To be angry at my BF's response to the current issues around abortion?

[ConfusedatAmerica]

I've been with my partner for just around 2 years. I've always struggled with his strong opinions and attitude to some things that I am deeply passionate about. Mainly my stance around women's issues, sexism and the way that men treat women.

I messaged him today sharing a video of a Tory MP in the House of Commons stating that women should NOT have an absolute right to bodily autonomy, and that this should be a point for political debate. His response was as follows :

'I can't be too upset with that MP, he has a right to an opinion and he was discussing it in the right fashion in the right arena - I don't agree with him, but I can't be angry at him because his belief is different to mine.'

I told him that his response was upsetting to me because if the MP had been discussing something that took away his bodily autonomy I would be angry on his behalf, especially with something as fundamental as bearing children.

He responded saying that 'All it is is in opinion and that the MP's opinion has no influence on the current state of affairs.' He then went on to say 'Are you angry at the Pope for every time he speaks? His opinion has much greater influence, and the Pope has been spouting antiabortion and homophobic statements for generations - point your anger towards people with much power. Not towards people with much power, not towards insignificant back benchers whose ideals don't meld with the zeitgeist.'

I responded and said that actually yes, I am angry at the Pope for his stance and that he should also not use his platform of power to state what he does. I also stated that Trump ended up in power through the backing of small minded individuals exactly like this MP.

It's not the first time we have disagreed on these sorts of issues. He has an attitude that regardless of experience everyone should be able to voice whatever opinion they feel (including himself and yes he can have some very polarising opinions), my attitude is that if your opinion does harm to another faction or undermines or wishes to take away another persons human rights then no you should not be entitled to share that opinion and that as a society we have a duty of care to ensure that these individuals are stopped.

AIBU here?

I sent mine a link to the Guardian story as soon as Roe was repealed and he responded with a comment about how the Guardian never mentions things closer to home like Poland, N. Ireland and Malta, completely missing the enormity of what had just happened. This is an educated man with two teenaged daughters. The “whoosh” that went over his head probably parted his hair. Some men just don’t get it.

I pointed out that the Graun had covered the lack of availability in other countries extensively over the past couple of years and….that was the end of the text conversation.

Stop press! Men complicit in patriarchy!

He's right to an extent. I mean I'm incredibly passionate about these things too but actually getting angry at every idiot who I disagree with doesn't always serve me well or help me do anything constructive.

Any idiot can say things but if that's how this MP feels I'd rather know about it so people can vote him out. Give him all the rope ...

I don't believe in cancelling people for bad thoughts or opinions. Take action and do something to be the change but there's no point being angry about other people's stupid opinions.
If your BF agreed with him then yeah, be annoyed. But I can't fathom being this annoyed by your BF thinking that other people have a right to different opinions than yours.
Il

“Think for yourselves, and allow others the privilege to do so, too.” as Voltaire is thought to have said.

You will never agree with everybody all the time, but taking away the right to free speech is very dangerous. You may need it to defend your interests one day.

Better to allow free speech and put up a robust argument against the expressed premise. Personally I don't think 'I'm angry. I'm upset.' is a very compelling argument against any view, any more than calling people names for holding a different view is.

But you may not agree with me ...

This.

Stopped from what though - having and expressing an opinion? I think the MP is absolutely wrong and people need to stand up and say this, but he also has the right to say what he thinks. We can't stop people saying things just because we don't like that they say

I expected to agree with you until I read your post. You're being unreasonable. He doesn't agree with the MP, he is maintaining the MP's right to express his opinions. He is also defending the Pope's right to express his. To reply to an earlier poster - that isn't being complicit. To be complicit he'd have to aid the MP in promoting his views. He doesn't even agree with him.

You're upset that he thinks people are entitled to their own opinions?

On rereading @nothingfound you are right, but I do think men are not as passionate about certain issues as are women. Because they are not affected. Many women I know in London are discussing Zara Aleena's murder on a busy road. DH and DS haven't even noticed her murder. They didn't comment much on Sarah Everard's or Sabina Nessa's deaths either. Whereas DD immediately went " I need to avoid that area."

You seem to be against freedom of speech. While I disagree with what that MP seemed to be saying, he does have a right to say that. You seem to be of the ‘it offends me therefore shut up’ brigade, which I fundamentally disagree with.

Everything is a philosophical issue for men, while for women it is lived experience.

You need to find out what your boyfriend's opinions are about this, and decide whether to dump him based on that.

He's been very annoying so far but not stated his position on women's right to choose. If he's in any way anti- Goodbye!

He did say "I disagree with him" so there's that..

I don't know what he's done wrong. He expressed an opinion in a respectful and thoughtful way. People are entitled to have different thoughts and beliefs from others. Be careful of shutting down freedom to express opinions because one day they'll be shutting down you.

This is my exact issue. He likes to talk about alot of women's issues from a very argumentative point of view. He loves a good debate about it and we often end up clashing.

Not at all, in fact you've just described how he can often be. I have no issue with other people having a differing opinion. My issue is when those people are given a platform of power and then have the ability to instigate change that infringes on another persons human rights.

^I agree with this so hard.

But I would also add that everything is philosophical for men until it happens to a girl or woman close to them. Then it becomes real and important. Almost like women they're not related/close to are just abstract, nebulous concepts.

Actually no, I think what bothers me is that he is 'unbothered' by the MP's opinion. It's so meaningless to him that he can't even be bothered to be mad about it.

I don't engage with that kind of "enjoys a row" type.

but in my free speech POV, I'm baffled by people who do engage.

are you happy with him?

I would agree it's a matter for debate. #nodebate doesn't win hearts and minds,

We need people to agree 'I trust women, as soon as possible, as late as necessary' is the right approach, not inform them no other view is tolerated.

Debate in a civilised arena demonstrates the strength of an argument, and shouldn't be feared.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Thankfully we don't have mind control yet.

Hopefully that mp will be deselected for his views because they don't represent the views of his electorate but at least he was being honest.

Likewise your bf. At least he is honest about his views, now you can choose whether to leave him or not.

I will also add that he has said before that every man looks at women when they are out and automatically things of all the sexual things he could do to them and in his view that's normal it's just that not all men act upon it, but that drinking can change that. This was when discussing Sarah Everard.

Personally I think if you don’t think your partner would fight for your rights, why are you with them?

Too many women are finding out because of this decision that a lot of men in their life are just not particularly bothered about their right to bodily autonomy.

(My ex used to do this “they’re just stating their opinions” shit about his racist and sexist family
members. Yes, I respect everyone’s right to an opinion, but I don’t have to for a second respect their actual opinion. I have my own right to say it’s dogshit).

@ConfusedatAmerica
Okay never mind just saw your last post. Throw the whole man out.

But being able to speak and say dislikeable and unpopular things which people find offensive is exactly the kind of democracy we need if we are to mount a useful defense of women's rights while being departed by both the left and right of politics.

I'm about as pro choice as you get but I have no truck with silencing the opposition. It's much worse when those who weird power legislate by stealth so that women's rights are lost through the back door - looking at you. NHS.