Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not play with my daughter?

100 replies

aboutamum · 02/07/2022 11:31

I will do crafts, the park, baking, colouring, painting, puzzles, reading, etc.

But I have started to say 'no' when I am asked to play doctors, barbies, anything make believe or role play.

The simple fact of the matter is, I cannot mentally cope with it. My brain quite literally shuts down, I'm praying for time to hurry up.

Today she begged me to play doctors all morning so I put a packed lunch together and said right we are going out to walk the dog, she got really excited but then said will I play with her all afternoon when we are home ..... screams

I do literally everything else, I'm a single parent. I don't know why I literally hate playing role play games. She used to be so good at playing on her own with barbies but now she's constantly asking me to play or saying 'you never play with me' I did for a while and shot myself in the foot there as she expects it all the time.

Am I being a bit unreasonable?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/07/2022 11:33

I personally think you are, I used to spend hours playing with mine.

MolliciousIntent · 02/07/2022 11:34

Yes. Imaginative play is SO important for brain development, and you're the only person she has to do that with.

SeaToSki · 02/07/2022 11:36

Nope, everyone has their limits. Can you arrange a playdate for her with a friend who also likes to play pretend?

I would evaluate if you do actually spend a lot of time doing other activities with her, but if you do, then explain that you dont enjoy playing pretend and offer up something else that you will do with her. Its good for children to learn they cant have everything go their own way all the time

coffeecupsandfairylights · 02/07/2022 11:36

Can you set her up with her toys so she can play imaginary games on her own?

DogsAndGin · 02/07/2022 11:36

YANBU. There was an identical post a few weeks ago, and the vast majority of MNers said they also hate role-play.

It sounds like you’re doing absolutely loads with your child, so don’t beat yourself up.

Maybe invite some of her friends around for her to play doctors with.

Tereseta · 02/07/2022 11:37

How old is she? I found it got easier when we could have playdates and she started playing with the other children in our street. It's hard going and not something I find easy but it is important for development. I just let her tell me the script 😂

SolasAnla · 02/07/2022 11:37

You are stuck as "the play friend" as she has no siblings?
You probably need to start organising more play dates.

And if you can "organise" the play so you are the guest sitting on the chair and she is playing around you.

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 11:39

I hate role play as well my 5 year old is constantly asking me to play baby dolls with her and I find it really boring especially as she wants to play for hours 😳 I actually made my own thread about it because I have other children but they don’t ever play together and the older ones don’t want to play with her dolls (2 older boys!) but apparently it’s just my kids and everyone else’s kids play together 🙄 but yes I find role playing games Difficult

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/07/2022 11:39

I think YABU to never play with your child if she doesn’t have any siblings or neighbours to regularly play with. Does she attend school or nursery?

I can understand not wanting to play all the time but I think sometimes we do things we don’t want to do for those we love, surely it wouldn’t be that awful to set aside half an hour to an hour at the weekend to play with her for a bit?

Vikinga · 02/07/2022 11:40

I never did role playing either and when young I I remember doing it with friends and siblings and not my parents. But I have 4 kids and also spent a lot of time with friends and kids.

Do a little bit if she has noone else but maybe arrange some more playdates?

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 11:40

So don’t guarantee having siblings will change it as in my case it hasn’t! I’m still expected to constantly play.

minipie · 02/07/2022 11:41

I absolutely hate this kind of playing, and even if I try, I’m crap at it.

Agree with the playdate suggestion - can you set up regular weekend playdates so she knows she’s got two/three hours of imaginary play coming when friend X comes round?

NoSquirrels · 02/07/2022 11:42

How old is she? I agree that play dates are the ultimate answer to this!

YANBU to not enjoy it. YANBU to put limits on it. YWBU to never do it if she genuinely seems to need it in some way.

Can you think of a way to make it more enjoyable somehow?

Throwawaytoday · 02/07/2022 11:46

I hate role playing games too.

DD5 loves them.

I find it easiest when we have a structure - eg we set out what's going to happen in the game before we start.

Of course, things can change on the hoof, but it makes it more manageable for my very linear brain (no known ND, it's just how I am).

I am also happy spending time on cooking, chatting, arts and crafts, reading, quizzes, board games...just not pretend play.

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 02/07/2022 11:47

I hate that kind of imaginative play too.

you do all sorts of things with her. She can play doctors or dolls on her own, or with other kids.

other parents will choose to do the role play stuff, but won’t be doing other things you do. I’ll climb a tree with the kids or get in a river and splash about. But I’m not sitting there playing at dolls having a tea party or whatever. I’d offer to help set it up but the pretending bit would be over to her.

Jalisco · 02/07/2022 11:48

Imaginative play is critical for healthy development. You are being unreasonable. It may be something you don't like. Get over it. We do lots of things we don't like in life, and putting aside our own discomfort to support our child in growing and developing must be one of them. You don't have to throw yourself into it joyously relishing every moment - she won't notice half-heated play but she will notice that you won't play with her at all. She has noticed. What will she think of you when she gets older I wonder?

UpdateStoleMyProfile · 02/07/2022 11:51

Oh I hear you!

get her some puppets or small world type stuff and tell her to
do a play. You’ll come and be the audience when she’s rehearsed it all. Hopefully she’ll get into both sides of the rôle play with her set of characters and you can have a bit of peace, then grab a drink to watch the play itself where your participation will become applause and cheering.

GrootUnforgiven · 02/07/2022 11:54

I don't think you're unreasonable for saying no, but it's an important part of development, I used to be a daycare manager and

We all have our limits and if this causes a sensory response in yin that you brain shuts down and you struggle to fake it then she'll end up sending that and it's better you give her chances to do this with someone else, play dates, family members, etc.

Walking the dog or general could be turned into role play without you having too much involvement it thinking of a script in the spot, things like pretending the floor is lava and stepping on stuff to get from a to b, or that she's fairy's and send her to "fly" in circles around the trees while you and the dog are her guardian fairy's and keep a look out for the big evil fairy.

My dd is an only child and it doesn't have to mean no role play. I never did any pretend play with my own siblings either. I mostly fought with them.

Because of my job I was used to the role play stuff and I loved it when she asked me to play but she's was equally content playing with her power ranger figures and making story's by herself. She had role play opportunities with people other than me though, but she's got an uncle who just can't play like this and I always told her that when he says no she could ask him to push her on a swing instead or help with a jigsaw because he loves spending time with her but some people find some activities challenging and just because some people find things easy, others don't.

You might find if you aren't her main play mate then she you are asked less and can maybe tolerate it every now and then as it's not as frequent.

eldora · 02/07/2022 11:54

God, no. I can feel my brain turn to mush. It doesn’t make you a bad parent.

This is what friends are for surely.

antipodeansun · 02/07/2022 11:56

The trick is to just let go, get into it. Say wacky things, do whatever you want.
But if you really can't relax into it then yes try to organize playdates

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 02/07/2022 11:58

Jalisco · 02/07/2022 11:48

Imaginative play is critical for healthy development. You are being unreasonable. It may be something you don't like. Get over it. We do lots of things we don't like in life, and putting aside our own discomfort to support our child in growing and developing must be one of them. You don't have to throw yourself into it joyously relishing every moment - she won't notice half-heated play but she will notice that you won't play with her at all. She has noticed. What will she think of you when she gets older I wonder?

All kinds of play are critical for healthy development. Kids can do imaginative play alone - or they can do it at nursery, with friends.

Parents can play to their strengths and interests. Tbh, I suspect a lot little girls get lots of imaginative and creative type play but no one berates their mothers for not climbing trees with them etc. even though that’s as important.

And there’s a very good argument for encouraging independence in play. Helping to set stuff up and then leaving the imagining to them is fine.

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 12:02

Why dont you play with her for a wee length of time?

I work in summer care so I can see it. But you could say il play with you for an hour, x, and then you need to choose something else.

You shouldn't be expected to play all afternoon but she shojldnf be expected to not get to play at all.

Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 02/07/2022 12:05

I nearly lost my mind with this over lockdown with my kids. I ended up setting a time limit (could be as little as 10 minutes!!) And said it was their 'special time', threw myself into whatever they wanted me to do and just really went for it. Then when the time is up they knew it was time for me to go and have a cup of tea and they just got on with it. It honestly saved my sanity.

Anonymouseposter · 02/07/2022 12:08

Doctors is a great role play game if you insist on the patient role and just lie on the sofa!
You need to invite another child round to play if you really can't cope with role play.
If you have to do it go for a very passive role and let her take the lead.

Blossomandbee · 02/07/2022 12:09

Sorry I think it's a bit mean to say an outright no. You could play for a short while you don't have to sit for hours doing it. They often lost interest pretty quickly anyway.
I'm not criticising you, I totally get the being frazzled and I know it can be so repetitive and boring. I think role play and pretend play is important for development and this stage will pass so quickly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread