To not play with my daughter?

[aboutamum]

I will do crafts, the park, baking, colouring, painting, puzzles, reading, etc.

But I have started to say 'no' when I am asked to play doctors, barbies, anything make believe or role play.

The simple fact of the matter is, I cannot mentally cope with it. My brain quite literally shuts down, I'm praying for time to hurry up.

Today she begged me to play doctors all morning so I put a packed lunch together and said right we are going out to walk the dog, she got really excited but then said will I play with her all afternoon when we are home ..... screams

I do literally everything else, I'm a single parent. I don't know why I literally hate playing role play games. She used to be so good at playing on her own with barbies but now she's constantly asking me to play or saying 'you never play with me' I did for a while and shot myself in the foot there as she expects it all the time.

Am I being a bit unreasonable?

Would recommend you read Philippa Perry's book you wish your parents had read. She explains why play is so crucial for your child and your relationship with them

But the OP IS playing with her DD. She just hates the role play stuff.

She probably spends hours playing with it facilitating play for her daughter every day.

Playing with dolls isn’t the only kind of play that’s valuable to children.

Invite a play date, so she has someone else to play with.

I try to play to my strengths and outsource the other aspects of parenting - similar to life in general. If you hate cleaning, get a cleaner. Hate DIY, ask a friend/tradesperson. I hate taking the bins out, get another family member to do it if they don't mind.

I outsource the imaginative play to child's friends, messy play to nursery, baking to Grandma, rough housing (equally important for development) to my husband and piano lessons to the piano teacher. I take on reading stories, swimming, networking for (and hosting) play dates, days out, playing football in the park etc.

No-one can do everything and especially if you're a single parent.

Just realised that sounds like I never look after my kids....I do! I love playing with them (it's why I work part time).

I hated that kind of play too. I would only play doctors if I could be the patient and nap on the sofa while the dc tended to me. If playing Disney Princess I was always sleeping beauty. 😀Like you op I played to my strengths, reading, storytelling, and some art and craft, colouring etc, and I have a fabulous relationship with my now adult children.

I don't think you are, no. I never played with mine either. I did the other things you do, particularly reading. I read to them for hours. They're now 20s/30s, excellent social skills, good careers, kept a love of books, and well read with extensive vocabularies as a consequence. I'd say they're pretty indistinguishable from children who were played with! Give yourself a break OP, regardless of how people present themselves on here, no one does every single thing that's recommended for child development. Yet funnily enough, children develop.

I'm sure she does if she has a book to sell on the subject. No doubt its 'a good thing' but I can guarantee from my own experience its not 'crucial' to play with your children, either for your relationship with them or their development.

You can turn anything into role play. Hide and seek = catching the shark. Walking the dog = going on a bear hunt. Baking biscuits = baking biscuits for a tea party (sorry but you’ll have to have a tea party at that point). You get the idea. Teddy bears hospital can be done with a cheap dr kit and toilet roll bandages. Robot building can be done with some boxes and tin foil - but you’re making a queen robot or something. It can always be turned into role play by setting the scene and giving her a character/quest to achieve.

I'm the same as you. Anything arts & crafts, jigsaws, board games I'm all for. But my brain can't cope with make-believe play. I don't have the imagination for it. Playing doctors is probably the easiest though because you can just put it back on her, "What happened? What will we do? I'll put a bandage on." Etc. Barbie and teddy play can fuck off though.

For what it's worth, my mum tried to do role/imagination play with me as a child. I wasn't interested then either. I don't think it matters that much.

I did used to do it, but I know what you mean.

Do you have family local? This tends to be where grandparents can shine. Often they don’t have the huge mental load that mums have and are more able to lose themselves in the game. My grandfather used to play dens and missions with us for hours and my mum will now play imaginative games with mine (well my youngest who is now 8).

It’s also what play dates are for!

No, you're not being unreasonable at all. You do other activities with your daughter; you don't have to do absolutely everything with her. Children need to learn to play by themselves.

I HATE it. My brain shuts down too. I have 4 though, all v close in age so luckily the problem is solved. That honestly was part of the reason I had so many!
Put a time limit on it, and at the end excuse yourself. Or incorporate you leaving into the game. Like “oh no, Im being transferred to a different hospital now to have an operation somewhere else, you have a new patient now (hand over a teddy)”

I have 4 close in age and they don’t play together so it’s not a given.

Did your parents play with you as a child? I can’t remember mine playing with me even once, and I’m not sure whether it’s one of the reasons I despise playing role play games.

YANBU, I’m a single parent too to an only child and like you said, I’m happy to craft, paint, do anything else but sit there with dolls putting on silly voices. But sometimes it has to be done and I will do it. DD is six now and she usually asks me to colour with her instead.

I’ve seen studies that say children need 2/3 sessions of 15 minutes totally undisturbed time with you to be happy. Set a timer and let her know you’ll play for a set time but then you have to do work or housework or whatever you need to get done.

I think you need to grit your teeth and play some make believe. I was like you, I hated make believe tea parties and other pretend play as I just couldn’t get my brain into that space. But I did do it and I put in the effort to make them nice playtimes but was very thankful when we could stop. You don’t have to oblige every time but it would be right to do it some of the time.

Do you have anywhere locally that you could take her that has imaginative play, similar to this?
www.littlecityuk.com
She might play with other children there then so she can still do the role play but wouldn’t be reliant on you.

I thought children can do this alone and better if they do?!

it sounds like you are doing loads with her OP. Just set it up and let her get on.

Also she does need to learn to entertain herself, you don’t have to do things with her all the time.

I think YABU. Your brain doesn't literally shut down really, does it? Praying for time to speed up just means you're bored, which is a pretty normal feeling which most peoplego throughfrom time to time. Of course pkaying children's games can be boring, but adults should surely be able to tolerate a bit of boredom? Not wanting to do something, or even hating doing it, is not the same as not being mentally able to do it!

I DO play role play with her but admittedly it's not everyday, I do have to say no sometimes. Today we've been out all day and I explained I have some chores to do and prepare our dinner then I will sit down and play doctors for a little while.

It's just she asks me when im busy or doing something, she will go on and on at me which makes me not want to do it if that makes sense. I hate being nagged, by anyone for anything.

I do A LOT with my child, & sometimes im just too bloody exhausted to force any play time out of me.

YANBU! I was really good at crafts, board games, books, sport, chatting etc etc but I could not cope with playing 'teddies' or whatever.

I'd do it occasionally but within a set timeframe. I tried not to do the half hearted thing when you are only half playing with them. If I played with them then I gave them my full attention. (Mostly!)

My kids played make believe with each other.

This book might be of interest it is about women playing

www.amazon.com/Gift-Play-Adult-Playing-Again/dp/0595234267

A couple od generations ago.. no way wd a mother feel obliged to do this..

God no, you do enough.Never did it with any of mine but we did lots of other stuff, role play sent me quietly demented. So no. Not for me.