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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents with young kids who drink a lot

83 replies

Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 20:13

Thoughts?

I’m not straight laced and had many drunken and drug fuelled years through the 90’s and 00’s-clubs, travel etc.
I have a young dc now and just can’t live that same lifestyle and don’t really want to tbh.
I have a good friend, great fun, full of energy, scatty etc who loves a drink…a lot. Her Dh works in the entertainment business so drink is part of his environment and they’ve always enjoyed a good time..fair play to them.
However, now they have a young dc and still have this lifestyle, dc has regularly been in bars and restaurants since being a baby, wearing earphones etc.
Her dc’s birthday party was the other week and the wine was flowing..a lot of it, she was drunk, her Dh was and her mum. It was a great party and a great laugh, but from there she went out for the night leaving dc with her mum and was out in the morning still drunk.
Aibu to think your lifestyle changes when you have dc?

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 02/07/2022 21:46

I think drinking around children is fine to an extent, as long as the parents know when to call time and it doesn’t impact doing things the children will enjoy and benefit from too.

It’s normal in European countries for children to be out late at restaurants etc with their parents, who will be drinking, the biggest difference is the drinking culture between those European countries and the UK.

Cas112 · 02/07/2022 21:52

I think it's worse to judge than it is for them still living there life🤷🏽‍♀️

Also as the children are safe and healthy, you should live your own life

Thinkbiglittleone · 02/07/2022 21:56

It's very different having childcare organised and going out for a night out, even every weekend. (Although I do think people who need to drink to excess every week have something going on anyway)

But to have your children in the pub with you all the time while you drink to excess is vile IMO.
I understand where you are coming from OP and I agree

Livelovebehappy · 02/07/2022 21:57

I agree OP. And your post says the friends mum, with whom the child was left with, was drunk too. So I don’t get why posters think this is a safe pair of hands to leave the dc with.

violetglow7 · 02/07/2022 22:00

OP I'd have to side with you on this one. The kids might be "safe and looked after" to a degree but being around it can cause long lasting problems. I grew up with two alcoholic parents and there were numerous incidents that endangered me and many that probably gave me long lasting mental issues. I was always around drunk people as a child and its gave me a huge problem with dealing with people now who are. It makes me feel like I'm losing control and I panic and try to regain control by limiting peoples alcohol intake. My poor DH bears the brunt of this as he can never fully let go as when I feel hes tipsy I start on him to stop and pretty much ruin his night. It drives is both nuts and we have no idea how to stop it as its deep rooted.

Thats just one example of how it could affect kids. Its not exactly teaching them a healthy relationship with alcohol. Each to their own and obv we don't really know her situation but same as you I'd be worried.

Original poster
Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 22:00

@Livelovebehappy This is a big part of it

OP posts:
JoanWilderbeast · 02/07/2022 22:04

Pedants corner: Parents who drink a lot, who have young kids. bores off

Calamaristarter · 02/07/2022 22:04

Well I have obviously lived a very sheltered life. I am really quite shocked. Do people actually get drunk, like properly drunk, deliberately, in front of their young children?? Why?

Original poster
Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 22:07

@violetglow7 Yes, so similar for me too. My dad likes a drink and then it can tip over into a not nice vibe. Don’t think he fully realises how that affected me, I hated him being drunk and remember telling him that as a kid. I also feel uneasy around drunk people (unless I am) and don’t like Dh drinking too much in case things kick off, it’s awful.
My parents regularly come to stay with us and I actually said we won’t be drinking in the house now really because of Dc ( dad used to like to drink a bottle of red every couple of days) they thought I was joking at first. I do feel like a party pooper tbh but just feel so uncomfortable when he drinks when we go out, that I just want to shut it down. Having said that I spent many years regularly drinking a lot every weekend…I just don’t do it with dc now.
Perhaps this is clouding my judgement somewhat..but it’s a lot of drinking going on , I rarely see her without a glass in her hand, even at the playground as it has a cafe next door. I mean, it’s ok and if I still drank regularly I’d maybe feel differently, but it’s a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 22:08

@JoanWilderbeast 🤣You’re completely right there, it wasn’t well written at all.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 02/07/2022 22:15

I don’t really drink at all now because I’m useless the next day and I think everyone deserves better than that.

some people can manage ok but I definitely can’t.

3luckystars · 02/07/2022 22:16

Do you mean she is drinking at the playground?

Original poster
Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 22:21

@3luckystars Yes, wine

OP posts:
SpaceyCake · 02/07/2022 22:21

I know what you mean OP. I don't think I'm particularly uptight about these things but I have some mum friends who are often drinking in front of their kids and I feel a bit uneasy about it. I don't mean the occasional glass, or even getting tipsy sometimes, but spending every weekend in pubs and restaurants drinking, and/or drinking at home every night. I've known some of these mums since our kids were babies and it feels like the kids have pretty much grown up in pubs. I feel a bit weird when these 5-year olds are often talking about drinking wine or going out for cocktails, and I feel bad for them when their mums post photos of their family weekends on social media, and it's just them in bars and restaurants every. single. weekend.

I don't know, the kids might love it when they're out eating nice food and surrounded by "fun" adults. But I also feel like normalising this constant boozing is probably not going to help build a healthy relationship with alcohol.

For the record, I don't give a shit if parents go out and get pissed if the kids are somewhere safe with a responsible adult. Everyone is entitled to nights off etc

Original poster
Anyoneforetonmess · 02/07/2022 22:23

@SpaceyCake Agree

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 02/07/2022 22:27

She drinks even when taking her child to the park?

That’s not normal at all.

Oblomov22 · 02/07/2022 22:42

This thread is not the norm. OP is damaged because of an alcoholic dad.
This was a drip feed later.
The Op, re a mum going out drinking is not a problem. OP's anxiety and paranoia is.

Oblomov22 · 02/07/2022 22:44

The father issue was not disclosed until 7 posts in.

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 22:58

MiniPiccolo · 02/07/2022 21:07

Have you ever looked in to why you need to be pissed to have a good time? It's tedious. People in their 40s, 50s, 60s etc out on the lash is just 😬 late 30s is about it - and that's at a push unless you're going to Bongos or something.

Show quote history

I don't need to be pissed to have a good time, I frequently have a fabulous time completely sober, but I do also enjoy going out dancing with my mates and getting drunk. Though I'm nowhere near my late 30s yet so maybe that's acceptable to you.

thebeesknees123 · 02/07/2022 23:27

Her drinking does seem excessive and have known similar parents

3luckystars · 02/07/2022 23:58

If she is drinking at the playground, that’s a problem, not just for her own child but other children too if she is drunk.

FixItUpChappie · 03/07/2022 00:49

I think it’s odd and inappropriate to get drunk regularly with your young children around

^^This....but lots of folks will be along to be defensive and try to justify their own drinking. For me it's about modelling behaviour and what kind of relationship I want to normalize for my children with respect to drugs and alcohol.

HelloBunny · 03/07/2022 00:57

I remember reading a piece from a well-known writer, recently, that she would put her very small kids to bed, then go downstairs & drink a couple of bottles of wine. To oblivion.
She knew she had a problem when the daytime drinking started. Her husband was out at work, but was aware of her behaviour. I don’t understand it, but I’m not a boozer.

Goldencarp · 03/07/2022 01:06

I agree with you. There’s nothing wrong with going out and getting drunk if your children are with someone and safe, but taking young kids to a bar and getting pissed while they sit there with headphones on isn’t ok. Then leaving them with her mum who was also drunk is abhorrent. I can’t believe anyone thinks that’s ok.

Goldencarp · 03/07/2022 01:08

Cas112 · 02/07/2022 21:52

I think it's worse to judge than it is for them still living there life🤷🏽‍♀️

Also as the children are safe and healthy, you should live your own life

The children weren’t safe though! She left them with her mother who was also drunk!