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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invite entire year 1 class to party bar 3 pupils?

119 replies

Mummybear888 · 02/07/2022 10:02

My daughter is moving up to Year 1 in September and the school have mixed the classes up.

I want to throw her a Birthday party but don't know if I should invite the entire class (17 kids)? There are about 3 boys that she doesn't like (they're not nice to her). Aibu inviting everyone but those 3??

Also, there are a 4 people from her old reception class that she would like to invite.

I could do girls only but it will be a shame, as there are some nice boys in her class.

Thank you in advance!

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 02/07/2022 11:19

I agree that not inviting 3 children is not really on. Since you mention "her old Reception class" - I assume there are more than 2 classes in the year, so just invite a mix of people from her old class and her new class.

At this age, it's hard to work out whether "not being nice to her" is all the time, or just sometimes, and whether it is deliberate or just because they are 5 year olds who haven't yet learnt how to behave. If they were actually bullying her, I'd agree it was ok to exclude them.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/07/2022 11:23

Leaving just 3 kids out isn't nice. You say they weren't nice to her but leaving them out isn't nice either. There is quite a range of what makes a kid not nice at that age. They're only wee and still learning. If your DD is having issue with others in the class it should be adressed through the school though.

acornpattern · 02/07/2022 11:24

It certainly happens a lot but I think it's an unkind thing to do to leave out just 3 in the class.

eldora · 02/07/2022 11:24

No way would I include 5 x little shits who aren’t nice to her.

eldora · 02/07/2022 11:25

Excuse me, 3 x little shits.

DasGirl · 02/07/2022 11:26

Your DD shouldn't have to have people at her party she doesn't like.
But no you can't invite whole class except 3.

So set a number, say 12, and let her choose whoever she wants

hellosummeritsme · 02/07/2022 11:34

Perfectly fine to exclude people, there's no way I would invite people who my DD didn't get on with!

DogsAndGin · 02/07/2022 11:34

YANBU. Invite who you and DD want to invite. I think it’s bizarre that people are suggesting you invite three kids who are horrid to your DD. Obviously they will ruin the party.

They will learn an important lesson by not being invited. And they would learn a lesson if you do invite them - that they can bully their way through life and not have any repercussions.

balalake · 02/07/2022 11:35

It should not be for the child to tell the three unpleasant boys why they are not invited, hence my suggestion you have prepared what to say to their parents if they ask.

Parents should know if their child is anti-social or unpleasant.

Vikinga · 02/07/2022 11:37

Year 1 kids get invited to so many parties so only invite the ones your DD likes. If they're not friends or nice to your dd why should they be invited?

Jennybeans401 · 02/07/2022 11:38

I really think it causes animosity if you don't invite everyone, it might even help things.

Merryoldgoat · 02/07/2022 11:41

I agree with the majority and excluding three from a full class isn’t fair.

I’d have a good eye on them though and would be on bad behaviour very promptly.

DomPerignon12 · 02/07/2022 11:44

Exclude them. It’s their fault for being mean and nasty. And tell the parents why if asked.

Or you could invite them but kick them out if they behave badly.

Tothepoint99 · 02/07/2022 11:47

RockinHorseShit · 02/07/2022 10:19

Is that what you do? Go up to people, and tell them the error of their ways to their faces?

Actually yes I do, it's very liberating, you should try itWink

Who said to instruct the DC to tell them, not me, but no harm in telling the boys when asked, that they weren't invited because they were mean to her. Even a six year old can manage that if they choose too

😃 I might try it at my age!

clpsmum · 02/07/2022 11:49

I could never exclude just three children it's really not nice. Come on you are the adult here and setting examples

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/07/2022 11:49

Smaller group or all of them.

Excluding 3 kids is an awful way to behave.

Maximo2 · 02/07/2022 11:51

RockinHorseShit · 02/07/2022 10:19

Is that what you do? Go up to people, and tell them the error of their ways to their faces?

Actually yes I do, it's very liberating, you should try itWink

Who said to instruct the DC to tell them, not me, but no harm in telling the boys when asked, that they weren't invited because they were mean to her. Even a six year old can manage that if they choose too

You are bringing up your child to be a spiteful person who bears grudges. How can that be a good idea?

OnaBegonia · 02/07/2022 11:53

I wouldn't invite them, why teach your DD that she has to appease nasty ppl?
It's 3 you're leaving out not one.

britneyisfree · 02/07/2022 11:54

I wouldn't want them there. Since people are saying you should invite them Id speak to their parents raise the issue and ask them what they think should happen.

They'd have to agree to moderate their child's behaviour towards your child to avoid the risk of the party being ruined.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/07/2022 11:55

Are these 3 boys from her new class? Can you just invite everyone from her old class or were they also in the old one? And when is the party?

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/07/2022 11:56

britneyisfree · 02/07/2022 11:54

I wouldn't want them there. Since people are saying you should invite them Id speak to their parents raise the issue and ask them what they think should happen.

They'd have to agree to moderate their child's behaviour towards your child to avoid the risk of the party being ruined.

This sounds like the ideal solution and something, I may have thought to do in the past. Unfortunately not all parents will take kindly to this.

lamaze1 · 02/07/2022 11:57

I'd just not invite the kids she doesn't get on with. It's a good lesson in boundaries and not simply being a people pleaser. Also at that age the kids are not completely clueless and do know when they're being nasty.

RockinHorseShit · 02/07/2022 11:58

You are bringing up your child to be a spiteful person who bears grudges. How can that be a good idea?

Seriously, that's what you took from my post😂, do you reward your own kids for bad behaviour & do you teach them to be a walk over?

My now adult DD is anything but spiteful, but she's clever & pretty & as a result she's been on the receiving end of spiteful bullying behaviour from year dot, do I teach her to just accept that? Sod that. FTR even her school reports reflect time & again what a kind, thoughtful & forgiving human she is. She takes no shit anymore though & why should she🤷🏻‍♀️

AquaticSewingMachine · 02/07/2022 12:01

Just have 10-12 kids she actually likes? Job done. I've never done a whole class party, I just invited the kids my DC liked and regularly played with.

DelosParks · 02/07/2022 12:03

There is a difference between being a walkover and accepting poor treatment from others and instructing a six year old to tell three boys who aren't nice to her that they aren't invited to a party.