Child's party.. Only invited the children who invited my child (she invited whole class last year)

[Pullandpush]

Due to covid restrictions bring lifted last year around the time of dc1s birthday & he had missed out on so much socially I invited all 31 in his class.. He has recieved 10 invited this year since his bday from his classmates.. Is it acceptable to just invite these 10? He's perfectly happy with this & it suits our budget better..

We never had a whole class birthday party for DS, but DS went to some. The older they get the number they invite usually goes down

If those 10 include the children he plays with the most and he’s not going to leave a little friend that didn’t have a party feeling miffed, then it’s fine.

No all close friends included (& he was asked to theirs). My reasoning is a whole year has passed

Mine chose the number of guests I allowed - different each year, some new faces.

I didn’t keep score on invites - not very one can afford whole class parties.

Just invite a few , actual friends he plays with. nobody else will be keeping score.

Don't know how to vote, as I not only think YANBU to have a much smaller number this year, I actually think it is much more sensible, and potentially, even 10 seems a lot (depending on what you are planning to do).

However

YABU to keep score of who has big parties, or who has invited your ds to a party and YABVVVVU to dictate to him who he must invite to his party.
When it is a child's birthday, they should be able to invite the friends they want to invite, nothing to do with whether they invited you to a party or not

You seem to be fixated on not being invited to more parties, just because you invited everyone didn't mean they have to. Many won't have had parties and many will have limited numbers due to cost and invited only children they play with. I've never invited the whole class, just pick the kids who he plays with.

Perfectly reasonable if they aren’t his friends. Not reasonable if they are friends, but had no party due to clinically vulnerable family members (one of my friends’ kids), or the family can’t afford a party (one of DS’s little friends).

Yes. It's fine.

We invite whoever my kids want to invite unless I see someone being left out who shouldn't. Sometimes we've invited kids who didn't invite my kids because that's who my children chose.

YANBU to invite who you and he wants to his party, and to limit the numbers however you want.
YABU to keep some sort of tally on who has invited him, especially if you use that as the only criteria for who is worthy of an invite to yours.

YANBU to have a smaller party but YABU and very petty to keep score of who invited DS to their party.

Invite who you like. All class parties aren't a thing here. I've always just told DD she can invite x number of people and she choses who she wants. Sometimes it includes children whose party she has been to in the last year, sometimes not.

Who careswho invited your kid yay or nay
Let your kid decide who he wants to invite. And hell no to the "whole class "invite.

Yes ten children is fine, whole class parties tend to happen for a year or so lower down the school then people narrow it down. I'm guessing with Covid less people were able to or wanted to have big parties anyway. So it's honestly a bit weird to have kept score of who invited him and use that as your only criteria.
Just tell him he can have ten guests and let him pick.

chose the children dc actually plays with.
parties are not quid pro quo.

Not every child gets the opportunity for a party. Don't exclude those who don't.

I totally agree with this!

@Pullandpush

There seems to be a conflict here

You stated it suits you better and then ask whether it's acceptable?

Why does this bother you?

@Pullandpush

Apologies - I completely misunderstood your post.

Absolutely fine to invite less but I would only invite those my son wanted to go, whether or not they invited him previously or not.

Your child should be able to invite his friends, the people he likes, gets in with, plays with.

That is what celebrating his birthday is about. Not a transactional ‘we only let them come if they had a party and invited you’.

He may have new friends who had their birthday almost a year ago when they weren’t so friendly. He might have friends whose parents couldn’t afford a party. Etc.

Fine to have a smaller party.

But encourage your child to think ‘who is important to me, and who is a good friend to me’ not ‘what did I get from someone’.

If your child has been to a "whole class" party, there's no obligation to invite the child in return if you are having a smaller party. I think that's even the case with some smaller parties, for instance if friendships have changed. DD went to a smaller party but we didn't invite that child to hers - the child concerned was not really a friend, had her party at half-term, and I know that my DD was invited at least a fortnight after others - from which I surmise that not many of the child's friends could make it, so they then invited the other girls in the class to make up numbers.

We can't afford a party at all for our dcs and I would hate to think they were not invited to other parties because of this.

I would invite his friends first and foremost but I do also invite children who didn't have whole class parties but invited my child to their party. I figure that they must value my child's friendship even if my child may not appear to.

The fact he's been invited to 10 is great op. When you're the parent of a child who is neurodiverse you'll take any invites you can get. Dd's 'best friends' didn't invite her to theirs. She came home with an invitation for another little girl's party three weeks ago and you'd think she'd been given the moon on a stick.

Of course yanbu to Invite the 10 as it suits your budget and those are his closest friends. But it does sound like you've been keeping score.

Lots of kids don’t have parties at all, or have family parties or a trip to something like Legoland. You child will have the best time with their closest friends regardless of whether they invited your son previously. You may find that those 10 from last year are not closest this year as friendship groups often change at that age. Keeping tabs on who invited whom really isn’t the best way to ensure your DS has a good time.