Would this bother you?

[Busybeedle]

I was shopping in Sainsbury’s and thought I’d take a quick look at the undies section. A man (in his 60’s maybe) was standing in front of the bras just staring at them. At first I thought he was with someone and just zoning out while she was looking at knickers but no, he seemed to be on his own.

I was opposite looking at the knickers myself for a little while so I noticed him just standing there, entranced by the array of bras. After I turned to carry on my shopping, I saw him dart out his hand and start awkwardly fondling a couple of the bras. Then he looked about shiftily and shuffled off.

I don’t normally notice or care about men in the wimmens section, I assume they’re either with someone or looking to buy something. But he just seemed ‘off’ somehow.

YABU: Who are you to question his motives/Wouldn’t bother me
YANBU: Seems a bit odd/Would bother me

But being in a shop while a man touches a bra is not 'being part of someone's fetish'. He's not trying to engage anyone in talking about bras. He's not in the middle of some sort of role play. He's not having a wank or engaging in exhibitionism or anything like that. He's literally just touching a bra.

Maybe he does have a fetish, but you can't possibly know that and you can't police what people touch in shops on the off-chance that they might get a little frisson from it. People can have fetishes for anything. Would it have been OK for him to touch a pair of shoes? How about a fur coat? Or a leather jacket? Or a school blazer? How would you know why he was touching them? What if it was a woman - you know they have fetishes too, right?

FWIW I used to work in the shoe department of a department store when I was a teenager. Occasionally, men would browse and buy women's shoes. Absolutely no idea how many of them were just buying them as a gift for a partner or how many of them were planning to go home and have a wank over them. But as they were just picking them up, looking at them and buying them, I really didn't give a shit. Once or twice we had a man come in who just asked us loads of personal questions about shoes - 'Have you worn these? Are they comfortable? Does your boyfriend like them? What sort of tights or stockings would you wear with them? Do you think shoes like these would make your feet sweaty?' etc and that was quite clearly not OK because he was involving us. But just picking up a a pair of shoes and/or buying them? No problem.

Creepy. The women's underwear section is not there for men to entertain themselves with, good for you OP for being aware of creeps and not to make excuses that the poor old soul was lonely/buying a gift/browsing/scared off, etc.. Can I suggest that all those posters making excuses for him hang around the mens' underwear section the next time making furtive sideways glances while stroking mens' pants and wait for how quickly the assistant asks them sharply if they need any help!

Don't be ridiculous!!!

Grim. Pre-fondled bras sound revolting

No, they don't. Your perception of his motives seems clear, that's not the same thing.

Yep I reckon I could look at mens pants and fondle them to my hearts content and no one would say a word!

You've clearly never tried to buy your DH a shirt or trousers in some shops. They are onto you asap as if you are about to shoplift the items!

@AchatAVendre I buy all my DHs clothes actually! I don't think you get a hard sell in Sainsburys?

@AchatAVendre and we're talking about pants not shirts and trousers!

Presumably the chap went to Sainsburys because theres less dedicated assistants to bother him? So the fact he seems to have been bothered by the OP glancing at him suggest theres possibly something off.

My experience with shirts and trousers in men's clothing stores is enough to deter me from even trying to buy mens' underwear for DH!

Why are people so niaive?

@AchatAVendre au contraire, why are people so suspicious? So you think he should've gone to sone high end lingerie shop, rather than Sainsbury's to buy his DWS or DMs underwear, that would've proved his actions were not nefarious?

Sorry you don't have the ability to shop for your DHs underwear, having got a DH and two DSs (who now are into posh pants like Calvin Klien etc), I have bought a lot of pants in my time.... never been an issue!

I find it really odd you've been put off.

I'm not sure how some people get through life!

😂

Did he fondle them or just touch them to see what the fabric felt like, the way you would if you were thinking of buying one.

I really don’t have enough time on my hands to notice shit like this.

I have sent DH to buy me comfortable bras while I was in hospital, I’m sure he was stood there an age trying to work out size, material, style etc. To the best of my knowledge he’s not a pervert.

Blockyourears Sorry you don't have the ability to shop for your DHs underwear, having got a DH and two DSs (who now are into posh pants like Calvin Klien etc), I have bought a lot of pants in my time.... never been an issue!

Good heavens, I have many abilities but buying DH's underwear is not something I would particularly prize and he manages to buy his own. Congratulations on your skill though...

Definitely a fondle rather than a feel

Shame you find it difficult, but I suppose sone people like to see an issue with everything, like the simple task of picking up a pack of boxers in Sainsburys, being an issue with people talking to you about shirts etc.

Again I wonder how some people get through life when they can't manage simple tasks....

You're really proud of that "ability", aren't you!

Looks strange, but I'd be assuming the best first. He might be looking for a gift for his wife, perhaps shopping for things his female relatives need. He likely appeared shifty because in this age of social media, someone may have been watching him and getting suspicious. Everyone has a camera on them to film and upload to Arseface. Not all men are dirty, evil and creepy. Leave him be. Plenty of cameras watching in store anyway.

Oh come on, you're accusing a man of being wrong for shopping in Sainsburys because you feel he is trying to cover up some sort of perversion? You are deterred from buying your DH pants, because shop assistants offer just assistance when you are buying other clothes?

You have the cheek to say others are naïve, because they don't agree with your ridiculous attitude.

I do not think people are naïve, I think they are just going about their daily life, which includes sharing Sainsbury aisles with men.

So you had the time and also expertise to know the difference between the two, and he is the pervy one??

Would it bother me?

Why would it bother me?!

Some proper pearl clutches on MN with a lot of time on their hands to even come up with this sort of stuff.

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest- I might have a little snigger to myself but that’s it!

So you had the time and also expertise to know the difference between the two, and he is the pervy one??

I don’t think I said he was pervy

implied it maybe

and yes, I do know the difference between a fondle and a feel - now that IS an useful skill 😁

Shame you don't know the difference between minding your own business and minding someone else's? That would be a useful skill to
learn. Stop observing (more than once, as you've admitted) men buying underwear.