To ask how many Adult DC financially help their parents ?

[hattie43]

I am an Adult DC and often have to help financially to bail out my parents .

It's not like they haven't had good incomes over the years but have never prepared for retirement in any meaningful way . They've spent everything spare money wise on holidays , hobbies , etc .cars etc

I feel resentful tbh but don't want to see them struggle .

Anyone else in the same boat .

^this

We extended our mortgage to help PIL buy somewhere more suitable.

We Give money to my husbands family regularly, they live in Asia and this is the done thing and I really don’t mind. Mil is elderly, sil is in poor health and my other sil and family lives with them to care for them so that is very helpful.
my family it is usually me that helps out my parents and siblings some times it would be nice to be helped out but I can’t see that ever happening.

I have done. They were in a bad situation due to a combination of bad luck and poor decisions. Wish I didn’t have to but would do it again for them or any other family members if I can and it’s needed.

MIL has an additional credit card on my husband’s account which she uses when she needs to and he pays it off without comment. She only ever uses it for essentials like groceries and as far as I know she’s never taken the piss with it, and I’m just glad she has that lifeline available.

We are by no means loaded but my husband does OK for himself after growing up with very little and seeing how much his mum sacrificed for him and his siblings, so I know it means a lot to him that he’s able to help her now.

I don't support my mum but I do 'treat' her to things, I pay her monthly tv subscriptions, things like that (tbh I don't even think she knows that they're paid for, I think she assumes they come with the telly that she got for Xmas )

She worked her fingers to the bone when I was little; despite being a grafter she was never going to have a lot of money, so if she ever needed anything I absolutely would step in.

My dad on the other hand was a selfish, lazy git and so I don't feel obliged to do anything for him.

It's lovely to see people helping out when needed but it does seem to be the deserving ones who've done the best by their kids or have worked hard in low pay jobs .

It is difficult when they end up broke because of irresponsibility.

To be fair they don't ask for the help but generally moan about prices , cost of living increases , how will they manage blah blah , can't put the heating on , all struggles that are very real but their situation is self inflicted and that's the quandary .

My mum is severely disabled and in a nursing home and has never been able to financially help me.
I do however help her out by doing her shopping for her etc. Get her tv paper every weeke for her
I am not well off myself but it the least i can do to try bring a bit of joy to her she always pleased when I turn up every week with her paper

Yes they have squandered their money and now they get to squander yours? That's not on. I would put some boundaries in place. How dare they ask you for money. My parents and inlaws have no idea how skint I am because I wouldn't dream of telling them. I might hope they would work it out for themselves and throw me a bit of cash but so far nothing!!

That's lovely I'm sure she's really grateful .

Not exactly financially but my mum lives with us. She pays rent but we dropped it by £250pcm recently so we’re losing £3k a year 😢 She just didn’t have the money 🤷‍♀️ Can’t take what someone doesn’t have I guess.

I give my Mum £300 a month. We normally go on holiday together once a year so that covers her share plus extra.

I appreciate how much she had to give up in her life because of the time and situation she was born in and how much she did for me when I was younger.

I do for specific things. The dishwasher broke and mum was struggling to afford to replace it, it was near christmas so I got her her ideal dishwasher as a present. Likewise she's gone ages without a blender, so I got her one for christmas.
This year my twin sisters finished A-Levels and want to go on holiday. I'm paying for my own room in the nice hotel they want, but I've gone up a size so the 3 of us can fit. It means my mum only needs to pay for 1 room for her and my stepfather.
I don't send her money, she'd be horrified if I did that. Nor would she ask for things.

No but when I see them I always treat them to meals out etc or buy small things for the house. My DH contributes to his mum's big expenses (eg he paid towards a car and helped pay for her new bathroom) but we don't make regular payments.

I do. Not even in contact anymore but I’d feel too bad if I stopped. Fortunately we can afford it. I try to think of it like I would a charity donation.

I have the feeling at some stage we will have to do this for my FIL. He has always lived beyond his means, having retired in his 40s (on spurious medical grounds), so does not have much of a pension income, and no longer has any savings.

He is now in his early 80s, and is doing equity release on his home, which among other things is paying someone to be his surrogate son help him with jobs in the house and garden. He is in good physical health for his age. My concern is that his money will run out at the time he needs a lot more care. Of course we will help out, though I doubt we will be able to help out in the manner to which he would like to be accustomed.

DH will do this without question. It's his father. I will resent it. I contributed the lions share of money to our family pot, and we have spent many years struggling and saving. I'd rather have the money available to be able to help out our children who are in their late teens/ early 20s.

On the other hand when DH's uncle needed financial (and practical) help when he had to move into supported accommodation, we paid his rent until we had helped him clear and sell his house, and I had no problem with that.

I paid for my mum's funeral as stepdad didn't have the money. They definitely didn't prepare for old age (step dad is still working, mum died in her 50s) and have never had money. I'm still skint, but I do plan and budget.

Sometimes yes and with pleasure. My mother is amazing and in difficult financial situation through no fault of her own. I pay for her cleaner and I am trying to get a pay rise to help her with the rising fuel costs.

Yes, had to bail my dad out. Pay for a new boiler, fix his car etc. He has always been completely uselesss with money. My mum saved thousands for their retirement. He spent it all within about five or six years or her dying. I am actually thinking about offering to buy a share of his flat now. That means he gets some money and I get something in return.

Yep in the same position. It's very common in south indian families. Husband sorts it all out and sends them money every month, weve never had issues with it as it comes out of his wages.

I do. In my culture it is extremely normal. They're family they loved and looked after you, you do the same (obviously close knit families without trauma etc)

I helped my parents financially when I was 18. When I was older we paid for them to go on holiday.
They were never well off and are both dead now.

Yep.
DM &DF divorced years ago but I’ve helped DM out a bit but DSIS, who has more money than me, has often helped out DF, DM and our 3rd sibling.

DM has spent her life hard up but then still manages to buy ridiculous things, runs up a bit on her CC then needs help to pay for her MOT.

so envious of friends who’s parents give them the handouts.

OP , you don't owe them anything.
That they have frittered their money away in the here and now is not your problem.

Do they own their own property? Could they downsize? Do you have siblings? Are they in debt?

Help my in laws with any building work on house and buy their heating oil