To not give something away to someone without manners?

[ChangedForThisCause]

Put something on FB for free.

Man comments 'I can pick it up now'

Sends DM asking for address.
. No please or thankyou. Brand new, sealed item that would be £25 ish.

AIBU to wait and see if anyone else messages and at leasts uses manners?

Oh I’ve just seen who the poster is
not surprised they’re spoiling for an argument

Manners are always a preference for me, I understand depending on the person, sometimes if you need to achieve x objectives, then it may have to be overlooked, all depends on situational context, although as a General rule, I prefer good manners.

Some people don’t have English as a first language.

Some aren’t NT.

Some have learning difficulties and/or mobility issues that make typing difficult.

Some are distracted and make mistakes.

And some people are just twats!!

The simplest explanation is usually the correct one.

Anyway, if I'm giving something away, while I'm not after gratitude, I do at least expect something other than OP got. And I'm likely to wait to see if someone polite asks for it before I give it to someone who can't be arsed asking pleasantly.

Saying that he might be depressed, is frankly insulting to depressed people.

@saraclara it really isn’t - English isn’t my first language. It takes long time to realise that saying ‘Please can I have this item? Please can I collect it on Saturday and please can I come at 11? Please can you leave it on your doorstep? Please can you reply to this message so I know that’s the plan?’ isn’t good English.

Better than the bloke who, when I negotiated a bit on price (incredibly politely!) said I should ‘ask hubby’ for money or go into debt for something completely non-essential. Twat.

How?

I am member of a local FB group which is for people who want to give things away for free. It started as a re-use, recycle type thing. Along the lines of- 'here is a dog cage which is taking up loads of space in the garage' collect from S*

The person listing can then give the item to whoever they want- e.g. if someone can come today and they want it gone, it goes to them. Not 1st come, 1st served.

No surprises, the admin are constantly having to remind people that a) manners matter and b) they can give it to whoever they want c)if you say you want it, actually turn up.

They also allow people in need to ask for items- e.g. 'does anybody have this revision book for gcse because my daughter needs it and I can't afford it.' Again, lots of people are only to happy to shift these books.

The admin are having to constantly remind people that if you ask for something, at least say thank you when you turn up to collect it.

Finally, they have to remind people that they have to arrange collection- don't say you want something then ask if it can be delivered.......

Persistent offenders/no collection/rude people get chucked out now. I think the admin have patience of saints......

If you don't want to give it to him, don't. It depends how quickly you want rid.

Exactly. Excusing bad behaviour as depression/anxiety/asd etc is becoming the norm on here

Actually some people are just down right rude

How do you tell the difference?

I love freecycle and similar. I am always polite and expect the same in return. Though sometimes things go south.

Had a guy this week send his friend to collect something I'd left outside. Friend only took half of it. Then when he himself came for the second half he went to the wrong street and then had a go at me for it not being where I left it. Tried to claim I should deliver this heavy item to him as he'd already wasted a trip (I don't have a car even if a was such a pushover). Told him I'd sling it in a skip, suddenly he can come back and learn to use a map. F*ckwit

I was called rude for saying this!

It's not normal for depressed/disabled/autistic people to be rude by default. People need to stop using these conditions as an excuse for downright rudeness!

Sometimes someone might appear rude if they are struggling as a result of their difficulties but it isn't something that is is the norm!

Some people are just utter bellends!

How do you tell the difference?

---

I have depression and anxiety, and my husband is autistic as is my son.

None of us speak to people like a piece of shit just because we have a certain condition.

There might be times we have a bad day or feel overwhelmed and we could come across unintentionally rude. But I can tell you now nobody is being a rude bellend on a free cycle page (where they are potentially getting something they want for free) because they are depressed or autistic or whatever else. They are just a rude bellend.

Typing a please on the end of a message is hardly difficult. And as for the English as a second Language- whenever I have learned a language, please and thank you are among the first words learned.

Yep piss taker

I had a bed frame recently

First he wants it
Then picking up that day
Then next day as working
Then oh I can get it I dont drive a friend will do it tomz
Then oh it's raining so I can't come

Piss off you dick

Gave to to a decent human being who was grateful. In time and tried to offer some cash of which I didn't accept.

YANBU.

It really pisses me off. It's really not difficult to type a 'please' and i agree that please and thank you are usually some of the first words learned in a new language so i'm not buying that excuse either. I think it's just that people do not seem to see the value in manners as much these days.

YADNBU, I do this too, if they can be polite, they can feck off.

I had a similar situation to this. It was a bundle of kids clothes I was giving away for free and the woman was so rude in her messages. Anyway, I ended up dropping them with her (as she couldn't pick them up which I also resented as I had written pick up only on the post). When I dropped them off I realised she was nothing like her smiling happy profile picture. She obviously had a lot of issues - was very shy perhaps MH problems. I realised everyone has different needs and in the end I was glad the clothes were going to a family who really needed them.

mam0918
I dont get people need to laud things over people expecting them to grovel to their standards.

Its pretty pathetic, to me polite isnt please and thank you forced in convosation its just a general nice demeanor, I dont expect be to beg me for stuff Im getting rid of.

Your not 'better' because your giving it away for free, if you could get £25 then go do that or take it to the charity shop but lets be honest you aren't clearly because you deem it a hassle there for they are doing you a favore by reducing your amount of work.

Not saying 'please' does not alone indicate bad manners (its an unnessacery additive word) however it IS ill mannered to be petty, judgemental and vendictive to others.

WTAF are you on about. Way to go with overthinking & missing the point🙄

Now wondering if you're the entitled FBMP cow who harassed the hell out of me for a ball pond & balls, pick up only. That wasn't free, it was very cheap to wheedled out time wasters, but I wanted to give it away for practically nothing to help someone, not to make my life easy, but because we were lucky enough to be able to afford this for DD, not everyone can, so it was meant to be a good deed to another child, not selfish assed as you imply.

She messaged me daily & repeatedly from 3 different accounts, not please thank you or even can I have, but demands & told me I'd be delivering to her 5 miles away, as she had 5 small kids she wasn't dragging into town to collect it. She then started the guilt trip that I was abusing her kids for refusing to deliver it all for free & she was doing me a favour by "taking my junk" so I should be giving it to her & delivering it to surprise her kids, my being disabled & not driving meant I should send it over in a taxi... & pay to surprise her kids... the entitlement was absolutely gobsmacking ... & no the rude entitle cow got nothing from me

WomanStanleyWoman2
Some people don’t have English as a first language.

Some aren’t NT.

Some have learning difficulties and/or mobility issues that make typing difficult.

Some are distracted and make mistakes.

ODFO with your prejudiced nonsense, non of these are an excuse for bad manners & you blaming nuro-diversity, depression etc is fucking insulting to people with those conditions... including my DD who is very thoughtful & has beautiful manners as do the many others with ASD, depression... hell even my old friend with BPD & schizophrenia can manage to be polite. & in my experience others with ASD are the politest people I know. Stop being a nob & goeducte yourself

Those are shite excuses. He can say the rest in English, but not thank you? Literacy, again he can say the rest in English, but not thank you? And depressed people aren't still automatically rude, and if he was that depressed he couldn't handle typing out thank you, I doubt he'd be shopping for free stuff on fb.

He was rude. Stop thinking up daft excuses.

Those saying they may not know how to use please/thankyou properly as it's a 2nd language.

Please can I collect this
Can please I collect this.
Can I please collect this.
Can I collect please this.
Can I collect this please.

Literally doesn't matter where you put the 'please' to convey you would like to take the item and show some manners. The reader can understand the sentence and the manners.

If they had any of these that message would look very different.
this is just CBA no need to make excuses