To not play with my daughter?

[aboutamum]

I will do crafts, the park, baking, colouring, painting, puzzles, reading, etc.

But I have started to say 'no' when I am asked to play doctors, barbies, anything make believe or role play.

The simple fact of the matter is, I cannot mentally cope with it. My brain quite literally shuts down, I'm praying for time to hurry up.

Today she begged me to play doctors all morning so I put a packed lunch together and said right we are going out to walk the dog, she got really excited but then said will I play with her all afternoon when we are home ..... screams

I do literally everything else, I'm a single parent. I don't know why I literally hate playing role play games. She used to be so good at playing on her own with barbies but now she's constantly asking me to play or saying 'you never play with me' I did for a while and shot myself in the foot there as she expects it all the time.

Am I being a bit unreasonable?

If you can't cope with it you need to provide opportunities for imaginative play, it's crucial for development.
In our area there is a stay and play type thing called little town which has a variety of really good set ups, fire station, hospital, school, vets, etc with costumes lots of props and great scenery and furniture etc, there are other children there. Could you take her somewhere like that? DS is an only and whilst I am absolutely fine with that choice you do have to accept you might have to step in where a sibling would sometimes.
I love the role play stuff and so does DH so it's fine with us but I get others aren't keen.

I think it's really sad if your kid really wants to do this with you and you just refuse. You don't have to do it all day every day but if it's something she really enjoys then surely you can suck it up for ten minutes every now and then.

Can you set limits?

I also agree with PPs - role playing is much easier when you are the patient in a game of doctors (just invent whole body injuries); the student in a game of teachers (just nod and do everything teacher says) ; or the customer in a game of restaurants (request hugely complicated meal and then pronounce it lovely but needing more salt). It requires really minimal effort on your part if you don't want to engage further.

It's really not just your kids. I know if quite a lot who don't play with each other either because their interests are different or they fight.

My siblings and I didn't play with each other much, I have a sibling with a very big age gap and I've played like that with her but I did a lot of the physical care of her so my mother could work and our relationship felt more like a parent/child one than peers/siblings.

My sisters own three children play together but always ends in a fight when they can share or one doesn't want to do what the others do the youngest is 4 and the older ones are 12 and 14 and they get told off quite a bit for not including younger one, the older one babysits a lot while my sister works and looks like she is starting to resent having to have her sister being sent to play with her when she's trying to listen to her music, or she has friends round and doesn't want her four your old sister hanging out with her and her friends.

Sil and bils three boys are the same, they'd snatch things from each other and a fight would start. They're adults now and are pretty close but as kids they couldn't play together without a brawl that got pretty dangerous at times too.

Lots of parents at work would comment on how nice it was to see their child happily playing with other kids because their siblings don't really play together at home.

Walking the dog or general could be turned into role play without you having too much involvement it thinking of a script in the spot, things like pretending the floor is lava and stepping on stuff to get from a to b, or that she's fairy's and send her to "fly" in circles around the trees while you and the dog are her guardian fairy's and keep a look out for the big evil fairy.

This is great advice. Doing imaginary games outdoors feels different to Barbies, imo! You could extend this at home by saying something like “Let’s plan a tea party with the teddies/Barbies etc” and then you can use the imaginary game whilst you’re cooking - “You’re a famous TV chef and I’m the kitchen helper” and so by the time you get to the actual ‘making the teddies talk’ bit you’ve already engaged loads and hopefully off the hook for that bit!

Also the setting up a play, getting her to plan out the pretend play so you can watch is great.

How old is she?
Can you do it but only for a limited time? It is mind bendingly boring but it clearly matters to her. Set limits so say "I can play for half an hour then I need to make tea"

Also, once she's started school, play dates and cultivating friendships with other single parents are a good way to solve this.

I used to play for hours with mine but I loved it! I’d play shops, Cinderella, barbies, offices, Lego, dinosaurs. Mine still remember most of it. I don’t think you are unreasonable at all though. My mum didn’t play pretend stuff but like you was more in to baking, craft stuff. It didn’t affect me negatively in any way but then I had my siblings to play make believe stuff with I suppose

I hate it too. But I still do it. I just set a limit - so I'll say yes I'll play cars (or whatever) but just for 30 minutes and then we'll go out or colour etc.

There is a compromise which is a half-assed version. Play second fiddle.

'Mummy, teddy needs an operation!'
'Oh no, what happened?'
'Mummy, I got to put a bandage'
'Why do you need to do that?'

Pretend you are like a rubbish reporter. It's all they really want from you.

These are also all classic ways to engage!

Fwiw, I never played Barbies or any game that required me to talk like the doll/teddy/action figure. I just made it known that was not my thing, sorry kid. But I would do all the above suggestions and engage in outdoor fantasy quest type stuff on walks or whatever.

I blame Bluey for creating unrealistic expectations around role playing. I'm joking but there's a grain of truth in it!

I don't really play either and I think it's fine. Similar to pp I might help them with the game but they do the imagining. Easy ones are game of doctors - I'm the patient and lie down, occasionally calling out "my feet hurt!" etc. Shop or restaurant - I sit down and call out what I want, when they get back I call out something else.

Or just watch their game and talk to them but without playing. "Oh no, the dinosaur missed the bus, what will she do now?.... She'll hop to school will she? That's a good idea, hope she isn't late... What's going to happen now... "

Op, I feel you so deeply on this. Its exactly the same for me. I do everything for my kids but when it comes to role play imaginative play I physically cannot cope. I have such a strong reaction to it. I am not even sure why. My brain can't cope with it.
When I say no though and I am pressed I sometimes can feel quite violent!!! The physical and emotional distress is so real for me!!!
When I've engaged I have literally been playing and the next thing I am physically asleep. My brain actually shuts down. It's the only time it happens.

I don't know why I literally hate playing role play games. Because you are not a child.

She needs play dates. And the bonus is people will return the play date and then you get some child free time!

About 20 minutes was my limit when Gds wanted me to play dinosaurs - me being the scary T Rex. I would then have Very Important Things to do.
Good practice for my Scary Face , though - otherwise used when they were playing up at bedtime. 😈

Another tip, if you do play, set a timer so you know it won't last forever and won't be tempted to keep looking at the time (to make sure it's still moving).

YANBU
I got to a point where I just couldn’t do it anymore when dd was about 3. It literally made me want to scream and run away. She was also very prescriptive in the way we played ie I’ll say this mummy, then you’ll do this …….. it was like she was directing a movie but hadn’t given me the chance to memorise the script and if I got it wrong we’d have to start over again 😂 It’s making me stressed just remembering it.
DD is now a teen. Very bright, super imaginative, not scarred for life by me ‘withholding the opportunity for imaginative play’ 🙄
Do what you need to do, OP. It sounds like you do loads of other things with her, don’t beat yourself up.

I also hate role play and haven’t really done it with my dd because she will do it by herself. However , doctors isn’t too bad- just be the very ill patient who has to lie down

Doctors is a great role play game if you insist on the patient role and just lie on the sofa

Was just going to suggest this (when DD was little, I also used to enjoy her playing at being a masseuse and hairdresser). I'd just sit there while she fannied about wrapping my legs in bog roll.

You say 'I do everything else I'm a single parent'.

I think this has a lot to do with how you feel, namely burned out at times.

This I identify with.

Key was for me, and is now trying to find things that you enjoy doing that might be experienced as play by your LO. And maybe to let some chores go within reason (although these could be play also...) - 'let's make biscuits in the shape of funny faces...' ?

i.e as someone said 'dog walking ....' pretend I'm a dog thing...or let's pretend we're detectives in the supermarket and find the cheapest butter...

May not appeal to you these examples but you might be able to find some of your own.

Going to see the minions film and pretending you are a minion? (this would enable you to have a sit down, a break and a laugh for a few hours and you might be able to keep that going through your everday life...let's speak in minion language...?

Just a thought, one person's idea of imaginary play is very different to another and I don't think you should be judged for it...

'Let's play snuggling up together and sleeping like a bear...' (that's you resting...)

You get the jist...

Mine (only child) had fifteen imaginary friends at one point, and named them all. One day I said 'but I'm not sure how they will all fit on the bus today...' can some of them use their bikes and meet us in town?

I hate role play as well. But seeing as she doesn't have any siblings, I would either force myself to do a small bit every day, or make sure she spends some time with other children every day.

I totally understand as I also dislike it, although I do enjoy the glee she has and the role playing she does with her dolls.

I think to myself 'will I regret this when she's older?' If you think you can look back when her childhood is all gone and say 'I am happy with the things I did with her' then go for it.

Personally I do a bit of role play, but it is minimal. I do a bit because I know if I said no every single time I would feel deep regret down the line because you can't have a do-over.

Make your decision based on this and then stick to it. No point agonising is there.

Having seen your comment, and what I put, made me realise as an only child I role played a lot on my own in my room. So we still get the imaginative play even without siblings.

But my parent did do role play with me but not the way OP is saying. It came in different ways such as bathtime and with them being a monster and things, and that's also role play and I do that a lot as it comes naturally.

IMHE imaginative games need to be encouraged as an active it’s they do on their own. It’s their imagination that needs developing, not mine. They can contour up in their mind all the play mates they need for it in all the roles- and for some children that’s a learnt skill not intuitive.. Sure, if they have another real life playmate to play with it may be fun for a little while but then IME they start squabbling as one child’s imaginative story doesn’t align to another’s.
I think them learning to play on their own is crucial to the whole point of imaginative games - in future it will promote thinking about possible scenarios, being able to fantasies to relieve stress, and alleviate boredom. I think it also has a lot to do with empathy- being able to imagining yourself in someone else’s shoes.
sure, I did do the odd involvement in their games like help set out things, or get them going, and I always provided stuff like dressing up clothes, equipment etc. but I actively encouraged them to use their OWN imagagination to role play their full cast of characters.

Conjur not contour