To be angry at my BF's response to the current issues around abortion?

[ConfusedatAmerica]

I've been with my partner for just around 2 years. I've always struggled with his strong opinions and attitude to some things that I am deeply passionate about. Mainly my stance around women's issues, sexism and the way that men treat women.

I messaged him today sharing a video of a Tory MP in the House of Commons stating that women should NOT have an absolute right to bodily autonomy, and that this should be a point for political debate. His response was as follows :

'I can't be too upset with that MP, he has a right to an opinion and he was discussing it in the right fashion in the right arena - I don't agree with him, but I can't be angry at him because his belief is different to mine.'

I told him that his response was upsetting to me because if the MP had been discussing something that took away his bodily autonomy I would be angry on his behalf, especially with something as fundamental as bearing children.

He responded saying that 'All it is is in opinion and that the MP's opinion has no influence on the current state of affairs.' He then went on to say 'Are you angry at the Pope for every time he speaks? His opinion has much greater influence, and the Pope has been spouting antiabortion and homophobic statements for generations - point your anger towards people with much power. Not towards people with much power, not towards insignificant back benchers whose ideals don't meld with the zeitgeist.'

I responded and said that actually yes, I am angry at the Pope for his stance and that he should also not use his platform of power to state what he does. I also stated that Trump ended up in power through the backing of small minded individuals exactly like this MP.

It's not the first time we have disagreed on these sorts of issues. He has an attitude that regardless of experience everyone should be able to voice whatever opinion they feel (including himself and yes he can have some very polarising opinions), my attitude is that if your opinion does harm to another faction or undermines or wishes to take away another persons human rights then no you should not be entitled to share that opinion and that as a society we have a duty of care to ensure that these individuals are stopped.

AIBU here?

@SmileyPiuPiu he gets more heated in person.

This isn’t about how you messaged him or whether you should have done it differently, this is about a man deliberately missing the fucking point.

It could have been a news item about anything appalling - say horrific racism. His response of ‘yeah but they’re entitled to free speech’ is woeful.

He’s deliberately trying to dismantle your right to express anger at the genuinely anger-inducing.

He sounds like a tiresome jerk and I don’t know why you put up with him.

Your still missing the point. He has a nasty attitude to women. That's all you need to know. You can't change that. You might persuade him to hide his nasty attitude a bit when you're looking- might- but it won't change the nasty attitude.

RUN AWAY NOW

He has told you who he is with that. I feel sick.

And even then; is it actually about the woman being hurt, or the fact that someone hurt their property (not that woman are, just that many men seem to view it like that) and with that insulted the man himself?

But he does agree with you. However, just like he thinks you have a right to express your beliefs, he thinks others gave a right to express their strongly held beliefs too. Does he really have to be hopping from foot to foot to be supportive?

Maybe there are other issues in your relationship that are playing into your feelings over this?

I can’t believe you stayed with him after that comment!

Talk about red flag!

I think the fact he disagrees with the MP means he's not unreasonable. He's just saying he has a right to express his opinion. I'm very much pro-choice but do agree others who are pro-life have a right to express and debate it.

Is this a topic that isn't open to opinion and debate then? I seriously hope not.

Your problem isn't him agreeing to free speech.
Your problem is that he's an absolute creep.

So you were okay with him discussing a murdered woman like that but not okay when he said the mp what a right to share his opinion?
bizarre

OP please re-read this.

Myself and PP have pointed this out to you by highlighting what he says all men think about women.

His stance on people having different opinions isn't wrong. His stance on what other men think is wrong. His attitude to women is horrid.

Do not have a child with this man.

@Mangogogogo no actually we had a disagreement about it then.

I agree with your partner. (Weirdly he said similar to DH)

I loathe what the MP said, but we have a right to freedom of speech, and whilst I may not like what's said I'll defend the right to say it to the end of times.

There is a difference between freedom of speech and freedom from consequences before anyone points out racist/sexist/inciting hate.

I do worry that these small murmurings may gain traction, however there was an attempt to pass a bill regarding changes to our abortion laws not that long since, and that was overwhelmingly shouted down.

We live in a democratic society, so we have to tolerate hearing things we don't like. Challenging, properly, where possible.

Write to your MP to express your distaste in what was said for example.

I have no issue with other people having a differing opinion.

You very much have an issue, at least be honest about it.

You are very unreasonable to have invested two years with someone who you are clearly not compatible with. Hard work all the way around.

He sounds rapey af sorry

You do not seem compatible, should this relationship continue?

Omg then I'd stop seeing him. He sounds like a right dick.

@Aquamarine1029 well that's your opinion, you're entitled to it. We have been compatible in many ways, the way he can express his opinions is often not one of them. He can very overbearing and will go on long rants to ensure his opinion is heard. I often just walk away at this point but now looking back at this conversation I can now see clearly that it is this statement that bothered me the most 'I can't be angry at him, because his belief is different to mine.' I fundamentally disagree with that, you are entitled to be angry, just as much as the MP is therefore entitled to that opinion. You can't have it both ways.

Op, you realise your boyfriend is creepy right?

This whole thread gives a great insight into how patriarchy creeps into women's brains like a toxic mould. This isn't about free speech, this is about a man saying to a woman that another man has a right to hold an opinion that has potentially devastating consequences long term to women.

If the MP had stood up and said 'I don't believe black people have a right to bodily autonomy' would anyone make the free speech argument?

If a female MP stood up and said 'In light of the way men keep on murdering women I think we should debate whether men should be allowed out alone at night' would men tolerate that for one single second?? Of course they fucking wouldn't. Because men's rights, even when what they're committing is actual factual murder are never up for debate.

WAKE UP.

I’m absolutely delighted that MPs can stand up and share views like Danny Kruger has. It means there’s no way to hide them and means they’re less likely to be voted in.

But the conversation about Sarah Everard is horrible, and he sounds like a dickhead because of that.

I am fiercely pro choice but I agree with him on this - there's nothing wrong with someone stating their own opinion in a polite fashion, especially in a debating chamber!

It's easy to blame 'the patriarchy' but remember it was 'the patriarchy' that gave the original ruling and this ruling was diverse in race and gender. No doubt the black and female members were channelling their inner old white man.

I suspect this ruling was more based on politics but not being American I'm not so aware.

Why do you need him to be mad about it? I heard what the MP said and I don't agree, but I'm not angry about it either. As your boyfriend says, the MP's opinion doesn't affect abortion provision in the states or here. We have a pretty good set of laws around abortion in the UK and nothing he says makes any difference to that. So yeah, I can't get worked up about it either. I think you're unreasonable to demand that your boyfriend gets angry about the things you get angry about.