AIBU to stop DD (12) snacking just before bed.

[McGingery]

So my DD likes to go to bed with a snack. I have always said no but DH is weaker than me and says yes. She eats a healthy dinner at about 5pm, then pudding and has fruit to eat whenever she wants.

My arguments are that she should have eaten something earlier (I say an hour bed bedtime so 8pm) and she is only eating as a delay tactic or out of habit. I doubt it is doing her any good to eat late and is only forming a bad habit for the future.

The snack in question is usually a large chunk of cucumber but sometimes it is cheese or chorizo!

Am I being unreasonable saying no to bedtime snacks?

I think this is on the money.

Are you inclined generally to project your feelings onto others? My mother does and it made adolescence really hard. E.g. she has sensitive teeth and doesn't like ice cold drinks or cold grapes/soft fruit so she would make up health reasons why they were bad for everyone and stop me from having cold drinks/fruit.

What is this?

Why is this hilarious

I'd have no problem with it - but if it became drawn out faffing I'd be asking them to sort it out BEFORE bedtime. I do have a no food in the bedrooms rule because the bedroom is a fucking midden at the best of times. If they start proving they're capable of actually tidying a path from door to bed then I'm prepared to reconsider that one (we don't take food upstairs as adults either to be fair).

That's really bad for her teeth.

Make dinner later (and possibly need time too!)

@YerAWizardHarry what’s a fly cup? Am intrigued 😁

@Crocky its a phrase used in the NE of Scotland for elevensies/afternoon snack/supper. Often a “fine piece” and a hot drink

9pm is not early for a 12 year old on a school night!

I agree! It's about right I'd say.

Who's letting their Y7 stay up til 10pm?

OP, I think you're perfectly within your rights to ask-it is hard to change the way we parent as our children get older and more independent. I have a ten year old, and reading this thread has made me realise that I should probably encourage him to be more independent in getting himself snacks!

FWIW, I always give a hearty 'snack' when my children get in from school, eg. Crumpets, cheese and fruit, ham and cheese toasties, toasted bagels, etc. Then we eat dinner at around 6:30pm, or the ten year old will sometimes have his at 8 due to activities (he prefers to eat his main meal afterwards).

They'll usually have fruit and some kind of cake/biscuit 'treat' afterwards, and then the boys will have a cup of cold milk before bed (daughter is not a fan!).

I always eat something after dinner, fruit, and then something with a cup of a tea later.

Depends what time they have to get up, I suppose, and how much sleep they need. Some will need lots of sleep and will sleep earlier. Others will need less sleep and sleep later. There is no need for judgement at either end of the spectrum as long as the child's needs are being met.

I think my dd regularly slept at around 10ish at that age. She couldn't usually get herself off to sleep any earlier.

Most of my teenage years i ate
A Toastie just before bed 😂
And mostly cuz we ate dinner at 5.30 which left me starving by 8.30/9

Of course you're not controlling. Some people here are ridiculous.

You are controlling. She's eating a cucumber fgs. She is 12!! She is growing and needs the food. And she has just come back from an activity! Don't you get hungry sometimes after being out. And having a blanket statement about indigestion for all foods is just the sort of nonsense my mother would come out with - no actual logical reason, just something she heard or was told back then. Your dd isn't eating a full pizza and jumping into bed. Even my 6yo ds will have a yoghurt if he wants a snack before bed. Also, everyone hasn't had a 12yo/8yo/any age before they actually have one so that's a bit of a bizarre thing to say . Just let her have a small healthy snack and stop making it an issue.

I'd be more concerned about your controlling behaviour around what your 12 year old eats. Huge red flag. I wouldn't dream of telling my kid they couldn't have some food, especially 3 hours after dinner!

5pm seems really early for dinner. My 2yo eats his dinner at 6/6.30pm.

I dont have teenagers but remember I used to eat my parents out of house and home at that age and have nieces and nephews who have cereal before bed.

My mum used to give us pudding or have fruit and crumpets or something while we were watching TV as a family before bed.

I'd move dinner so it is about 2hrs before bed time and give a decent snack after school like a sandwich or beans on toast to bridge the gap between lunch and evening meal.

My DD12 and DD14 always have a snack before bed,usually bring it up to their room and watch some TV before lights out.

They usually have toast,bagel,tea,biscuits,scone or sometimes noodles. I would never tell them they couldn't have a bedtime snack.

Its common for teens to want a snack before bed. They are growing, active, and tired. They can still clean their teeth between the snack and turning out the light.

Or after a physical activity.

Having something before bed because she is hungry is fine. Having one out of habit whether hungry or not is a bad idea. I do think our cultural norms around snacks and children can set them up for bad habits later in life (and I say that as an avid snacker who wishes they weren’t.) Our rule for our 13 year old is, eat when you are hungry, stop when you aren’t.

Who's letting their Y7 stay up til 10pm?

Pretty much all of my daughter’s friend group in Primary school. People seem not to grasp how much sleep kids should get.

Are you allowed snacks before bed, OP?

Y7 is 12 right? 1st year of high school? Dd is at the end of her first year of high and has been going to bed (as in lights off) at 10.30 all year. Yet to be tired. She's never needed more than about 8 hours sleep in one go. Even as a toddler obviously she'd have a nap in the day but only 8 hours at night. It's a pretty standard time among all her peers too.

5pm supper is far too early for a 12 year old.
Just let her be: she's not snorting lines of sugar before bed; what she reaches for is good stuff.

Can you move dinner to 6pm? That was dinner time when I was her age and I went to bed at 9pm to read and never needed a snack before bed. I would just go have a bath after dinner, then when I was out of the bath I might have fruit, yoghurt, a pudding (like a Cornetto!), But not a "supper" per se.