To not give something away to someone without manners?

[ChangedForThisCause]

Put something on FB for free.

Man comments 'I can pick it up now'

Sends DM asking for address.
. No please or thankyou. Brand new, sealed item that would be £25 ish.

AIBU to wait and see if anyone else messages and at leasts uses manners?

No, someone had already asked me that.

I get this, OP. Here's my version of the same situation: A few years ago, DH and I were doing a car boot sale. We had lots of kids toys and books, all perfect quality, and I was looking after that side of our stall. I had nipped to the loo when an expensively dressed, yummy mummy type asked my husband for the price of some books. He gave a guesstimate, but said I would be back in a sec to confirm. I came back, counted the books, and the total was slightly higher than DH had guessed. She immediately went on the attack, pointing at DH and saying "well HE said it was £X". I looked at her for a sec, and said "Actually, I've changed my mind, I don't want my children's lovely books going to your house" and took the books out of her arms. She was so stunned she didn't really react, then walked off in a huff and I was so satisfied with how I had handled her!!

I disagree. If I was the giver-away and a person used 'please' umpteen times in their communication with me, I'd find it a bit odd (and, yes, wonder if English was their first language), but I'd consider them polite.

Using 'please' and 'thank you' is all I (and most people, I suspect) would expect from people in a transaction of this nature. Not perfect grammar. And it's not - as you claimed upthread - 'super polite' to say please and thank you, it's just standard common-or-garden everyday polite.

Also, I have multiple health conditions including depression, but I still say please and thank you. It's frankly batshit imo to suggest, as you did upthread, that it's beyond someone to do so simply because they are depressed or unwell.

Oh, give over!

No, I didn’t say it was simply because anything. I said there were a number of reasons people may come across as rude on an online message. If the OP wants to discriminate because people don’t use the language she requires that’s up to her, but it’s not always as simple as people being rude for the sake of it.

*Pumperthepumper
Rubbish. Particularly when English doesn’t have a formalised version in the same way Spanish and French does, it’s very easy to make mistakes under the vague heading of ‘polite’. So if it’s polite to say please once in a sentence, saying it four or five times must therefore be SUPER polite. But it isn’t, because then it looks sarcastic. These subtleties take ages to learn.*

What world do you live in that someone with basic English, saying please or thank you many times sounds SARCASTIC?

You are tying yourself in knots here.

I learned English as a second language.

@Pumperthepumper what was your first? I'm just interested as your English is brilliant.

I’d rather not say, but thank you! I’ve been here a long time now, right enough.

I learned English as a second language.

And you think someone saying please and thank you many times sounds sarcastic??? Particularly if they don't seem to have a great command of the language?

I think you've got that ALL wrong personally. Don't think many people would think that at all. In fact the opposite.

Despite your fabulous command of English I think maybe your 'sarcasm ' buttons are off.

Hang on, are you saying that as an ESOL learner I haven’t yet got command of the subtleties of English? Doesn’t that prove my point?

Hang on, are you saying that as an ESOL learner I haven’t yet got command of the subtleties of English? Doesn’t that prove my point?

We're not talking 'subtleties' here. We're talking Please and thank you.

Other Posters have consistently said that they learn please and thank you if they learn nothing else in a language.

You're saying that you think the risk of saying please and thank you too many times ( possibly sounds sarcastic) is worse than not saying anything.( definitely rude and ungrateful) and that's why buyers might say nothing.

And even as ESOL learner who is clearly extremely fluent in at least 2 languages I don't believe you'd really think that. I'd say you just came up with it to push your quite extreme argument.

( your sarcasm button is off = complicated way of saying I don't believe you )

Discriminate 😂😂😂

Not offering someone a free item they they have no rights to is discrimination now.

Hahahahahahahah

You don’t have to believe me for it to be true though. I haven’t denied you learn please and thank you first, you do. But you don’t learn when it’s appropriate to use it - like ‘please can I please have the item please’ is incorrect but logically should be extremely polite.

It’s quite strange that you think ‘some people don’t have English as a first language and/or have learning difficulties’ is an extreme argument.

Here’s an interesting forum that maybe explains it better:

forum.wordreference.com/threads/british-speakers-of-english-over-polite.127636/

It’s quite strange that you think ‘some people don’t have English as a first language and/or have learning difficulties’ is an extreme argument.

No it's not 'strange' . I'm pretty much with the majority on here.

And I know when I communicate in a 2nd language ( And I'm pretty rubbish unlike you ) I always chuck in the please and thank yous even if it's probably not grammatically or linguistically entirely correct.

Probably saying things equivalent to
"Please can I please have the whatnot please ? "
All wrong but fine .

Tbh @Pumperthepumper I think the extreme part of your argument is that someone not speaking in their first language might think saying please or thank you could come over as sarcastic.

Well, I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then. Thank you for your comments.

This.

Depends on the person's cultural background as well, lots of cultures don't use please or thank you- neutral is automatically polite and please is akin to begging.