To ask how many Adult DC financially help their parents ?

[hattie43]

I am an Adult DC and often have to help financially to bail out my parents .

It's not like they haven't had good incomes over the years but have never prepared for retirement in any meaningful way . They've spent everything spare money wise on holidays , hobbies , etc .cars etc

I feel resentful tbh but don't want to see them struggle .

Anyone else in the same boat .

We pay for medical care, and occasional help with unexpected costs. However, they live overseas and not in luxury by any means.

Nope. Not a cat in hells chance.

You can say no. They'll never learn otherwise if you keep funding them

We give my MIL money each month, but it's spare money. I wouldn't let DH send it if we needed it.

No, my parents don't need the help. I would feel obliged to help if they needed it though, and I am sure that I would feel quite aggrieved if I felt that that need was due to a lack of careful planning on their part. Very different if they genuinely just didn't have enough.

I don't but I foresee I am going to have to support my sister.

Mine got in a bit of a mess, they had 2 big credit card balances and the minimum payments were taking money out of their (not high) pension income each month. When one had a stroke and would no longer be able to make the small income they had from a hobby cottage industry, my sibling and I paid off the balance. It was significant ££ for me, but worth it for peace of mind. At that point we took over their financial
management, with their agreement of course.

I would be horrified if my dcs did.

Could they downsize get a job maybe. They must have state pension ?any chance of pension credit for them . Its kind of you to help ,but you need money for your savings and to live! You cannot keep bailing them out.

We extended our already not insignificant south east mortgage by another £125k as my Mum was in a cycle of crappy rentals (that we'd been paying for the last 3 years) to buy her a flat. Which we now also contribute to the maintenance of. It's the most affordable way to support her.

Sort of.
Mum worked full time but low wages. I paid towards her mortgage as it was jointly owned by me - it was a good investment. I also covered her lost wages when she went part time to help me with childcare.

My brother paid for our Father to have his cataract operation privately.

Bought a (small) house for my mum after her and my dad divorced. She works in a NMW job and otherwise couldn't afford to live. It's no more than she'd do for me if she could afford it and she absolutely dotes on her grandchild so 🤷🏼‍♀️ really doesn't bother me and I'd happily do more if she needed it.

Yup.
And my in laws.

Yes, my mother, who alongside my late father made some poor decisions and doesn’t have enough income to live on. My brother and I both give her a monthly amount (him more than me by some distance).

Also still supporting adult children so being squeezed from both ends.

We support my husbands parents, he's Indian and it's the done thing. I knew this when we were dating and have absolutely no issues. They made a lot of sacrifices to get him through medical school and are the loveliest people.

Both my parents left school at 14 without a qualification between them, they'd be mortified if my brother and I had to financially support them. They have both worked very hard and often long hours, DF always in fairly unqualified roles DM did a little better and trained as she went, they've made frugal financial decisions over the years now own their own house (3 bed end terrace nothing fancy) mortgage paid.
DF is retired and after being made redundant at 60 DM works part time in a shop and probably will for the next few years, they have good savings and DM has a decent pension (at 67 now 😡) DF only has his extended state pension as he cashed his work pension out and invested it (around 150k). For two people from the east end of London before it was poncey, with 11 siblings between them, no formal education and not raised in an environment where careers were even a thing, they've done pretty well and would be ashamed to have to rely on their children for bail outs. Catastrophic injury etc notwithstanding I don't think I'd do it just for poor financial management.

Fuck off!!
My parents have never helped me or any of my siblings. Not a penny towards buying a home, when their mortgages have been paid off for years. We’re all fucked now because of it: all single and on low, salaries paying rent.
Imo opinion, although I originally considered caring for both in their later years, this ain’t happening now as I’ll probably be working full time forever (like many others) and won’t have time or money spare.

Some people here are so kind. Even if I were loaded I wouldn’t help them but then again I had a shit childhood tbh and there’s a lot of hurt, bitterness and resentment there. I can’t imagine giving money to my parents willingly as they were crap parents.

And I firmly believe that parents should looks after their kids, never the other way around.

Yes, before my mum died we paid for 1/2 the cost of her carer, who came in 3x a week, and for first class travel for her to visit us (we lived overseas); she'd had cancer and a stroke and had limited mobility. She was able to cover her mortgage, etc.
She'd been a single parent on low-paying wages for most of my childhood.
It was hard for DH, as they didn't get along that well, but he didn't object too much.
On the other hand, we received a lot of financial help from my husband's parents.

In my experience and that of my circle of friends it's the other way around - all help out their children - car purchases, university expenses, buying a home, helping with childcare/paying for children.

Many in my age group are financially ok since benefitted from great house price growth, mortgages were small and paid off so lots of disposable income from our earnings - not retired yet.

Yes. Me and my brother helped our Mum before she passed away she worked but the pay was shocking and she refused help from our Dad on principal. I used to help Nan with small stuff like shopping or her TV.
I think it depends on the family set up rather than wealth in some families it's shared in others separate.

OP they sound like thy have frittered their money away - do you have spare cash and if so then great, if not don't and leave them to their 'poor' choices.

That's why I feel resentful tbh they've had plenty of money over the years and have always had the attitude of live for today and don't worry about tomorrow but tomorrow has come and it's not pretty .

I can afford to help but as another poster said I didn't have the best childhood because of her .
I wish I could be harder and just leave them to it .

OP I think you and others are extraordinary helping your parents due to poor decisions or frittering away money. Unless I was incredibly wealthy I cannot imagine doing that although of course it would be hard to see them struggle.
We are the opposite- my parents are incredibly wealthy despite following an almost identical education/career pathway to us. No university fees, cheap housing, inflation causing rapid increase in salary and then making huge amounts of money with each house move have stood them in good stead. They also have pensions DH and I could only dream of.
I would never let them go hungry if something truly catastrophic happened but the solution would be move in with us and live our life rather than subsidise they lifestyle. Despite money being tight for us I would never accept financial help from my DC in a million years.
If you cannot afford the holidays/cars etc they had due to subsidising them I would be very angry indeed and probably put a limit on future help. It’s selfishness coming back to bite them- and they should deal with the consequences not you.

1. you don't have to