Child's party.. Only invited the children who invited my child (she invited whole class last year)

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Due to covid restrictions bring lifted last year around the time of dc1s birthday & he had missed out on so much socially I invited all 31 in his class.. He has recieved 10 invited this year since his bday from his classmates.. Is it acceptable to just invite these 10? He's perfectly happy with this & it suits our budget better..

I wouldn't base the invites on whether he was invited to a reciprocal party. I'd set the limit that your budget allows for (in your case 10) and let him pick his 10 best friends!

my DD and her younger sister were once invited to a party, I did the big faux pax and mentioned it in front of another mum whose child was literally the only one not invited. I was mortified when I realised what I’d done. The non invited mum walked away, I knew the other mums in the class had issue with the mum but in my defence I’d just had a baby and was not really thinking. After mum walked away birthday mum said the child wasn’t invited because she’d never had a party so why should she keep being invited to parties when she never returned the invite. It was absolutely awful and not the child’s fault. It was a small school only 5 girls in the class so the poor girl knew she wasn’t invited. Made it even harder that lots of siblings had been invited even though they wernt really friends with birthday girl.

Tit for tat is a bit pathetic.

Maybe a kid didnt have a party that year, I (my mam) invited the whole class every year but a few years I couldnt have a party as I was in hospital.

Due to my disabilities and frequently being in and out of hostpital and off sick + my developmental delay mean't I already struggled enough to be included with the other kids as it is so nice to know this is just another way parents would use to judge and exclude.

A party should be for your child (inviting all their friends) not for you to judge parents/lives that are different to your so you can laude punish on those children.

He has received 10 invites this year from classmates. I am only inviting these 10

It's lucky all his closest friends have already had a birthday party, were only half way through the year!
This is an odd "rule" you want to stick to.

As luck would have it, his group of friends all pass your eligibility criteria for an invitation but I think it's rather narrow minded as an approach.

"JustLyra
Inviting 10 is absolutely fine as long as that’s not specifically leaving one or two kids out just because they didn’t have a party.

One parent once invited all the girls who’d invited her kid to a party in DS’s year group. Left out the one girl who didn’t have a party because they couldn’t afford it. The kids were pretty oblivious as they were young but the adults all noticed. People judged and it’s still remembered years later.

Sounds like the parents of the uninvited kids were keeping score there... How would they know who attended everyone else's childs party, I wouldn't have a clue what kids went to who's parties only my own... I'd know if ds wasn't invited to one as the kids are only 7 & all discuss their parties!" OP

I think you misread this @JustLyra s comment!

People have given you lots of real life situations + POV of things to be considered as that's what you've asked for.
No one is saying you shouldn't have a small party.

I didn’t say they knew who attended the other parties? (Although everyone else either did all boys, all girls or whole class as it was a small class).

They invited only the girls who had invited their child. They were well aware that this meant they were inviting 8 of the other 9 girls in the class and leaving just 1 out.

Ah sorry @JustLyra i misread, ah that's a little 🙄 I would absolutely not exclude the child. There's 31 in ds's class so 1/3 are invited, parents messaged individually not a group whatsapp

That sounds a little petty

I have four children and they've never had any parties

I could understand your reasoning if your ds was 3 or something, but you said your DS is 7. Just ask him who he wants to invite, and that there is a limit of 10 children.
Then invite those 10.
Makes zero difference if hes been to one of their birthday parties or not, surely?

Fine to invite 10 friends. I wouldn't however be dictated by those who invited your dc to their party however as not wvry parent has the means or home life to have a party

That’s totally fine. Doesn’t sound like you’re leaving out anyone who he is close friends with or wants to have there.

Yes many don’t have/ can’t afford a party and I would say invite them if they are his close friends but sounds like not.

I took the view that everyone does what suits them. Some have no parties, some always have lavish parties - though number of children invited tends to decline as they move up primary school (and have definite preferences themselves), then increases again around 15!

Do what suits you, your child and your budget. I used to vet the lists mine came up with when younger and add in any obvious friends who had been missed out. Otherwise I would tell them a rough number and let them decide.

Nothing wrong with having a smaller party at all but I find the method of choosing who to invite weird. It’s like you’re keeping score.

We haven’t ever hosted a whole class party and this year we aren’t doing a party at all, just a family treat. If my DC were excluded from a friend’s party because they are only choosing party invitees based on reciprocal invited, this would make me feel very guilty.

If you invited the whole class to his party last year, does this mean that since you believe in reciprocating, that every child had to invite your son to a party as a result? Even if they were only inviting their best friend, or had a limit of 6/8, or weren't having a party, or aren't close to your child, or were having a family party, haven't had their birthday yet this year, parents can only afford a small party or a party every other year or were only inviting the girls etc?

Invite 10 to your DS's party, that is entirely reasonable. But the 10 invited should be the 10 children who he likes best/plays with most/wants to invite. To exclude any child who your DS is good friends with, on the basis that they couldn't for whatever reason host your DS at a party last year is spiteful and petty. Please don't model that behaviour to your child. Simply ask him to list the 10 people he wants to invite.

@mrsm43s have you actually bothered to read the thread?

If you invited the whole class to his party last year, does this mean that since you believe in reciprocating, that every child had to invite your son to a party as a result?

Where has OP said or implied that she expects this?

Re-read the thread, the OP has addressed everything in your post.

Oh, the irony!

At 8.55 this morning OP said "I was brought up to believe invites are reciprocated"

Therefore she believed everyone should have invited her son to their parties.

I would say respectfully, but as you've shown the OP @mrsm43s absolutely no respect, I wont, so read the fucking thread yourself before hypocritically accusing someone else.

OP clearly meant SHE reciprocates invites, not that she expects people to reciprocate!!!

You need to book yourself into English comprehension classes, pronto.

Reciprocal means both ways. She believes in reciprocal invites. I'm not sure how fucking more clear this can be. You've put your own narrative on it because no-fucking-where does she say that she doesn't expect reciprocal invites. She's only inviting those who GAVE reciprocal invites, so she must be fucking expecting them. It's hardly rocket science.

I think it's fine, as long as your daughter has the people she wants.

I actually think party invites should be reciprocal where both sides are actually having a proper party. I.e I won't be re-inviting a girl who this year came to DD's, then a month or so later threw her own party for quite a big group which didn't include DD. If they're not close enough to return the invite, I wouldn't have her a second time unless it's a whole class thing. I'd reinvite kids who simply hadn't HAD a party, as I get not everyone can/wants to.

You're forgetting not all kids get birthday parties. Some parents can't afford to throw them for their kids, so say one of his friends doesn't have a birthday party because his parents can't afford one, he's now not going to be invited to his friends birthday? Why are you keeping score of invites vs who you invited, it's strange

Thank you, that's exactly what I meant, I reciprocate party invites not that I expect my child to be invited to every party. The same way as if my child is invited to tea or a playdate or taken out for a treat with a friend I always reciprocate. I think of parties in the same vein, to me it's polite to be able to return the invite but if my child is not invited its absolutely fine!

It’s fine to cap the numbers. It’s also fine to reciprocate. But in addition to the ones you’re inviting because they invited you, you should make sure close friends that he plays with are included and not potentially penalise them because of an August birthday or because their parents can’t afford a party. If that takes your numbers to say 15 out of class of 30 then that’s fine too!

The venue has capped it at groups of 10 plus bday child, it's a wall climbing centre, ds2 can't go but he's too young so we're doing a seperate cousins day out.

Yanbu to invite whoever you want.
Yabu to only invite for the reason given as the children cannot control whoever their parents throw apart for them or not.

Sorry- the children cannot control IF their parents throw them a PARTY or not.