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AIBU?

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Original poster

To message the other woman?

81 replies

inhellyesterday · 27/06/2022 12:15

I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year now. I'm 25 and he is 22, we see each other about twice a month and have been on a few holidays together. However, he told me last night that he has been cheating on me with a 30 year old woman from him work, I suppose that's the only decent thing he has done was telling me but I knew something was up. He was becoming very distant etc. He doesn't want to continue our relationship but claims the relationship with this woman is 'purely sexual' and he doesn't want a relationship with her. But I wouldn't be surprised if they were to become an item.

I'm heartbroken and beyond furious. I know my anger should be at him but she is 30 and a mother, she knew about me and also likes almost all of our pictures on social media of me and him together whilst she was shagging him. What is all that about? Also what does a 30 year old mother want with a 22 year old boy? WIBU to message her telling her exactly what I think of her and then just block them both? He's heard what I have to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
inhellyesterday · 27/06/2022 12:16

It's so obvious now looking back, just looking through her social media and he has liked every single one of her posts/pictures. Feel sick.

OP posts:
OneTC · 27/06/2022 12:17

Nah

SophieStew · 27/06/2022 12:18

Don't waste your time. Onwards and upwards OP.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 27/06/2022 12:19

leave it OP.

Wouldn't go through that for a 22 year old whom
I had a long distance relationship with.

TeapotTitties · 27/06/2022 12:19

He's 8 years younger than her but that doesn't make him a 'boy'.

I get how angry you are but I don't think anything good will come from confronting her. Keep your dignity and just thank God you didn't have kids with him or marry him.

Minimalme · 27/06/2022 12:21

Don't message her. It won't make you feel any better because she didn't cheat on you, he did.

DowntonCrabby · 27/06/2022 12:21

Oh love, you’re worth so much more than both of them. Flowers

It’s incredibly difficult but try and stay the bigger person by just blocking both and moving on with your life. Write the message on paper and burn it if you do need to get the words down.

Use your friends/family/here as an outlet for your anger. FlowersFlowers

stepuporshutup · 27/06/2022 12:22

No point imo she knows what she is.

JiminyGlick · 27/06/2022 12:26

Move on. He has said he wants your relationship to end.

Messaging the other woman won't make you feel better - it will make you bitter. Just keep your dignity intact and put it behind you.

stealthninjamum · 27/06/2022 12:26

I’m sorry op I can understand why you’d be upset. I think there are despicable people around who are happy to have an ow or are happy to be the ow. If you say something it’s not going to give her an epiphany than she’s been behaving badly, she’ll just think you’re crazy. I think the best thing to do is block them on social media and move on with your life, even though I do understand your anger towards them.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 27/06/2022 12:27

Don't message them. They will laugh at you. He could have been telling her all kinds about you which isn't true.

They sound like they deserve each other. Walk away with your head held high.

SunshineAndFizz · 27/06/2022 12:28

How utterly shit, sorry you're going through this OP.

I can completely understand why you'd want to, but I really wouldn't. It won't make a blind bit of difference to someone like that, she won't feel bad, and it'll just make you look crazy.

Type out everything you'd want to say, to get it off your chest and then just delete it (or share with a friend, or on here). But don't send to her.

SloppyHousekeeper · 27/06/2022 12:32

I moved on with my life when similar happened to me. I don't have any regrets about not messaging the other women. Moving on and being happy is the best way of getting back at him.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 27/06/2022 12:32

If she knows about you then she already knows what she has done and I doubt anything you could say to her will make much difference if she is being bold enough to like your pictures. You will likely look back at your message and cringe.

Keep your dignity, block and move on. There's someone better for you.

Nothappyatwork · 27/06/2022 12:35

I messaged the wife when i found out i was the OW. You only have his version of events.
She had lots of questions. He didnt lie and i think that helped. Still an arsehole but at least not a lying arsehole.
Youll get more out of it if you play it that way, i just want to hear your side

Amid · 27/06/2022 12:39

Block them both and move on.

Keep it stylish.

Iamnotamermaid · 27/06/2022 12:40

Write the whole thing off as a lost cause & walk away. He has broken the relationship by been unfaithful, the OW is just a side issue tbh, what would you hope to achieve my messaging her?

Original poster
inhellyesterday · 27/06/2022 12:41

Why would a 30 year old women want a relationship with a 22 year old? It's wrong.

OP posts:
SpilltheTea · 27/06/2022 12:41

What would you get out of that? It's not going to make you feel better and she's not going to care what you think of her. I understand how horrible you're feeling, but the best think you could do is block them both, focus on yourself and move on. They're not worth any more of your time and energy.

MatildaTheCat · 27/06/2022 12:44

inhellyesterday · 27/06/2022 12:41

Why would a 30 year old women want a relationship with a 22 year old? It's wrong.

Sex probably.

Move along and be glad you haven’t wasted any more time on him.

jezzyj · 27/06/2022 12:44

I'm so sorry OP, it feels shit. Of you message her, don't be confrontational. If you want answers, go ahead and contact.

But anything confrontational and she'll london just block you anyway. Put it down to experience, you'll be over it soon enough. She'll be in your shoes in another few months.

PuffinMcStuffin · 27/06/2022 12:45

The age gap seems to be quite a focus for you, 8 years really isn't much.
They are both arseholes but you won't gain anything by contacting her.
Block them both and move on.

DjoChateaux · 27/06/2022 12:47

inhellyesterday · 27/06/2022 12:41

Why would a 30 year old women want a relationship with a 22 year old? It's wrong.

It's not wrong at all. It's perfectly legal, both adults. You are also older than him remember. Try to move on and keep your dignity. They have both behaved like shitty people but you have nothing to gain by messaging her and you don't know what web of lies he may have spun her either.

Mellowyellow222 · 27/06/2022 12:48

inhellyesterday · 27/06/2022 12:41

Why would a 30 year old women want a relationship with a 22 year old? It's wrong.

You are very focused on this. Why did you want a relationship with a 22 year old.

and why do you think of him as a child? He is a grown man.

lots of 22 and 30 year olds are in relationships. Yes there is an age difference but it’s not huge or unheard of. She isn’t 50!

this hurts - I know. And he has behaved very badly. But if sound like you think of your ex as a young, easily led child and her as an evil seductress. She’s not that much older than you!

Original poster
inhellyesterday · 27/06/2022 12:48

That's the thing he liked the fact that I was 'older' albeit only by 3 years and now I just feel like he's just been like oh I can get someone even older so I'll go with her

OP posts:
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