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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invite entire year 1 class to party bar 3 pupils?

119 replies

Mummybear888 · 02/07/2022 10:02

My daughter is moving up to Year 1 in September and the school have mixed the classes up.

I want to throw her a Birthday party but don't know if I should invite the entire class (17 kids)? There are about 3 boys that she doesn't like (they're not nice to her). Aibu inviting everyone but those 3??

Also, there are a 4 people from her old reception class that she would like to invite.

I could do girls only but it will be a shame, as there are some nice boys in her class.

Thank you in advance!

OP posts:
strawberrycustard · 02/07/2022 13:59

Invite who your dd wants to invite. It’s good she can identify those who make her feel uncomfortable and let you know. Why should she have to socialise with anyone who makes her feel bad

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 02/07/2022 14:04

I think you can absolutely exclude 3 children that aren’t nice to her, she should have who she wants at her party.

I have children that age and there hasn’t been one whole-class party, it’s usually around 20 out of 30 that are invited from the class then a few other friends from other classes or schools. It’s fine. My kids know they are invited to some and not others depending on who they are closer friends with. No way I’d be inviting anyone that was consistently unkind, even if they are only 5 they are old enough to know how to be kind most of the time.

WhereTheLightMeetsTheSea · 02/07/2022 14:05

I wouldn’t feel at all bad about not inviting 3 children that are not nice to your daughter. We did similar, there were 4 children in my child’s class that were horrible to a lot of children including mine so we didn’t invite them. Your priority is your daughter having a good party.

Jellybean23 · 02/07/2022 14:13

If your daughter was invited to a party for one of these three boys and she didn't want to go, would you make her go? I hope not. So why invite them to your d's party if they aren't nice to her?

How will these boys learn if there aren't consequences?

SpotlessMind88 · 02/07/2022 14:14

Don't invite the bullies. Its Your daughter's birthday and she is entitled to invite whoever she wants. I certainly wouldn't be inviting people i didn't like to my birthday and i'm 33.
fuck the bullies. Maybe they're learn if they're nice they will get invited to parties. If they're horrible no one will want to be their friend

SantaMonicaPier · 02/07/2022 14:14

Please don't leave three children out. This was me and another girl 35 years ago. I never understood why and it still hurts when I remember the upset and humiliation.

bellac11 · 02/07/2022 14:19

SantaMonicaPier · 02/07/2022 14:14

Please don't leave three children out. This was me and another girl 35 years ago. I never understood why and it still hurts when I remember the upset and humiliation.

Were you close friends with the other child whose birthday it was?

If you were then thats not comparable to this situation and I can understand why that must have felt uncomfortable

If you didnt like her/she didnt like you then why would you be upset and humiliated?

Runningslow · 02/07/2022 14:19

I wouldn’t invite them, and I don’t see why you should exclude others who she gets on with just so it’s not obvious. If anyone asks why they weren’t invited, just say that they act as though they don’t like your daughter. No need to mention bullying.

Icecreamsodaloda · 02/07/2022 14:20

I think it's fine, actions have consequences even at five, and why should the nice children miss out on their invite just so the nasty ones don't feel bad? I'd do it but advise her it wouldn't be kind to chat about it in class.

Runningslow · 02/07/2022 14:21

steppemum · 02/07/2022 13:57

There is a simple rule with class parties

Ask half or ask them all.
The only exception is if you have girls only.

It is really unfair to exclude a couple. But I firmly believe that she shouldn't have to have them there if she doesn't like them.
So I would set a number, invite some from each class, make sure that it isn't just 2-3 excluded

I’m sorry, but this is bollocks.

hookiewookie29 · 02/07/2022 14:22

GettingEnoughMoonshine · 02/07/2022 10:40

Yanbu
. Don't even consider inviting her bullies to her party. Could easily ruin it.
They need to learn they can't bully and expect to be invited to their birthday party!

Exactly this! I don't care how old they are, they know they're not being nice to her. My daughter was bullied, I saw what it did to her and hell would freeze over before they ever got a party invite. It's her party,her choice.

daisypond · 02/07/2022 14:22

I wouldn’t ever do a whole class party. They aren’t a thing where I am. She gets to invite special friends only. My rough rule of thumb is the age of the child, plus one. So a five-year-old can invite six people.

flutterbybabycakes · 02/07/2022 14:26

She shouldn't have to spend any time around people who bully her. That could be very damaging.

Loics · 02/07/2022 14:32

hookiewookie29 · 02/07/2022 14:22

Exactly this! I don't care how old they are, they know they're not being nice to her. My daughter was bullied, I saw what it did to her and hell would freeze over before they ever got a party invite. It's her party,her choice.

Show quote history

Agreed. The only reason I'd be wary of not inviting them isn't for the sake of the bullies' feelings (if they don't want to feel left out... Don't bully others), but that it might make them be meaner to your DD.

Marvellousmadness · 02/07/2022 14:33

Inviting the entire class.... but 3.
Sounds like a great way to make new enemies friends

SeemsSoUnfair · 02/07/2022 14:33

There was one boy in ds's class at that age that never got invited to parties and the turn out at his own party was poor due to the other boys not "liking" him.

It really was a real shame, the boy was more than a bit highly strung, still learning social niceties and about friendships as he very obviously (from interactions I saw with his parents) wasn't getting it at home. dh was given the job of keeping a discrete eye on him during ds's party, just in case, and he needed to redirect/distract either him or the kids around him a couple of times but dh came back and said he was actually a really sweet little boy (sought dh out and gave him a cuddle when leaving).

By the time the boy hit P3-4 he had settled down a lot, we had him over a couple of times and they played together well. tbh I think those parents that excluded just him, at such a young age, from full class parties should be ashamed of themselves.

Footbal · 02/07/2022 14:34

Oh your that parent 😏

3peassuit · 02/07/2022 14:40

I think it’s unkind to exclude 3 children from a whole class party even if they have not been nice. I would do half the class plus the 4 others if I were in your shoes.

WhereTheLightMeetsTheSea · 02/07/2022 14:41

Footbal · 02/07/2022 14:34

Oh your that parent 😏

One that prioritises my own children’s happiness and comfort at their birthday party, over children that aren’t nice...yes, I’m very happy to be that parent. 😇

Dancingwithhyenas · 02/07/2022 14:50

It is unreasonable yes, unquestionably.

Invite a smaller group from school and the other children too if you don’t want to do whole class.

bridgetreilly · 02/07/2022 14:54

Nope. Tell her she can have e.g. 12 people in total, including any she wants to invite from reception.

Runningslow · 02/07/2022 14:57

Dancingwithhyenas · 02/07/2022 14:50

It is unreasonable yes, unquestionably.

Invite a smaller group from school and the other children too if you don’t want to do whole class.

Please explain why friends shouldn’t be invited to make it less obvious that the mean boys aren’t.

Tillsforthrills · 02/07/2022 14:58

The 5/6 year olds may as well get used to the bitchy cutthroat parents of their contemporaries going forward.

Luckily we never had ‘problem’ children or who knows if they were sometimes naughty and other parents heard about it and took it with a punch of salt, but I can imagine how devastating it is to be a parent to an excluded child.

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 02/07/2022 14:59

I had this issue so just hired a hall and invited the whole year group and mean kids I planned to watch them like a hawk and if anything happened I was going to request they left the party if they could not be nice lucky for me they never came

Tillsforthrills · 02/07/2022 15:02

5 year old is mean to another 5/6 year old due to have a birthday party.

Mum then bullies them back by excluding him/them from a class party.

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