Invite entire year 1 class to party bar 3 pupils?

[Mummybear888]

My daughter is moving up to Year 1 in September and the school have mixed the classes up.

I want to throw her a Birthday party but don't know if I should invite the entire class (17 kids)? There are about 3 boys that she doesn't like (they're not nice to her). Aibu inviting everyone but those 3??

Also, there are a 4 people from her old reception class that she would like to invite.

I could do girls only but it will be a shame, as there are some nice boys in her class.

Thank you in advance!

It's because out of a class of 28, just two of us weren't invited. The other 25 weren't all hugely close to the birthday child.

Would that not make the birthday girl feel that the bullies feelings are more important than hers?
Its not bullying them back,its putting your child before 3 nasty little kids who are making her life not very nice at the moment! If she feels uncomfortable about them being there, and doesn't want them there, why should they be invited?

Agree, this was also me aged 6/7 and I still remember it now, in particular all the other kids in my class talking excitedly about the party and the birthday girl saying to me “you’re not invited because I don’t like you”. Fair enough she didn’t like me, but I wasn’t a nasty child (maybe a bit annoying) and I didn’t deserve that, it was an absolutely horrible feeling as a child.

I can’t believe the previous poster is asking why a young child might be upset about not being invited when almost everyone else in the class was, even if they weren’t particularly close!!

“Nasty little kids”? They’re 5 or 6 ffs, and nowhere does the OP mention bullying.

Fgs. Nobody said they are bullies (apart from PP)

This. I'm not sure children that age have the capacity for sustained bullying and there is a range of misbehaviour (including some 'mean' behaviour towards peers) which is quite common for children that age. It doesn't mean that the children in question are going to turn into unpleasant little shits or that they should be excluded. It means that the adults around them should be extra-proactive in supervising them and modelling kind and considerate behaviour (and intervening firmly if necessary).

I have dealt with misbehaving children on numerous occasions. My own DS has also misbehaved more times than I care to remember. There has only ever been one child I haven't invited back for behavioural reasons (violent/destructive on numerous occasions and parents didn't intervene). And it is difficult to know for sure, but I'm not aware that my DS has ever been excluded because his behaviour has been less than perfect either. Most people accept that children are children, they're still learning and they have their moments.

You're right.

I work in a setting with children this age as I said and yesterday I dealt wiht hysterical tears for nearly 40 minutes because someone had taken THEIR particular colour of football (it wasn't, they belong to the school and the fact that there was 6 other identical footballs and that it was just being used because said child was in a different room seemed to pass them by).

I have met numerous small children who claim someone is "mean" because they won't do what they want them to do, play their game, follow their rules, do a certain thing.

Like with you, they're learning. I assume OP's daughter behaves impeccably at all times.

How many boys are in the class? I would just invite whoever your DD wanted to.

No that's mean

It makes you worse than them.as you're supposed to be the grown up.

Wow did not realise this question would get so many responses!

Thanks for all those who gave useful advice.

I think I will just let my daughter decide who she wants to invite to her party. I think it's important to teach forgiveness but at the same time, I don't want her to be a walkover and appease everyone, like mentioned in previous comments.

@beautyisthefaceisee

Not once did I mention my daughter behaved impeccably at all times. I never claimed by child was perfect. I was simply asking a question to get some advice

I’ve never understood this inviting the whole class thing no matter what. Tell your DD how many children she’s allowed to invite and let her choose. It is HER party after all.

Invite the ones she likes, the boys she doesn’t get on with don’t need to be invited. It’s not compulsory to invite everyone, would you invite people from work who you didn’t get on with?

Is anyone else finding it hard to believe that in a class of 17 there are 3 mean boys? Is this a private school with a history of being girls only that has recently gone co-ed?

@dundies Not hard at all! I have a class of 30, and I'd say that out of that 30, there are 6 'mean' children (4 boys and 2 girls). When young children use the word 'mean' it's often not in the way we would...but they still feel that those children are in some way 'not nice' so say 'mean'.

Back to the OP...I say this every time there's a 'whole class party' thread. Why do you feel the need to invite everyone? It's not necessary! No child plays with, or likes, every child in their class!! Just invite your child's friends for goodness sake! 🤷‍♀️

@Mummybear888 I was going to suggest you rethink the whole class at soft play party, but it looks as though you are going to rejig your plans.

Soft play is excruciating when you pay per head and a large chunk of the people who accepted and you have paid for, just don't turn up. (Ask me how I know...) Far better to invite a group of about 12 who your DD really likes and usually plays with, they are more likely to attend and it saves you the angst of inviting kids your DD doesn't like.

Wow so teachers do identify and label "mean" 5 year olds 🥺

Only shit ones

YY to that.

OP, was I right that this is a private school that has recently gone co-ed that's suffering from its legacy culture of being girls only?

If they're not nice to your daughter, don't invite them, simple.

Who cares about their feelings, if theye not nice children then thru have themselves to blame, plus it's your daughters party, why would she want people thst are not nice to her there?

All this pink and fluffiness has gone too far.

You're not excluding them, their shittu behaviour towards your daughter excludes themselves