To be angry at my BF's response to the current issues around abortion?

[ConfusedatAmerica]

I've been with my partner for just around 2 years. I've always struggled with his strong opinions and attitude to some things that I am deeply passionate about. Mainly my stance around women's issues, sexism and the way that men treat women.

I messaged him today sharing a video of a Tory MP in the House of Commons stating that women should NOT have an absolute right to bodily autonomy, and that this should be a point for political debate. His response was as follows :

'I can't be too upset with that MP, he has a right to an opinion and he was discussing it in the right fashion in the right arena - I don't agree with him, but I can't be angry at him because his belief is different to mine.'

I told him that his response was upsetting to me because if the MP had been discussing something that took away his bodily autonomy I would be angry on his behalf, especially with something as fundamental as bearing children.

He responded saying that 'All it is is in opinion and that the MP's opinion has no influence on the current state of affairs.' He then went on to say 'Are you angry at the Pope for every time he speaks? His opinion has much greater influence, and the Pope has been spouting antiabortion and homophobic statements for generations - point your anger towards people with much power. Not towards people with much power, not towards insignificant back benchers whose ideals don't meld with the zeitgeist.'

I responded and said that actually yes, I am angry at the Pope for his stance and that he should also not use his platform of power to state what he does. I also stated that Trump ended up in power through the backing of small minded individuals exactly like this MP.

It's not the first time we have disagreed on these sorts of issues. He has an attitude that regardless of experience everyone should be able to voice whatever opinion they feel (including himself and yes he can have some very polarising opinions), my attitude is that if your opinion does harm to another faction or undermines or wishes to take away another persons human rights then no you should not be entitled to share that opinion and that as a society we have a duty of care to ensure that these individuals are stopped.

AIBU here?

The chap is an MP. He was literally elected by the people to do exactly what he's doing, ie state on a platform of power his opinions on things that impact other people. I don't agree with him at all, but he's doing what he was elected to do.

if your opinion does harm… then no you should not be entitled to share that opinion

Who decides what constitutes “does harm”?

Wired = wield

That is properly sleazy and disgusting. I could not be with someone who did that, and who thought it was normal

I think I’d be annoyed if my DH didn’t consider someone with the views expressed by that politician as completely anathema to his own values and disagree ferverently with what he was hearing. It would bug me if my DH didn’t hold similar views to me on issues that were extremely important to me such as abortion. I want a partner with whom I share values.

Personally though I have no problem with politicians expressing their views in parliament, I’ll shout at the radio/TV when I hear them but I don’t think they need to stop speaking just because I don’t like what they are saying. Personally I rank abortion rights close to or at the same level as free speech rights, your DP seems to rank free speech ahead of abortion but he still values both by the sounds of it.

I’m Irish, debate on abortion was a permaculture here until the last referendum we had, what I have found abhorrent is the #nodebate women have experienced and are continuing to experience around transgender ideology.

he has said before that every man looks at women when they are out and automatically things of all the sexual things he could do to them and in his view that's normal

^ This was the cue to leave him, OP.

I believe in free speech.

I disagree with the MP.

I think people are allowed a platform however much I disagree with them. As long as they are prepared to debate. It's this no debate bollocks I hate.

I'm a radfem so have a very high bar for men in my life. You have to work out whether your boyfriend meets yours.

But you're talking about elective representatives that make law. That's their purpose. How else can they make laws unless they discuss and express opinions? Most laws affect human rights or behaviour. We elect MPs to instigate change. The different political parties believe different things but we don't ban parties that don't align with one political view. There will be women who agree with the MP, should their views not have representation?

Try READING what's been written instead of making up your own version.

He SAID he disagreed with the MP!! But defended his right to speak his opinion

@ConfusedatAmerica bloody hell. Are you against free speech for everyone or just people you don't agree with?!

your partner agrees with you about womens rughts to abortion, he simply thinks other people are entitled to give their opinion.

I could understand your anger if your partner agreed with the MP, but he doesn't.

He can't know what every man thinks, the same way that you can't know what every woman thinks. Humans are not homogenous beings.

However, he can tell you what he thinks and clearly when he looks at women when he is out he automatically things of all the sexual things he could do to them and in his view that's normal.

I would be worried if I was you OP.

That's totally different. Allowing other people to have opinions that you don't agree with is not the same as having disgusting opinions of your own.

See this would creep me out.

Dump him for this alone.

@WinterMusings my issue is the fact that he is not bothered by what the MP has said. Not in the least. His attitude is a short of 'Oh well' shrug.

I voted YABU because I believe in free speech. However I strongly disagree with that MP and yes it's OK to be angry with people who have am opposite opinion to you, especially if jts something that could affect you but won't ever affect them

He sounds tiresome, it's exhausting interacting with someone who always wants a debate, and personally I'm not sure I could stick a relationship with someone like that. An ex did something similar to me and although he wasn't technically wrong, it left me feeling like he wasn't on my team. And I want a partner to be fighting my corner not being neutral or playing devil's advocate with the "enemy". He can fuck off, join a debating club, and argue with someone else.

I voted YABU in spite of I strongly disagreeing with the MP's opinion.

Now that many people are disagreeing with you you've thrown in other attitudes of your BF which make me wonder why on earth you're involved with him at all. So YABU on that too.

Thank you for the responses it's helped me to see how the way I'm communicating to him why it bothers me is not hitting home, because to me it's not the free speech I'm bothered about, so getting into that with him is making him miss my point. It's not his 'everyone deserves free speech', my issue is that when he watched that video his first response wasn't 'I disagree with what he's saying', it was 'I support him and his free speech', knowing that I was upset by the MP's words, he chose to ignore my upset.

But you said he didn't agree with the MP. How would him swearing about him have helped the situation? He just sounds like an adult who accepts he lives in a democratic society, who, although he disagrees with what is said, accepts a person's right to say it.

It does seem odd that your line in the sand is his defense of free speech and not the fact he seems like a creepy bastard.

Sorry. Cross posted.

@CandidaAlbicans2 thank you that's helpful. This is how it feels, to the point where I end up feeling guarded around what we discuss.

Maybe talk to him in person about it rather than messaging?

@LetitiaLeghorn because sometimes it's nice to feel like your partner has your back on issues that affect you.

I voted YABU because he said he didn’t agree with the MP and was merely commenting that it’s someone else’s opinion, although hopefully people will vote accordingly listening to said MPs “opinion” and de select him when next vote comes around 😡
However , I then saw your last message with your BF opinions regarding women , this is a different kettle of fish , if a man said that to me it would be game over