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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child's party.. Only invited the children who invited my child (she invited whole class last year)

129 replies

Pullandpush · 01/07/2022 00:26

Due to covid restrictions bring lifted last year around the time of dc1s birthday & he had missed out on so much socially I invited all 31 in his class.. He has recieved 10 invited this year since his bday from his classmates.. Is it acceptable to just invite these 10? He's perfectly happy with this & it suits our budget better..

OP posts:
redbigbananafeet · 01/07/2022 18:07

Pullandpush · 01/07/2022 00:26

Due to covid restrictions bring lifted last year around the time of dc1s birthday & he had missed out on so much socially I invited all 31 in his class.. He has recieved 10 invited this year since his bday from his classmates.. Is it acceptable to just invite these 10? He's perfectly happy with this & it suits our budget better..

What about the children who haven't had their birthdays yet?

randomsabreuse · 01/07/2022 18:08

I really struggle with organising a party for my mid August DD. We're right in at the end of the holidays here and a fair few have birthdays right at the start of term so there's a very limited opportunity for a party to happen without stealing another child's actual birthday weekend! Obviously we could organise something in advance for her actual birthday but holidays get in the way and it's tough to get RSVPs that are realistic as we will barely see the kids for the duration of the holidays. Would also struggle to organise a party at Christmas too - so I wouldn't necessarily judge a child with a holiday birthday for not having an actual party...

LilyMarshall · 01/07/2022 18:10

redbigbananafeet · 01/07/2022 18:07

What about the children who haven't had their birthdays yet?

Show quote history

In twelve months?

Original poster
Pullandpush · 01/07/2022 18:18

LilyMarshall · 01/07/2022 18:10

In twelve months?

Show quote history

Yes in the past 12 months since his last birthday... All children would have had theirs & theirs no upcoming until August (an organised mum has a pinned post on the private class page about bdays) so yes all have had birthdays since dc's last year yes... Unless born in a leap year 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Meraas · 01/07/2022 18:22

@SteamingHind

Reciprocal means both ways. She believes in reciprocal invites. I'm not sure how fucking more clear this can be. You've put your own narrative on it because no-fucking-where does she say that she doesn't expect reciprocal invites. She's only inviting those who GAVE reciprocal invites, so she must be fucking expecting them. It's hardly rocket science.

No, I’ve understood what the OP is saying instead of making shit up like you.

OP has just come and confirmed that I was right, but you keep on digging, love. 😂

girlmom21 · 01/07/2022 18:27

Pullandpush · 01/07/2022 17:56

The venue has capped it at groups of 10 plus bday child, it's a wall climbing centre, ds2 can't go but he's too young so we're doing a seperate cousins day out.

Then you have no choice but to cap the numbers so surely if he's inviting his 10 closest friends it doesn't matter who invited him

TolkiensFallow · 01/07/2022 18:42

I think if your child has been invited to a whole class party then you aren’t obliged to invite that child back. But if your child was invited to something with only 3/4 friends then I would consider reciprocating.

The whole thing is a sodding minefield.

woodhill · 01/07/2022 18:44

I never did whole class parties

BattenburgDonkey · 01/07/2022 18:49

Not sure why you are questioning it really, you’ve booked a venue that allows 10 kids, so you’ve invited 10 kids that your kid wants there and not left out any of his close friends… what’s the big deal?

You sound like you’ve got a bit of a chip on your shoulder with the way you’ve picked these kids (particularly considering you’re also leaving out the kids who couldn’t afford to have their own party), but you’ve picked everyone your child wants there and filled the party so just crack on with it, it’s not like you can invite more people even if you did want to.

Threetulips · 02/07/2022 08:23

I was brought up to believe invites are reciprocated...

You can’t possible think that by inviting 31 children to a party you should receive 31 party invites back?

Which is what your saying really.

But then say you don’t mind if your child isn’t invited. Which is it?

It not fair that those with lots of money and big parties expect others to follow suit based on your choices.

All you need to do is ask your child what they want to do and invite some other kids

Dont put so much thought into other children plans.

Hmm1234 · 02/07/2022 18:16

YANBU only make an effort with those who bother with you. People on here commenting like they’re oblivious to ‘clicky’ mums groups at school

Happyher · 02/07/2022 18:21

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. A whole class party is a big impersonal event, a small party of10 with the friends he wants there (plus any other child you think it’s appropriate to invite) is likely to be much more enjoyable for all and more memorable for DS

Creameggs223 · 02/07/2022 18:28

Tell dc he can invite 10 children then let him pick regardless of if he's been invited to theirs or not.

Danielle9891 · 02/07/2022 18:45

I'd say you might be being unreasonable. Did all of these children even have Birthday parties? Some families might not be able to afford birthday parties I can't afford one for my daughter this year. My family couldn't afford parties growing up and as such I was never invited to parties but I was really quiet as well so that didn't help . Instead we had a day out with my sister's and a takeaway. Money's tight for nearly everyone lately and parties are expensive.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/07/2022 19:05

If that also includes all his mates fine. Wouldn't have worked for one of my dc who had a fair few friends who never had parties because of cost and number of siblings.

threatmatrix · 02/07/2022 19:35

Maybe see if any of the kids never had a party due to not being able to afford one. I would always invite these kids.

darcyandfinn · 02/07/2022 20:26

We had the same, invited all the girls in the class last year and only got invited to a handful of parties this year. The reason being that it’s a really cliquey group of mums and they just invite the children of the mums they are friends with in the class 🙄 So I get where you are coming from. My daughter initially wanted to invite a few that didn’t invite her, but it’s a bitter pill to swallow when it’s a £25 per head party and I know that she won’t be invited to their party next year. I mean, times are tough, that’s a lot of money! She’s now decided that she just wants a little party with her besties, so that’s what we will be doing.

angela99999 · 02/07/2022 21:21

When they were little and first at school I always used to invite everyone because I think it's sad to leave someone out. At our school there were lots of people who didn't have the space (or money) to invite everybody and I remember one little boy saying thank you as he left, he'd never been invited to a party before.
When our DC were older I just let them choose who they wanted, you can't force them to be friends.

Original poster
Pullandpush · 02/07/2022 21:55

darcyandfinn · 02/07/2022 20:26

We had the same, invited all the girls in the class last year and only got invited to a handful of parties this year. The reason being that it’s a really cliquey group of mums and they just invite the children of the mums they are friends with in the class 🙄 So I get where you are coming from. My daughter initially wanted to invite a few that didn’t invite her, but it’s a bitter pill to swallow when it’s a £25 per head party and I know that she won’t be invited to their party next year. I mean, times are tough, that’s a lot of money! She’s now decided that she just wants a little party with her besties, so that’s what we will be doing.

Yes ds2 class is like this already, the clique & their kids stay together..

OP posts:
Thinkbiglittleone · 02/07/2022 22:11

I'm new to all this with our first school party coming up.
He hasn't been invited to any school party as non have happened in his friendship group yet. We know some are coming but we invited his group of friends and a few extra that he occasionally mentions.

He can have whoever he wants, there are 14 coming,

I would never exclude those who excluded him but I would invite those who had invited him.

xmaswiththeinlaws · 02/07/2022 23:29

We never kept score or had whole class parties. We only ever invited a specific number of children my kids actually wanted at their party. One year my daughter also included a particular girl because she didn't really get invited to other parties and thought she'd enjoy it, but didn't invite her again as they weren't that close. As we had themed parties (pirates, dragons, Minecraft, Norfolk guns, Harry Potter etc), they tended to invite close friends with similar interests. As both my kids have birthdays the same week having whole class parties with 60 kids wouldn't have been an option.

Gemcat1 · 02/07/2022 23:59

It depends on what your son wants. One of my elder sons' friends used to invite all the boys in the class to play football, he did that every year. I used to invite his special friends and the ones that I babysat for mothers etc. It was a matter of finance. I had a budget and depending on what he wanted then I would work out who to invite. A cheap way is to have some garden toys and just invite whoever you want. Put out some sandwiches, rolls, cheap cakes from Tesco/Asda or wherever and enjoy. It's not about who invites your kid back, it's about your kid.

Dragonsmother · 03/07/2022 07:41

We have done all class parties when DS was little. As his got older DS isn’t friends with everyone in his class and there are people that he chooses to avoid! So now he draws up a list of ten friends.

Foggydayz · 03/07/2022 10:42

What proportion of the class is 10?
If there's only 4 left out, you are being V unreasonable

If you are Inviting his friends regardless of whether they invited him to their party or not, then it is fine. If you are isolating a tiny handful, not fine. If you are including children who he kinda likes and have personal/family issues that mean they don't normally invited to parties/ throw big parties .. then thats fine.

If you are NOT inviting people he never plays with, irrespective of them snubbing you with invites... dont worry about it, but let the bitterness go!

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 10:44

What proportion of the class is 10?
If there's only 4 left out, you are being V unreasonable

@Foggydayz 31 in the class it says in the OP

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