To not play with my daughter?

[aboutamum]

I will do crafts, the park, baking, colouring, painting, puzzles, reading, etc.

But I have started to say 'no' when I am asked to play doctors, barbies, anything make believe or role play.

The simple fact of the matter is, I cannot mentally cope with it. My brain quite literally shuts down, I'm praying for time to hurry up.

Today she begged me to play doctors all morning so I put a packed lunch together and said right we are going out to walk the dog, she got really excited but then said will I play with her all afternoon when we are home ..... screams

I do literally everything else, I'm a single parent. I don't know why I literally hate playing role play games. She used to be so good at playing on her own with barbies but now she's constantly asking me to play or saying 'you never play with me' I did for a while and shot myself in the foot there as she expects it all the time.

Am I being a bit unreasonable?

Some children are quite intense with it. My eldest has been quite an extreme role player and its exhausting. If you can cope with it you need to make sure she’s got lots of chance to do those games with peers. School was a blessing as she could do her elaborate games all day with willing participants. When you’re 4 is much easier to be a dog for 3 hours than when you’re a grown up with other stuff to do.

Very unpopular opinion but you could let her watch toy channels on Youtube? There are some fairly wholesome ones that are dedicated to role playing. Tiny Treasures and Toys is one where the voiceovers are really tolerable and doesn't sound like nails on a chalkboard (like CookieSwirlC). It sort of satisfies the urge for role-playing and also provides creative inspiration, similar to watching new recipe videos if you like cooking.

If the videos are running while you are in the room, you inevitable pick up some ideas of how to talk and narrate. Lots of comments here from people who claim they are "crap" at role playing with toys and thus hate it, but those videos actually provide fairly decent scripts to follow. At some point you can probably drone out commentary in the same way.

I'd force yourself to do 15 minutes a day whatever she likes. Set a timer if you need to.

If you feel you're doing too much, do less of the other stuff?

How old is your DD? I think imaginative play is pretty important, and if she has no other child to play with you should really make an effort to play with her no matter how mundane you find it. Sorry.

Yes you are, it is so important for them and it's how they learn, I HATED it too, I'd set a timer of 20-30 minutes and after that they were happy.

I really wouldn't worry about it too much, I struggled to role play with my ds, the same as you I did it but never really enjoyed it. Yet at 10 he's very imaginative, still loves creative imaginary play, loves musical theatre, dressing up, writing little stories and reading. So it doesn't seem to have stunted his creativity in any way.
I think parents these days are subjected to a lot more guilt than they'd have had in previous generations.

God I hated playing.

i didn’t mind get cooking me a meal in the toy kitchen or brushing my hair playing hair dressers - but only because I love having my hair touched

I feel your pain. I had one DS, no sibling or cousins around. I had to find something to play that I didn't lose my mind over-- "restaurant" was one game that I could find fun, talking about the food to serve and the people at the tables. When he could finally play board games, I would have him move for me and count the spaces back and forth, so at least I felt it was a little enriched.

For the love of god play with your child when asked doesn’t matter weather you like it or not it’s really beneficial to a child’s development to cater all areas of play
i think maybe seek help if you can’t try early help hub or something

Don't feel bad, role play is sooo tedious. I only ever managed 5 mins max, and I used to get it wrong apparently. My DC eventually gave up asking me.

Playdates are the best.

Our parents' generation never bothered about this.

Imaginative/role play is where kids need each other! Most adults can't be bothered with it. Kids of a certain age need to play with each other

Keep doing what you are doing, crafts, baking, games etc. Try and organise play dates or provide opportunities where she can interact with peers for the role play.

IIt can always be turned into role play by setting the scene and giving her a character/quest to achieve.

Have you met any 5 year olds? They don't let you "set the scene" or direct the play, and that's what makes it hard/annoying.

It's "NO mummy, you have to be the pupil and I am teaching you. Not like that! No mummy. Like this. No say this instead. You're getting it all wrong".

Well aren't you super mum

Did that last sentence really strike you as a helpful thing for OP hear right now?

I heard some child development expert on the radio once saying you don't need to play with your children and shouldn't feel you should, it's of no benefit to them. Throughout human history and across every culture parents have NEVER played with their children. It's just something done in recent times by middle class parents in western countries and they don't enjoy it, they only do it because they think they should. He said, role play is they chance for children to practice life skills and to take charge. When parents play with children, they start directing play, even when they think the child is leading. Children should copy what adults do, not the other way around.

You have a free pass OP don't do it and don't feel guilty 😊

YABU nobody likes 'pretend ' play but being a decent parent means being able to put your child first

😆😆 I love the mumsnet drama, seek help because you don't spend hours each day playing doctors with your dc?
Op sounds like a perfectly good parent but you know, don't let that stand in the way of a good froth will you?

Yes yabu , you will help her development

Maybe letting your child learn to play alone is putting them first. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry, I'm not reading the thread, but I skimmed it and agree that playdates are your friend. If you really hate pretend play then make sure she's getting it elsewhere.

I hated pretend play. I'd do a tiny bit then stop. I'm not a single parent; I had no excuse, but unfortunately I am just a shit mum. What I did do was to tweak it. Can you make up a story together? She starts telling you what happens, then you swap, and you go on together. Or can you be her 'writer' while she acts it all out with her toys, and you record it? I found it all much more manageable when I got to have some say in the way the 'pretend' bit worked. And honestly, I am pretty sure this is better developmentally. If you just say 'yes darling, now I am the nurse/train driver/ firelady! Hello doctor/passenger/man in a burning building!' then surely you are not really stretching their imagination?

Yabu it's part of being a parent and it's a relatively short phase.

Isn’t this idea that you have to play with your kids pretty culturally specific to basically the west from the mid to late 20th century.

Anyway. Role play is truly deadly. I agree with those who say it makes their brain shut down and even causes them to feel physically violent. Not really an exaggeration.

No, it's not - this is a myth that became quite widespread, and is part of the fallacy that 'childhood' is a modern invention. People have done pretend play with their children for centuries and all across the globe. But that doesn't mean we have to do it in a rigid, boring way, and it certainly doesn't mean we can't outsource it to other children!

I’m not really aware of any idea that childhood didn’t exist. That’s not one I’ve heard.

Here’s an interesting article even though you may not agree with all of it slate.com/human-interest/2019/03/parent-child-pretend-play-expectations.html

It just seems like for my parents and grandparents there wouldn’t have been a lot of need for their parents to play pretend with them because they always had other kids to play with and they became free range much much younger (not saying there weren’t bad things about their childhoods obviously or that it was idyllic or something). Playing with your parents doesn’t feature in any stories I’ve read. I watched a documentary about hunter gatherer children and again this feature was not apparent - mind you the whole thing didn’t really map on to our understanding of play, work, leisure and life generally….I could maybe think of more but anyway I do find it tough to believe that it’s really a myth!

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Imaginative play can be turned into learning opportunities.

Playing doctors - bring in parts of the body and their correct names, bring in health related topics “oh you have rotten teeth, someone hadn’t been brushing properly!”

playing shops - maths, money management

playing Butcher - from field to abattoir to slab to plate

playing Barbies - teaching bullying, boundaries and social skills

playing cops and robbers - teaching what happens if you nick a mars bar from Tesco (nothing), teaching what happens if you don’t pay your tv license - PRISON!

I wish my dd was into imaginative playing when she was younger. She has no imagination whatsoever 😂. She only wanted to do active , physical playing which I didn’t enjoy most of the time. But I forced myself to do it until we moved and she found a group of friends to do all that stuff with when she was about 4. Thank goodness 😂