Invite entire year 1 class to party bar 3 pupils?

[Mummybear888]

My daughter is moving up to Year 1 in September and the school have mixed the classes up.

I want to throw her a Birthday party but don't know if I should invite the entire class (17 kids)? There are about 3 boys that she doesn't like (they're not nice to her). Aibu inviting everyone but those 3??

Also, there are a 4 people from her old reception class that she would like to invite.

I could do girls only but it will be a shame, as there are some nice boys in her class.

Thank you in advance!

I don’t reward my child for bad behaviour or suggest they are walked over.

I didn’t encourage them to hold on to grudges at the age of 6 or to dish out revenge in the form of birthday invites. It’s massively unhealthy and just fucking weird, actually. I have taught children whose parents encourage them to behave as you have described. They become part of the problem.

Just invite the half the class she gets on with best.

Excluding just three young kids would be horrible.

If you are absolutely certain that the boys are mean, then I'd exclude them.

To look at it another way, if you invite only a small group then you will excluding another group of children who will miss out on the chance of a party as they are less popular. As the mother of a kind and gentle (but very shy) DC I think my DC often misses out on parties because of things like this.

This!

It's either all or a small group.

@Maximo2

WTAF are you on about. Good for you for raising your kids well, but you're a bit bonkers to think teaching kids to stand up for themselves makes them bitter grudge bearers. Quite the opposite😂

Not via the school you shouldn't, if you are going to exclude dc you need to invite direct to the parents, it would be inappropriate to either as the teacher to hand the invites out or for your dd to hand out in class.

However, I would also say it is not right to exclude 3 dc, that is awful. I would just do girls only or whole class.

Gosh, just invite who you want to. Don't feel obliged to invite kids she doesn't like. At that age don't the teachers just put invitations in book bags/trays, rather than giving them out in front of everyone else at home time anyway?

Double standards on here again though. You'd all be up in arms if a girl had the words 'be kind' on her T-shirt. Inviting everyone, despite the fact that the child doesn't like them, would be 'being kind', which is apparently a huge no-no.

How exactly have they been mean to her?

My DC have had great friendships with kids they didn’t get on with at that age, by year 6 best mates ever.

I'm not in England but is year 1 age 5?

I'm not sure 4 or 5 year old boys have the capacity to be "not nice". I'm sure they can be annoying, or don't do what she wants them to do (I say this from experience working with that age group in a summer setting) but unless they are outright bullying her, then yes you are being unfair.

I definitely wouldn't invite them. They bully your daughter so why would you invite them to her party? It's not mean at all, I would be more than happy to explain to their parents why they aren't invited if the issue was raised.
Everyone saying its mean needs to realise that you are your daughters only advocate, she looks to you to keep her safe and feeling secure, that means making her party a safe, fun, secure time for her, to invite her bullies just so you don't seem mean is doing a disservice to your daughter.

I wouldn't think twice about not inviting kids, that are unkind to my child to their party.

I've raised my children to be kind and thoughtful towards others, but never at their own expense!

You sound delightful So classy

OP literally said they're not nice to her!

Have you spoken to school about the boys behaviour towards your daughter. That would have been the way to deal with it.

You can't call 5/6yr olds bullies. Invite them and be kind. If you see any behaviour from them that isn't nice you can deal with it or ask their parents to take them home.

@ThePumpkinPatch
& you are very ignorant & not great with knowing how to deal with difficult people, if think the only way to pull people up on shitty behaviour, is by behaving like a classless screaming banshee. Trust me it's far more effective when done politely

Im absolutely amazed at some of these answers, all this 'its unkind' bullshit

Surely children should have people at their party that they like and they get on with. Whatever label you give these 3 boys, she clearly doesnt get on with them, why on earth would they be at her birthday party.

@ThePumpkinPatch, you might want to get yourself over to the feminist boards, because you seem very stuck in the past about girls speaking up for themselves & might want to address that thinking, for your own sake & for the sake of any daughters you have

I seem to have missed the post where OP says the 3 boys are bullying her DD?

OP if these boys are actually bullying, then take it up with the school and the parents.

However, if it’s just that your DD doesn’t like them so much then of course you can’t invite the whole class and leave them out. That would be excluding them which, as I am sure you know, is itself a form of bullying.

Of course you don't have to invite children that are horrible to your daughter. Why would you?! If the parents ask just tell them.

There is a simple rule with class parties

Ask half or ask them all.
The only exception is if you have girls only.

It is really unfair to exclude a couple. But I firmly believe that she shouldn't have to have them there if she doesn't like them.
So I would set a number, invite some from each class, make sure that it isn't just 2-3 excluded

Are most of the children you are inviting in her current class?