Would this bother you?

[Busybeedle]

I was shopping in Sainsbury’s and thought I’d take a quick look at the undies section. A man (in his 60’s maybe) was standing in front of the bras just staring at them. At first I thought he was with someone and just zoning out while she was looking at knickers but no, he seemed to be on his own.

I was opposite looking at the knickers myself for a little while so I noticed him just standing there, entranced by the array of bras. After I turned to carry on my shopping, I saw him dart out his hand and start awkwardly fondling a couple of the bras. Then he looked about shiftily and shuffled off.

I don’t normally notice or care about men in the wimmens section, I assume they’re either with someone or looking to buy something. But he just seemed ‘off’ somehow.

YABU: Who are you to question his motives/Wouldn’t bother me
YANBU: Seems a bit odd/Would bother me

You really can’t envisage a scenario where a man in his 60s has to buy clothing for his elderly mother?

Sometimes you can sadly just tell when something is a bit off.
I was sat eating my lunch in my car, a man walks down the road towards me and I could tell his was going to do something unpleasant just by his look/mannerisms etc, then to prove me right, he pulled down his trousers and relieved himself right in front of my car. Put me off my lunch!

Broaden your mind a bit.
A friend of mine was asked by the care home his Mother is a resident of, to get her some new knickers. His 2 daughters were away so it fell to him. I don't think he was particularly embarrassed, more awkward and clueless. He asked for help in the store and all was OK.
Maybe this chap felt crushingly embarrassed, knowing that people might think he was shifty. He might have had clear instructions from a relative, but when faced with the array of choices just stood there wonderful what this strange world was. Maybe he thought "how hard can it be? I run my own business, I don't need to ask a woman".

Who knows what was going on? There could be any number of things in that mans life.

• sick/injured wife/sister asked him to buy a new bra because she couldn't leave hospital or her bed


• Demented wife at home or in care home needs one and he may have no clue about sizing etc


• He fancies a bra himself and wanted to feel the fabric


• Thinking about other things, eyes staring at nothing, caught staring at bras, then felt he needed to feel the fabric incase someone like you was looking at him and to pretend he was assessing the fabric- when in fact, he was simply staring into space?

I don't think you will even know the true case OP.

bloody hell, mumsnet is worse than a poorly written police drama. Suspicion abounds and funny business lurks in every corner.

no, it wouldn’t bother me. Why would it? Even if he’s just storing up wank bank fodder, arguably that’s better than porn (we know how mumsnet hates porn) and as long as he isn’t jacking off in the shop, who cares?!

I think a lot of posters are being deliberately obtuse or are incredibly naive.
We all know that in all likelihood he was perving and grabbing a touch to remember when he's at home later wanking.
Whether that bothers you or not is an interesting question, but let's not pretend it was anything else.

For the record it would bother me. I don't want to unwittingly be a part of someone's fetish, they should keep that between their imagination and their closed doors, not in a public shopping space.
But more importantly these low level events, verging on offences, are known for some people to be gateways to much more serious sexual offences. They get away with fondling a bra in front of a stranger a couple of times and then need a bigger thrill next time.

This is "verging on an offence" under what legislation.

Men are so fucking weird!

Might've been harmless, but if he was giving off creepy vibes, I would give him the side-eye, keep my distance, and think he was disgusting.

Bra-shopping for someone else is a fool's errand, anyway, difficult even if you know their size, unless you're going for sport bras with a simple s/m/l sizing. And even that can go wrong!

@Busybeedle what's the difference between fondle and feel the material of the bra?

I assume the word fondle was used for dramatic description?

Just do your shopping, collect your nectar points and leave other shoppers alone.

Dear god, sone women won't be happy until men are not let out of their own homes alone.

@Busybeedle and for calling it the wimmens section YABU!

If she is incapacitated then maybe
I sent my dp to buy me some comfier knickers after I had ds., however I sent him to tesco and gave him really strict instructions so he wasn't hanging about in the women's section of m&s looking creepy whilst quietly panicking over the options.

Verging on an offence?? Log it with the manager, 101 as well!

How do some people get through the day?

@HollowTalk my mother had a stroke at 66, was wheelchair bound from then onwards. Towards the end of her life she couldn't access shops as she was then in a care home,

She had me and DB to provide her clothing, caring essentials.

I lived 3 hours away, DB close by, so who do you think provide more of the buying of clothes when it was an "emergency", ie the care home said "mum needs underwear", or mum says "I need underwear", my DB!

What a blinkered life you lead! Maybe one day you'll have to ask your DH or DS to do the same?

Jesus, if I had to go into hospital tomorrow and suddenly needed a new bra or knickers, if an operation required them, I'd ask my DH to get me them. Clearly the poor bloke would be judged as a near criminal!

If he's 60, his mum would be in her 80's so yes, it is possible.

Why wouldn't it be?

Or his wife could be incapacitated and needed one.

This thread is the worst of Mumsnet.

not sure why people are so easily offended!

Yes, I think you’ve summed up the possibilities

And given he wasn’t ACTUALLY wanking in Sainsbury’s biggest lingerie aisle I believe IWBU unreasonable to feel bothered.

I was mostly amused to be honest but I’m pretty sure he was wank-banking

But as you say, I’ll never know!

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, interesting first thread not sure I’ll start another one!

skimpy frilly bras for a woman in her 80’s? Mmm.. maybe…

Hats off to you on the language used op. 😂

im guessing, “ I was buying some undies, a bloke turned up, likely looking to buy one for his partner, had a look, considered one, touched one briefly as he considers it, and moved off” doesn’t have the same impact as fondling, entranced, darting. You’ve even got someone screaming it’s an offence now.

Someone quick, phone sainsbos, they need to know men are fondling the bras and it’s an offence.

For the record, I don’t think he was committing an offence or anything bordering on it and I didn’t find it offensive.

I was him being shifty that was weird.

I’ve seen men buy women’s undies before, they’re usually fairly decisive and don’t linger. Maybe this one simply hadn’t been given clear instructions.

Maybe he has a fetish.

As a PP says, I’ll never know

*It was

Yabu. Cross dressing is not a trans, therfore they wouldn't be dressed feminine. He could of also been sizing up for his mistress or wife! Just mind your own business, he was doing no harm.

Didn't realise you had to be a certain age for certain bras OP.

Who cares. Calling him a perv is a bit deep. Could've been a cross dresser, could've been buying it for someone. Could've just saved it for the wank bank.

Didn't hurt you did it or anyone there. It was a bra hanging up. Get over it.

I didn’t ‘call him a perv’
I implied it

I don’t need to ‘get over it’ as I’m not shaken to my core, just mildly amused and wondered whether others would think it was odd.

As for wearing frilly skimpy bras in your 80’s, fair point. I don’t know many elderly ladies who’d be comfortable in them but that’s not to say there aren’t any