco · 02/07/2022 21:45

It's all about balance really, it doesn't all have to be soft play and parks (unless that's all you want) but you don't have to completely lose yourself just because you become a parent - however, you can't lose sight of the fact that you are now a parent first and foremost.
Overall I'd say, politely, 'wind your neck in' and be a little less judgy of parents doing it differently to you.